Page 37 of I Could Be Yours (The Toronto Terror #6)

NATE

I wake up at five o’clock in the morning, wrapped around Essie. I have no desire to go anywhere, but the last thing we need is for Rix or Tristan to find us together on their wedding day. So I get dressed, kiss her on the forehead, and leave her sleeping.

The sun is peeking out across the water with the promise of another beautiful tropical day. Brody enjoyed the free booze last night, so I don’t want to wake him too early. Hungover and tired isn’t ideal for our brother’s wedding.

I need to get my head on straight anyway, so I walk to the café, figuring coffee and a sunrise will help me reset.

I still can’t believe my mother showed up last night.

Seeing her unleashed a flood of terrible memories, and the price she put on us is another thing I’ll have to deal with eventually.

I don’t want Brody to ever find out. He should never have to know our mother attached a dollar value to our place in her life.

And that brings me to this thing with Essie.

The feelings I have for her are real—and bigger than I can handle right now.

I feel raw with the gravity of it all. But I’m certain I want more than just this week, more than great sex and cuddling in bed.

I want her . I want to date her. I want to be the person she can count on, just like she’s been the person I could count on this entire time.

But that needs to wait until we’re back in Toronto. Once we’re off this island and our feet are on the ground of reality, I can ask her on a date. We can figure it out. Today my focus needs to be on my brother and his wedding.

The barista has just finished my order when I spot my dad crossing the lobby, heading my way with a questioning smile.

“You’re up early.” He pulls me in for a hug, then looks me over.

I’m still wearing the same clothes from last night.

“Everything okay?”

It’s better for both of us if I don’t hide the truth, at least not from him. Besides, he’ll pick up on my edginess and just have more questions. “Mom showed up last night.”

“What?” Dad’s eyes flare. “When? Did your brothers see her?”

I shake my head. “We cut her off in the lobby. It was just me, Essie, and Connor Grace.”

“Are you okay?” He rubs the back of his neck, expression pained. “Of course you’re not. Do you want to tell me what happened? Is there anything I can do?” He motions to a table, then looks around. “Where is she now?”

I take the seat across from him. “She’s gone.” I explain what happened, how Connor intervened and paid her off.

His shock turns to concern. “She took three million dollars? Does Connor have that kind of money to throw around?”

“Pretty sure his family owns our hotel, so yeah, he’s good for it.”

“I cannot fucking believe I married that woman.” Dad scrubs a hand over his face, his dismay matching mine. “I’m so sorry, son. I wish it had been me and not you.”

I rub my chest to ease the ache, but it doesn’t work.

No wonder he never dated after she left.

He probably worried he’d pick another woman just like her.

Just like I worry I’ll end up with another Lisa.

That I’m too messed up to deserve better.

“At least she’s gone for good this time.

” No more anxiety-invoking phone calls. No more worrying about her wreaking havoc on our lives.

Dad sighs. “I wish I could have protected you from this.”

I swirl my coffee, watching the pattern dissolve. “You did for as long as you could. And I’m glad it was me and not Tristan or Brody.”

“The things she’s done are unforgivable, but this is beyond reprehensible.”

“I used to wonder what we could have done differently,” I tell him. “But then she took the money…” I shake my head. “The only person she was thinking about was herself. If she gave an actual shit about any of us, she wouldn’t have shown up here like she had some kind of right.”

Dad taps his coffee cup. “She was always very focused on herself. I wish I’d done things differently when you boys were younger. But I felt this responsibility to keep trying, thinking I could fix things, even though it wasn’t good for any of us.”

“We had you, and we had each other, and that was more than enough, Dad.” It was hard after she left, and we all hurt, but it was better, too.

The fighting stopped. No one yelled anymore.

“And now we’ll have Rix, and you have Sophia.

She seems nice.” She really does. She’s gentle and patient like Rix. Like Essie, too.

“She is. She’s kind, thoughtful. So is Rix,” Dad agrees.

“So you learned, right? And so did Tristan. So there’s hope for me and Brody yet.” I’m reassuring myself as much as I am him.

He nods. “You protect the people you care about. The right person will come along and see all the good in you.”

“Yeah.”

Maybe I’ve already found her. Maybe she’s been in my life all along, and I just couldn’t see it because I was too afraid?

What Essie said about the dark consuming the light continues to haunt me.

I don’t want to take without giving. I might share genetics with my mom, but I don’t have to be like her. I can choose another path.

I’m drawn to Essie because of who she is at her core.

She puts others’ needs ahead of her own.

Maybe to a fault. How many times did she step up for me during the planning stages of this wedding?

How often has she quietly done the things I should have, but never made a big deal about it, and always played it off like we were in it together?

Twice yesterday she was there when I needed her.

Twice she put my needs in front of her own.

But the second time, I didn’t hide from my feelings. I tried to give as much as I took.

My phone buzzes. “Tristan is up and looking for us.”

Dad nods. “Let’s get him ready to walk down the aisle.”

“Can I get something to drink? My mouth is so fucking dry. Why is my mouth so dry? Do you think I’m coming down with something?” Tristan paces the room.

“You’re just nervous.” I pass him a bottle of water.

“I want to be married.” He says this like he’s declaring war.

“I know, bro. But you can still be nervous.” I can relate. I might know that my mother won’t show up to ruin things, but it doesn’t stop the churning in my gut.

He chugs the entire bottle in four long gulps.

The attendants arrive with the suits. Hemi is with them. I assume Essie sent her over to make sure everything is as it should be. Isaac and Sam trail her like lethal bodyguards. She surveys the room. “How is everyone doing?”

“Nate thinks I’m nervous.” Tristan stops pacing and props his fists on his hips. “I need more water.”

Hemi pulls a bottle out of her purse and hands it to him. “ You’ve got this, Tristan.” She puts a hand on his shoulder. “I just came from the bridal suite, and your bride-to-be looks gorgeous.”

“How’s she doing?” he asks anxiously.

Hemi smiles. “She’s so excited to walk down the aisle today, and I know you’re right there with her.”

“I just want her to be my wife,” he agrees.

Hemi’s eyes are warm. “She is ready to be yours forever, just like you’re ready to be hers.”

“I’m so ready.”

“I know.” She pats his chest. “Why don’t you put your suit on?”

“Right. Yes. That’s a great idea.”

Hemi hands him the bag that says GROOM and ushers him into the changing room.

“Maybe don’t go anywhere yet,” I mutter.

“He’s a nerves circus, huh?” Hemi’s tone is all empathy.

“Yeah. I’m surprised he hasn’t paced a hole in the floor.”

Two minutes later, the door swings open. “I think there’s a problem.”

“Oh. Wow. Just…okay.” Hemi’s eyes flare. “Go Rix, I guess.”

“Those can’t be your pants.” They’re not only six inches too short, they’re also way too tight.

“According to that bag they are. But I can’t get married in these pants.” Tristan points to his crotch. “Everyone can see my whole dick. You can see the fucking ridge.”

“You’re moose knuckling hard, bro,” Brody says, unhelpfully.

I give him a look.

“Brody,” Dad chastises.

“What? It’s true.” He points to Tristan’s crotch, like it needs more attention. “He’s all dick right now.”

“It’s not that bad,” Flip lies.

“Rix is a lucky girl,” Sam says without cracking a smile.

Flip frowns and busies himself with his phone .

“Why don’t you try on my pants?” I suggest. The results may not be any better, since I am not shaped like someone who plays professional hockey. There’s a reason Tristan and his teammates have all their clothes custom tailored, but at least we can try.

“You won’t fit into these any better than I do,” Tristan argues.

“I’m a size down from you, and I don’t have the hockey butt or thighs, so it won’t be as bad, and I’m not the one getting married.” Will I enjoy having my balls crammed into a pair of too-tight pants? No. But better me than Tristan.

“You should definitely try on Nate’s pants,” Hemi agrees. “And I’ll text Lavender. If anyone can help with last-minute alterations, she’s our girl.”

“That’s right. She’s a seamstress.” Dad looks relieved.

I unzip my suit bag and pass Tristan my pants. He disappears into the changing room again, and we all cross our fingers.

“You should be proud,” Sam says to my dad.

“Sam.” Hemi side-eyes her brother.

“It’s a compliment,” Isaac explains.

“I’m pretty sure Essie’s mom isn’t complimenting Muffy on Rix’s rack,” Hemi points out.

The door to the dressing room swings open again. We all look at Tristan’s crotch.

My pants have slightly more room behind the fly, but unfortunately they’re still tight in the thighs and butt. We can see the outline of his junk, but it’s not as glaringly obvious.

I go with honesty. “They’re still a little snug.”

“It’s better, though,” Hemi says. “And hopefully Lavender will be able to help.”

“My ears are burning! How can I be of service?” Lavender appears, followed by her shadow/bodyguard/husband.

“I have a problem.” Tristan motions to his crotch.

Lavender’s gaze lands on Tristan. “Oooh. Those are a bit snug.”

He props his fists on his hips. “ Can you fix it?”