Page 45 of I Could Be Yours (The Toronto Terror #6)
ESSIE
I ’m bookended between my mom and Cammie as we board the plane, with Chase and my dad behind us.
My stomach is in knots. We took a private transfer to the airport, but we’re on the same flight as Nate and his family.
There’s security in being with my parents, and even my little sister, but it doesn’t stop the churning in my stomach or the sharp ache in my chest as we shuffle through first class.
Gideon and Sophia are on the right, three rows back, and Nate and Brody are across the aisle on the left.
Sophia and Gideon wear matching empathetic smiles as we pass, and Brody waves at me, but all I get is the top of Nate’s head. His focus is on the phone in his hand. Brody elbows him, and he glances at his brother as we pass through into economy.
I changed my ticket so I could sit with my parents on the trip home. Tears prick behind my eyes, threatening to embarrass me in front of a plane full of mostly strangers.
I didn’t see Nate again after Isaac outed us yesterday. I kept it together when I talked to Rix, but as soon as I was alone, I lost it. I spent the rest of the day locked in my room, crying my heart out. My mom ended up staying with me overnight, leaving dad on his own for his last night in Aruba .
Mom takes the window seat, I take the middle, and Cammie starts to slide into the seat next to mine.
“You can sit with Chase,” I croak.
“We just spent the week together. He can handle sitting beside Dad for the next five hours.”
Tears start to fall again. Cammie drops into her seat, and she and my mom engulf me in a hug from both sides.
“It’ll be okay, honey,” Mom says softly.
That just makes me cry harder.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting,” Cammie mumbles into my hair.
“He can’t even look at me,” I sob.
Mom kisses my temple. “He has a lot going on right now. Give him some time to process it all.”
I swore her to secrecy before I told her what happened with Tristan’s mother, followed by Nate’s subsequent declaration and my insistence that he couldn’t possibly be falling for me. “What if when he processes it all, he still thinks I’m right? I don’t want to be right.”
“Brody told Chase that Nate hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday at brunch,” Cammie whispers. “And he wouldn’t leave his room at all yesterday.”
“I should have kept my stupid mouth shut.” I hiccup.
The flight attendant stops at our row and asks if everything is okay.
My dad assures them we’re fine from across the aisle. But he asks for more tissues and a bottle of water when they have the chance.
“First of all, your mouth isn’t stupid, honey, and I know right now every feeling you have is on fire, but when we’re hurting, it’s important to be especially kind to ourselves.
” Mom tucks my hair behind my ear. “You are incredibly perceptive and empathetic. Your concerns are valid, and voicing them was the right thing to do, even though it was hard and the results aren’t the ones you hoped for.
He’s hurting right now, too, for a lot of reasons, and he needs time to sort through his feelings, just like you do.
You can’t control his actions or reactions to what you say, but you can give yourself some grace. ”
“I just want my own happily ever after,” I whisper. “What if it never happens?”
“If a weirdo like me can find my perfect match, so can you,” Cammie assures me.
“Everyone is weird,” I sniffle.
“So true, but I’m extra weird, and I own that. Remember when you told me it’s better to live life scared than not live it at all?” Cammie says. “Maybe that’s where Nate is. Maybe he’s scared and hiding and he just needs time to figure it all out.”
“What if he doesn’t figure it out, though?
” It’s all been rolling around in my head for the past twenty-four hours.
If I’d just accepted his words, where would I be now?
Would I be smiling and happy? Would I be bleary-eyed because we’d stayed up half the night making love, instead of red-eyed because I’ve been crying?
Would our last day in Aruba have been a fairy tale instead of sad?
How long would it have taken once we got home for the bottom to fall out? How quickly would he have realized he doesn’t love me? That he never did. That it was wedding magic clouding his vision. Would it have been worth it?
Mom smiles softly. “If he doesn’t figure it out, then he isn’t the right guy for you.”
“I have all these feelings for him, and I can’t even tell him now,” I whisper.
“Just give it time, honey. You might still get the chance,” Mom says.
“What if I never find someone who sees all of me and deems me worthy of their love?” Despite what I said, I thought Nate liked the real me, the whole me.
Mom squeezes my hand. “You already have that, honey. Not just in me and your dad and Cammie, but also in your friends.”
She’s right, and after a moment I nod. “I want it with a partner, though. I want to find my one true love.” I lean my head against her shoulder. “Why can’t I have the fairy tale?”
“Remember that in every fairy tale, the prince and princess have to fight for their love, and there are always things that get in the way. Sometimes it’s other people, and other times it’s something inside themselves.
” She taps over her heart. “The deepest, truest love comes to us when we’ve learned how to fight for it.
When we know each other’s imperfections and our own, and can love ourselves and our partner wholly.
Leave that space for Nate in your heart open, honey, and if he’s deserving of it, he’ll do the same for you. ”