Page 90
HALLIE
M y fingers hover over Conan’s number. I’m so close to hitting dial.
After taking a couple of days to process the hate-fuck-turned-love-making session a few nights ago, I’ve come to one conclusion—I have to know the truth.
Because I can’t let this man go. Even despite the games. The more my brain replays what happened and who he really is, the more I can’t help but think there really is more to it.
That if he was truly that awful of a person, he wouldn’t be so wrecked by losing me.
He wouldn’t have let me fall in love with him in the first place.
That’s the one official conclusion I’ve made in the nights eating only ice cream for dinner— I love Conan.
And I don’t think there’s anyone else out there for me.
He asked me to hear him out. I’ll give him that before I make my final decision.
I toss my phone down as the door opens.
“We’re playing a game,” Lily announces, holding up a bag and rushing over to the table.
I close my laptop. My search for nursing jobs is still going nowhere. I’m just being a baby, scared to ask Dr. Quinn for my job back.
“What game?”
She tips out the contents of the bag—boxes and boxes of pregnancy tests.
“Pregnancy roulette,” she says dryly.
“You think you’re pregnant?” I ask warily.
“I’m a day late.”
“A day? I love the drama with you,” I chuckle, picking up a test.
“Better to be safe than sorry.”
“And I’m involved in this how? I didn’t have a one-night stand in Barbados.”
She glares at me.
“No. You didn’t. But you’ve been hooking up with Conan still.”
Oh. Yeah.
“True.”
My heart flutters. Holy shit.
“Hallie. What?”
“I don’t know when my last period even was.”
I rub my scalp.
“Think, Hallie. You had one just after Ben cheated, right?”
I nod slowly.
“Did you have one after that?”
“Fuck. I don’t know.”
My life has been a whirlwind lately.
“Okay. So maybe what, six or seven weeks? You’re normally regular, though.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and look down at the test in my hand.
“I really don’t think I’ve had one.”
I know it now.
And I’ve just told Conan that we’re done, done. Because I panicked. Because he makes me feel too much.
The night after the club, when he held me while I slept—it was everything.
I felt whole again.
But he really fucking hurt me.
“Come on, Hallie. Let’s just do this,” Lily says gently, holding out her hand and helping me stand.
“What if it’s positive, Lily? What do I do?”
She rubs my back as the panic starts to rise.
“Your body, your choice, Hallie.”
I rest my head on her shoulder.
It would be a little part of me—and the only man I’ve ever loved.
That’s the only answer.
“I’ll go upstairs. You can use the downstairs,” I tell her, and I dash up to the bathroom.
I let out a shaky breath as the door clicks shut.
After I pee on the stick, I wash my hands and find myself sitting on the hard floor, hugging my knees with the test lying face-up on the tiles.
And I just stare.
Waiting.
As two lines appear, I pick it up with trembling fingers.
“Shit,” I sob.
In all this chaos, it turns out there’s something more important than anything.
Our baby.
“Hallie…” Lily calls up.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. Just sobs.
I rest my head on my knees and cry.
For the love I’ve lost.
All I can think about is the way he pleaded with me to hear him out.
And I shut him out.
Am I a monster too, for doing this to him?
The door crashes open, and Lily is on the floor next to me, wrapping her arms around me tight.
“Hallie. It’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
I shake my head.
“I can’t do this alone, Lily.”
“Shh. You’ll never be on your own. You know Conan is going to be by your side every damn step of the way, whether you like it or not. And so will I.”
I wipe my tears and sniffle.
“That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want this to be the reason I forgive him. I need to know the truth.”
She nods and gives me a soft smile.
“Hallie, you’ve been running from the truth for weeks now. I think it’s time you hear him out. If you don’t like it, we can think of a plan. Maybe we never tell him. Or, if you do believe him…you tell him, and you let him back into your life.”
“W-what if he doesn’t want the baby?”
“Then that will also be your answer. Close the door on this chapter, for you and for the baby.”
I close my eyes.
“I need to book a scan. Fuck. I need to get a job. And decorate. Oh my god, Lily. I need a job. I can’t even race now, I’m pregnant!”
My brain spirals, and I descend into panic. I quit my job with no backup.
“One thing at a time, maybe? You’ve got months to figure it out.”
She picks my phone up from the floor and holds it out to me.
“But you need to start by speaking to Conan. You know it in your heart.”
Table of Contents
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