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HALLIE

Song- Memories, Dean Lewis

C lutching the printed picture against my chest, I hold my breath as I walk into Conan’s room.

He’s still in surgery.

He will be for a few more hours.

Lily rushes over and pulls me into a bear hug. Her warmth should comfort me, but I feel nothing. Just numb.

I’ve run out of tears.

I’m running on fumes, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.

“Can I see?” she asks gently, like she’s afraid I’ll shatter if she speaks too loudly.

I hold out the ultrasound picture with trembling hands. She takes it like it’s the most precious thing in the world. Her eyes fill with tears she’s trying desperately to hold back. She’s trying to be strong for me.

“Can I?” Declan’s voice is rough as he steps closer.

I nod without looking up.

I can’t.

He draws in a ragged breath, pressing the hands over his eyes. Charlotte winds her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest as if she’s trying to hold him together, too.

“Conan…a dad.” His voice cracks. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“You still might not.”

The words spill out of me, bitter and raw.

I’m angry. So goddamn angry.

At the world.

At him.

At myself.

Because if I’d just listened—just let him explain—maybe none of this would be happening.

Maybe I wouldn’t have to stand here wondering if the father of my baby is about to die.

Life can rip away everything you love in an instant.

I saw it happen to my dad.

And now, I’m watching it happen all over again. He tried so hard to reach me.

He tried to prove he loved me.

And I pushed him away because I was too afraid to let myself hope. I was too afraid to believe that maybe—just maybe—someone could love me the way he did.

“I need some air,” I choke out, my throat burning as I turn away.

I don’t wait for anyone to follow.

I just run.

I don’t stop until the doors burst open and the cold night air hits me like a slap.

It steals my breath, but I don’t care.

I want to feel something.

Anything.

“Hallie!”

Lily’s voice cuts through the chaos in my head.

I stop, but I can’t turn around.

If I look at her, I’ll fall apart.

She wraps her arms around me from behind and holds on so tight it hurts.

“I can’t tell you it’s going to be okay, because I don’t honestly know,” she whispers, her voice thick with tears. “But I can tell you that you have an army around you to help you. You aren’t alone in this. You never were.”

“He told me he loved me,” I gasp, my chest heaving. “He said goodbye to me, Lily. He looked me in the eye and told me he loved me, like he already knew it was the end.”

My voice cracks on the last word, and a sob breaks free.

I press my fist to my mouth to stop the sound, but it’s useless.

“Did you tell him you loved him back?”

I nod.

God, I nod so hard my neck hurts.

“I did. I told him. But what if it wasn’t enough?”

She presses her forehead to mine.

“It was enough. It’s always been enough.”

“Shall we go back inside?” she asks softly. “We don’t want to miss any updates.”

“Okay.”

My voice is so small, it doesn’t even sound like me.