Page 90 of In Death, Love Survives

I could go back to the way I was before I let all these feelings flood my very existence.

“I think you may actually kill your coffee,” Tim comments.

I jump in surprise and clutch my hand to my chest.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says.

I look down and see that my hand is breaking the wooden stirrer.

“I was lost in a trance.”

Tim pours sugar into his coffee next to mine.

“Want to talk about it?”

I laugh at the offer.

“As much as I appreciate the willingness for a therapy session from you, I think I’ll be okay.”

“Sometimes it helps just to let it out to someone.”

He says it so nonchalantly, I realize maybe he’s right. I can’t give too much away though.

“Do you ever wish for a change in your life?” I ask.

“Every day.”

“Why don’t you do anything about it?”

Tim looks over at me as he stirs the sugar into the mug.

“I’m too old for a big change.”

I lightly laugh.

“That’s not true.”

“It is for me. I’m happy enough. But you? Dr. Fletcher, you’re meant for something bigger than this place.”

Tim goes back to stirring his coffee, then discards the stirrer while I stand stunned in the break room.

“I told Jessica I would be leading group today, so you don’t have to.”

“Oh, okay,” I answer. A change of subject. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not coming from Tim.

“And Dr. Owens asked to meet with me about new hires. Do you know anything about that?”

Yeah. Ryan thinks I’m leaving too.

“No. I’ll ask.”

“No need. I’ll let you know.”

Tim picks up his cup and leaves without another word.

Back in my office,I go through the motions of reviewing paperwork that needs attention. I don’t have any sessions today, so it’s just me and my thoughts.

Jessica comes in and out of my office all morning, handing me new documents to review and with questions for me to answer. It’s all so predictable and mundane.