Page 87

CONAN

Song- The Night We Met, Nath Brooks.

T he way she’s kissing me is putting another part of my heart back together.

As hot as that was back there, it wasn’t us.

That was the old Conan—the one who didn’t give a fuck. Not the man obsessively in love.

The side of me she brought out, the part I didn’t even know existed. But it’s there, and it’s only for her.

I let her control the kiss, my hands sliding down her tight waist.

Maybe for the rest of the night, we can just be us again.

Maybe I should show her the softer side of me. Make love to her, rather than fuck her.

“Can we change the rules, darlin’?” I cup her face.

“To what?” she whispers.

“Let me worship you now. Let me show you the other side to me. Let me take care of you.”

I can see she’s holding back tears.

I hold my breath, waiting for her answer.

“Okay. Deal.” She smiles softly.

And my heart nearly beats out of my chest.

I’ve got the rest of the night to try to show her how much I care.

How much I fucking need her more than I need air to breathe.

This is the real us.

And I will worship every inch of her until she realizes just how much she means to me. Until she knows how sorry I am for ever hurting her.

That Conan is gone.

I need to prove to her the man I can be.

I roll over, expecting to find Hallie to pull against my chest. But I’m met with empty sheets.

Panic claws through me.

I sit up and switch on the side light.

And there she is—tugging on one of my sweaters, looking like she just got caught sneaking out of class.

“Are you really slipping out in the middle of the night like I don’t mean anything to you?”

I can’t hide my irritation now.

She won’t give me a chance to explain, but she’ll let me fuck her senseless.

She let me make love to her, for hours, until our bodies gave out.

She let me believe there was a small chance of redemption.

“You don’t,” she fires back.

I flinch but try to hide how much that hurts.

I know what she’s doing.

She knows last night felt too real, and she’s scared.

Scared to let me back in.

And I don’t blame her.

But it doesn’t make this any less agonizing.

“Turn around and look me in the face and tell me that, trouble. Tell me how much you hate me. Because last night, you couldn’t get enough of me. So say it again, and I’ll believe you. I’ll leave you alone.”

I regret the words the second they leave my mouth.

I can’t leave her alone.

Even if it was just the hate fuck she’d always wanted, I’m just glad it was with me. That even for one night, she chose me—in the most fucked up way possible.

She slowly turns to face me, her bloodshot eyes swimming in pain.

“Conan, I—” She pauses, taking a shaky breath.

Every muscle in my body tenses.

“We can’t do this again.”

“This?”

She gestures between us.

“We can’t sleep together. It’s best if we just leave each other alone. Okay?” She stumbles over her words.

“That isn’t what I asked you to say.” My voice comes out flat.

“It doesn’t even sound like you’re convinced by your own words. If you want me to stop, say it with your chest.”

I throw the covers off and stand—completely fucking naked—and stride toward her.

Her eyes flick down to my cock.

I tut.

“My eyes are up here, Hallie.”

She scowls, dragging her gaze back to my face.

God, she’s so beautiful when she’s worked up.

“I’m here. I’m ready. Say it,” I press her.

It takes everything not to grab her face and kiss her senseless. To somehow make her feel what I feel. To see how fucking sorry I am.

“Say what? Why are you trying to hurt yourself?” she whispers.

I grin.

“I told you once I like pain. Remember? If you want me out of your life for good, you know what to do.”

Maybe this is the closure I need. The final fuck off.

I can’t move on.

I’ll always be stuck in the life-after-Hallie phase.

Because, like my mom said, there’s one person on this earth for everyone.

Hallie is my person.

I’ve lost her.

So I’m destined to spend the rest of my life miserable and alone.

I deserve it.

Maybe this is a fight I can’t win.

“Last night was a mistake, Conan. We are over. For good. Done. I don’t want to be with you.

I don’t want you to chase me. I want you to stay the hell away from me.

There is nothing you can explain to make this better.

Unless you can change what happened? You had me kidnapped and entered into a game where women die to survive your fucking sick game. I’m not a contestant.”

I shake my head. As she grabs for the door, I press it shut with my hand above her head.

“No one died in The Chase, Hallie. It’s all fake.

All the women are fine—they’re given new identities and a new life away from the fucking scum who entered them.

There’s a bigger picture here. I’m just a goddamn pawn in this game.

We maintain order for someone much higher than us.

I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that you got caught up in this.

If I’d known Ben had entered you, this wouldn’t be happening. ”

Her breath hitches. I can almost feel the relief radiate off her.

“I’m glad no one died for me to win. But do you also see how I can’t be with a man who is capable of doing this?

Who gets a thrill from hunting? Do you know how fucking petrified I was?

And that cabin? Conan, you had me tied up in a sauna and coaxed an orgasm out of me.

Did you do that to other girls? How many girls did you make come that day? ”

“None. Because I stepped back this year. I only took control of yours because I was drawn to you.”

A fire blazes in her eyes.

“So you didn’t know it was me. I could have been anyone, and you wanted to make them come. What if it wasn’t me? What if I made another guy come? Hmm?”

The anger in her voice is palpable. The air between us dead and cold.

“Well? Come on. Explain yourself.”

She shoves at my chest, but I hold her steady.

“Tell me how you want me to forgive that, Conan.” Her voice rises.

“But it was you.” I don’t know what else to say.

I’ve seriously fucked up.

“You chased me for weeks. You made me believe it could be more. You made me feel again. And then I’m thrown into the fucking woods, and my whole life explodes.”

She erupts into sobs. I pull her into my arms.

“I really, really liked you, Conan. And now I’ve lost you as a friend—and that hurts too. You can’t have wanted me, not really, if this was what you were doing behind my back.”

Everything crashes down around me.

She’s right.

She deserves so much better than me.

I’m a monster.

“I’m so sorry, Hallie.”

I close my eyes and rest my head on top of hers, taking in her sweet rose scent for the last time.

“I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone. I promise,” I whisper and pull back.

She wipes her tears and tries to smile.

“You are a good man, deep down. You’ll make someone very happy one day,” she says before turning to leave and almost sprinting out of my garage.

I stumble back and sit on the edge of the bed, covering my face with my hands.

In my thirty years on this earth, I’ve never felt so devastated.

Like my heart has cracked clean open.