Page 89
CONAN
“ G o away!” I shout at whoever is behind my cabin door.
The knocks get louder.
I toss back my whiskey and turn up the music, trying to drown it out.
It’s not just the knocking I want to drown.
It’s the ache in my chest. That burning feeling. The sadness hollowing out my heart.
I’m miserable.
The door slams open, and in stride Finn and Declan.
“What part of ‘fuck off’ don’t you understand?” I spit.
They share a worried look before approaching me.
Like I’m some rabid animal in a cage they’re about to tranquilize.
Shit.
Maybe Finn really might put my useless ass down.
“Conan. You okay, bud?” Declan asks calmly.
“Fine. Whatever gave you the impression of anything otherwise?”
I throw my arms wide to gesture at the state of my cabin.
Three days’ worth of boozing. Not leaving the place. The occasional break to throw axes in the shed.
This is my life now.
Pointless.
Lonely.
Fuck. I miss her.
“Conan. You showered today?” Finn asks.
I shrug.
“Fuck knows. What day is it?”
I’m drunk.
Again.
“You worried about me?” I make a cute, pouty face at them.
I can see Finn getting more irritated by the second.
Good. Maybe they’ll leave me the hell alone to wallow in my pity.
“Yes. Actually. Very. You’ve missed training. You haven’t been out of these four walls in days. You’re losing the battle here,” Finn says.
He picks up the bottle of Dad’s whiskey and starts pouring it down the sink.
I launch myself over the counter to stop him.
“What the hell are you doing?” I shout.
As I go to grab the bottle, Finn snatches it out of reach.
“Conan! Stop!” Declan’s voice cracks like a whip.
I freeze, turning to face him, my nostrils flaring.
“Both of you. Out.”
Declan squares up to me.
“No. Sit down, little brother.”
My jaw twitches.
“Fuck. Off.” I spit.
“We’re not going anywhere, Con. Like it or not, we’re your brothers, and we ain’t letting you drink yourself into the grave. You’re better than this,” Finn chimes in.
“I’m an adult. I’ll do damn well as I please.”
As I turn, I stumble, catching myself on the counter.
I let out a breath.
Fuck. I’m a mess.
The room goes silent. No one moves.
“I’ve really fucked it all up,” I admit, voice low.
“You’re really giving up now? That’s it? Chase over?” Declan asks.
I shrug and head for the couch, slumping down and kicking my feet up on the coffee table.
My brothers follow and sit on the chairs opposite me. Like a damn intervention.
“Look. I’m in mourning. Let me have one more day.”
Declan chuckles.
“Not happening. Now, why are you giving up? Conan, we’ve seen you cave in men’s skulls in a cage. Fighting is in your blood. This ain’t you.”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“This is different. Everything was with her. I’m just fucking empty.” I run a hand over my face.
“So don’t give up,” Finn says, his voice low.
“I promised her I’d stop. That I’d leave her alone.”
Finn screws up his face.
“She clearly still feels something for you if she came back with you after the club. Women don’t do that otherwise.”
“She wanted a hate fuck,” I say, deadpan.
Declan’s face twists.
“If you love her, you gotta fight, Conan. Dig fucking deep. Sort your shit out. Get back in the cage. Let off some steam. Then focus. We can help you make a plan. You can win her back. You always go after what you want,” Declan tells me.
“She’s not a prize, Dec. She’s the love of my life.
The one I hate fucked and made love to in the same night—and still got rejected.
I’ve got a whole ass future planned with her that I’m still working on, one that might just haunt me for the rest of my life.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t take back what happened.
And all she can see is a monster. Which I am. ”
Declan shakes his head.
“She doesn’t think that. She wouldn’t even speak to you if that were true. But if you keep going down this road, she won’t ever come back. Show her you’re serious. Don’t give up.”
I sigh and close my eyes.
“Why does love have to hurt so damn bad?” I mutter, rubbing at my eyes.
I’m exhausted.
“That’s how you know it’s the real deal, brother. Remember how much I hated Charlotte? For years? And now look. It’s worth the risk. Take it.”
That does give me a flicker of hope.
I’ve seen hatred turn to something real with Declan and Charlotte.
“You’ve got your grand plan in motion, right? Get to work on it. That future you wanted—take her to it.”
“You think?”
They both nod.
Just having my brothers here makes the load feel ten times lighter.
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
“That’s what we’re for. We couldn’t sit back and watch you beat yourself up anymore. We want you back, little bro,” Declan tells me.
“I really am a mess, aren’t I?” I laugh, though it sounds hollow.
“Yes. But you always have been. Ain’t nothing new,” Finn smirks.
“Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I can’t throw a punch.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go sober up. Shower, you stinky beast, and then meet us at the gym,” Finn orders as he stands.
“Alright. Yeah.”
I don’t know what I’d do without them.
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