Page 45 of Holden: Bucked By Love (Crawford Ridge Ranch #1)

LENI – Nearly one year later

I'm sitting in my yoga studio, sweating. Buckets of it. My hair is slicked across my forehead, my athletic tank stuck to my back, my yoga shorts molded to my thighs, and I don't do anything about it but stare at the open doors and the view beyond it.

My last class of the day just left, a buzzing group of chatty women with big smiles and a commitment to be back next week.

I know they will, because they've come every Wednesday morning since I officially opened five months ago.

They've weathered winter, spring storms, and now summer's heat, and they keep coming.

They've formed a bond with one another and with me, and honestly, it's more than I'd dreamed possible.

The studio is small and peaceful, with light wood floors, and glass doors that let in the sun.

There are hanging plants and a big mural of a sun that Holden had commissioned after I told him our family should paint it.

He was sneaky, but he was right. Having it done professionally really sets a better tone.

Mason and Josi should be home from their summer camp by now, and still, I sit, meditating and sinking into a realization I've had hounding me for the past couple of days .

I think I'm pregnant.

I'm so sure it's a possibility that I bought a test yesterday, even though I haven't been brave enough to take it yet.

Why? Because I'm thirty-three years old, with a nearly fourteen-year-old son, an eight-year-old daughter, and a flutter inside of me that feels both familiar and terrifying and every other emotion I can imagine.

I thought we were done with two. Holden and I have never even discussed having another.

A drop of sweat slides into my eye, stinging and getting me moving.

I pick up the towel next to me and mop myself up.

I sanitize the yoga mats, blocks, and rollers before setting them in their storage shelves.

Then I mop the floor and gather up the dirty towels to take back to the cabin to wash.

I'm probably stressing for nothing. My period is only five days late. Nothing big. It's happened in the past.

So what if for the past week I've been fighting some nausea and haven't been able to stand the smell of the sanitizer? Maybe it's a bug coming on.

Sure. In the middle of summer, because that's when everyone gets the flu.

I close up the shed and pat the glass doors in a thank you sort of gesture before picking up the cleaning supplies and heading over the small rise to home.

I think as I walk, about the past year and my marriage and my kids, and how it's all going better than ever, and I fret a little over what adding a new child to the mix would do to things. I don't want to rock the boat.

But at the same time . . . a baby! Another little Crawford to love.

Abe and Rae would be over the moon to have another grandchild. Holden really is the best dad. Walker and Landry would flip over it. Steph—man, she'd be in heaven. I know Mason and Josi would be thrilled too.

My hands are a little shaky as I make my way inside, thinking again of sleepless nights, unexplained fevers, and so many loads of laundry. I feel a little woozy and wonder if I drank enough water during that last session. It's been warm today and I get lightheaded when I'm dehydrated.

Mason looks up from the kitchen sink where he's filling a glass of water.

He smiles at me, tossing his chin-length dark hair back from his eyes.

I caved this year and let him grow it out.

He thinks it's going to bring him luck with the ladies as he goes into ninth grade this fall.

I'm not willing to think about that yet, even if it's happening.

Holden hates it. Walker loves it. Landry calls him Lady Killer, so I know where he stands too.

"Hey," Mason says. "How was yoga?"

A wash of love hits me square in the stomach at the same time I catch the smell of something I can't possibly tolerate.

I drop the towels and mop bucket and hustle straight up the stairs and into our ensuite bathroom, barely slamming the door behind me before I empty my stomach into the toilet.

I hear footsteps coming and a pause before there's a knock at the door.

"Mama?" Josi's voice calls from outside. "You okay?"

I heave a few more times and hear Mason telling Josi that it's fine and I just need a minute. Man, I love those kids.

I flush the toilet and stand on shaking legs to get to the sink where I rinse out my mouth and wash my hands.

"I'm okay," I call out, knowing they're still standing there even though they're being silent.

But it's a lie, and that same scent hits me from under the door, sending me straight back to my knees. I heave until there's no possibility of anything else coming up, and then I slink to my side and lie on the floor, pressing the side of my face to the cool tiles.

This can't be pregnancy. I wasn't this sick with the others. This has to be the flu.

A knock on the door is followed by it opening a smidge and Mason's head poking through. "You okay?"

I nod, my cheek sticking on the tiles. "Yeah, buddy. I'll be fine."

"I called Dad."

I blink and swallow and then burst into tears. "That was the perfect idea, Mace. Thank you."

Because all I want in the entire world right now is Holden. Only he can make me feel better.

A new urge makes itself known and I offer up what has to be a terrifying grimace of a smile. "Hey, can you give me another minute of privacy?" I ask.

The door closes and I stand to use the toilet, when I remember the test. I grab it out of the drawer where I'd buried it.

There's no time like the present to find out if this is a nine-month situation or a twenty-four-hour bug.

I take the test and set it on the counter, and then I spend a few minutes telling my kids I'm all right, washing my hands, and watching to see if those lines appear.

When both lines appear I gasp, which has Mason calling through the door again. "Dad's almost here."

I splash my face with water, heating up for an entirely new reason, and hide the test before I pull open the door to the sight of my two babies standing there.

Mason's face wrinkles up with concern, which is fair because I'm not known to run into the bathroom and cry.

He looks like he wants to say something else, but then the door pushes wider and it's Josi with a blanket.

"Here, Mama," she says, coming in and handing it to me. "It's okay if you don't feel good."

The tears start back up. I adore these two humans. How did I get so lucky? And now another one is coming. Will she or he have their same dark hair and eyes? Will they be athletic like Mason, or bookish like Josi? It's enough to make my heart beat harder. I'm crying again before I realize it.

Mason and Josi look at each other and now it's Josi's turn to frown. "She's crying a lot. Do we need a doctor?"

Mason licks his lips. "I don't think so." He looks at me. "Are you hurt?"

I do my very best to take a deep breath and settle the emotions. "No. I just need a couple minutes and I'll be okay."

Josi takes my hand and tugs me into my bedroom and to my bed where I sink down. She stands next to me and puts a hand on my leg. Mason leans his hip against the open bathroom doorway and crosses his arms, looking so much like Holden that I offer him a wobbly smile.

"Dad's coming," Mason says once more, and I wonder if it's for his benefit or mine.

"Thanks," I say.

The three of us fall into silence, and the nausea fades almost as quickly as it hit.

I feel better. So, I dry my eyes with the blanket Josi brought and sit up straighter.

I'm thinking about going back down to the main area of the cabin when Holden comes racing through the door and pounding up the stairs, calling my name.

Josi and Mason both greet him with ridiculous enthusiastic relief when he appears in our room, his hat missing. It nearly makes me laugh, but then I see the concern on his face and the laugh morphs into a sob which sends me walking toward him with rapidly filling eyes.

"You're here," I sniff.

I see the look he exchanges with the kids, and hear Mason say, "We don't know what's going on," before the two kids head out to give us some space.

Holden meets me halfway, his arms already open, and I walk straight into them.

"Mason said you were throwing up," he says, tucking me under his chin. "You okay?"

I lick my lips and wonder what to say. I land on saying, "I'm okay." And then, "I want to lie down."

He immediately puts his arm around my shoulders and guides me onto our bed.

He kicks off his boots before climbing up to sit next to me, leaning against the headboard and pulling me into him so that I'm resting in his arms. In the silence I do the math in my head and land on a possible due date toward the end of January. A winter baby.

Our lives are about to change in a big way. I let it sink in a bit as I play with the buttons on Holden's Western shirt. It's dirty. He came in a rush.

"Did I pull you away from something?" I ask.

He shakes his head, his chin catching at my hair. "Nothing more important."

"I feel silly that the kids called you. It's not an emergency," I say.

He gives me a squeeze. "None of us know what to do when you're not okay," he chuckles, and I do too.

"Bunch of codependent wimps."

His chuckle deepens. "Guilty as charged. "

I swallow. "So, I have a suspicion that we may be adding another item to our ongoing bucket list."

I can feel his confusion as his hand chases down my spine. "Food poisoning? Not really my thing, honey."

I smile and pinch at his waist, making him squirm. "What would you say to another baby?"

His hand pauses in its caress and his chest stops moving for a second on a held breath of surprise. Then he gently sits me up to look me in the eyes. I can see so many emotions in his hazel depths, but he's trying really hard to see if I'm serious before he reacts.

So, I smile and nod. "Yeah, babe. We're doing this again. Baby number three, coming in January."

His emotions flit rapid-fire across his face before a huge smile cracks his mouth wide. "Seriously? I didn't think we'd get to do it again."

"Did you want to?" I ask, filling up with happiness at his reaction.

He shakes his head. "I don't know. I hadn't thought about it, to tell the truth. But I'm immediately happy, so there you go."

I guess I'm pretty happy myself.

He pulls me to him for a fierce kiss. "Thank you, Leni. This is the best surprise ever."

Then, before I can respond, he's yelling for the kids to come upstairs, and he's telling them we're having another little Crawford.

Mason doesn't even try to play it cool. He cheers and fist-pumps the air, and Josi jumps up and down in place, her wild hair flowing around her.

We swear them both to secrecy for at least a few more weeks.

Then they climb into our bed and we snuggle up as a family of four. Holden rests his hand on my still-flat stomach, and we think about names and who will sleep in what room, and I realize that this is the number one most important bucket list moment of them all.