Page 34 of Holden: Bucked By Love (Crawford Ridge Ranch #1)

Now it's my heart that tumbles. "I know, babe.

That's why I had to do something." His eyes swiftly move to mine, and I don't know if it's because of the pet name I haven't used for a long time, or because I openly referred to the fact that I sort of kicked him out, but I meet his gaze with raw honesty. "It felt like you'd forgotten us. "

I watch his shoulders lift on a breath, but I can't read every thought that crosses his face because of the shadows around us and the distance we're maintaining.

He's quiet and I can't decide if I should have said it or not, but things are shifting and changing, and I so want us to find a way to continue walking this path together.

"I didn't see it," he says at last. "Or, maybe I saw it but thought I didn't have a choice, that that's how being a husband and father is. I don't know." He makes an annoyed sound and shakes his head. "It wasn't on purpose."

"I believe that."

"It became habit to be away. You're such a capable person, and our kids are so great, and the ranch was expanding . . . I focused too heavily on that and . . ."

He tapers off, his tone sad and discouraged, so I splash him in the face with a little water, not much, nothing unkind, but something tells me to stop his words before he falls into a place of blaming himself for all of it.

There were two of us there, and while self-reflection is good, self-flagellation isn't.

"Hey, thanks for thinking I'm capable," I say lightly.

His expression shifts and he flicks water back at me. "You are. And funny and beautiful and kind." He bites his lips and drops his voice. "I missed you."

The warm words have me drifting toward him. "So, I ask again, what would life look like for you if you could have your perfect version of it?"

His hand glides along the water and he runs a fingertip over the back of my hand where it's floating. "I'd talk with you more, like this." His hand trails up to my wrist and back down to my fingertips. "I miss that."

"It's been pretty solitary for both of us. "

"Yeah." He turns my hand over and weaves his fingers through mine. "I'd like to have our days overlap more. Maybe we meet up for lunch a couple of times a week on the ranch somewhere. It doesn't need to be a big deal, simply having time together. We can eat in the saddle for all I care."

"I like that idea a lot," I say, and I do. Time is so important, and we've squandered it. "But I'll drive lunch out in the UTV." Even after all these years, I'm not a horse girl.

He smirks and reaches for my other hand, surprising me by tugging me along until we're spinning in slow circles, almost like weightless dancing, in the dark water.

There's space between us and my skin is chilled from the cold water moving over me.

I also sort of need to use the bathroom because I'm in my thirties now and I've birthed two children, but all of that disappears when we move into a position where the moon hits his face and for a moment I can see him looking back at me.

He's smiling, his eyes bright and his dark hair slicked back from his head.

He looks younger, weightless, and I smile back at him.

"I'd like to have a real vacation every year. Somewhere far, far away from ranch life. Maybe a tropical beach," he says.

My mouth drops open. "A beach? Really? I've never heard you utter the word vacation. I had no idea you wanted to take one."

He purses his lips. "I didn't think I could, so I stopped wishing for it and kept working. My hard work equaled providing for you and the kids. I couldn't be distracted from that."

I squeeze his hands. "We all need to be distracted once in a while."

"This is pretty distracting," he mutters, and I giggle like the teenager I was when we met, blushing as I do .

"I can't believe that made me blush," I joke. "I should be way past that by now. At ease, you know?"

"I'm not sure I'll ever be at ease while floating in a public pond without any clothing."

I laugh and he spins us extra fast so that my feet fly out from behind me. I should be too old for this, but I love it. I feel free and light and I toss back my head and smile big. I feel like giggling some more, and I didn't know that could still happen.

"What about you?" he asks. "What does your perfect life look like?"

He slows us to a stop and I'm sorry when he releases my hands.

"Well, I like where you're going with making more time for the family and tropical beach vacations.

You know I'm still into the yoga studio idea.

Aside from that, I don't think I'd need a single thing.

Being with my family and making a little dream of my own come true, it's more than enough.

" A thought hits me and I blurt it out. "I hope I didn't pressure you into working so much because you thought I needed more than that. "

He shakes his head. "That pressure came from myself, and maybe from the need to prove I was up to the task of marriage and parenthood."

I sigh, relieved. "You know that all I ever wanted was you and our kids and our comfy little cabin."

"And some stretchy time with nature sounds around you," he cracks.

"Stretchy time?"

"Yeah. Yoga is stretchy."

I laugh some more. "I do love the nature sounds and wearing athletic clothing."

"You wear it well, baby. "

He drops his voice an octave and wiggles his brows and while I'm totally caught off guard by the absurd, over-the-top, flirting, I love it. I splash him once more and start turning for shore.

"Let's get out of here. I'm freezing," I say.

He turns while I get dry and dressed, and then I do the same, and eventually we're both holding a wet beach towel, all dressed, still a little cold maybe, facing each other in the dark.

"I don't want to admit that it was fun because I don't want to do this again," he says, chuckling.

"Oh, yeah, same here. Fun and done."

He scratches at his head and puts his cowboy hat on, officially shading his face from my view, and reaches for my hand. I wrap my smaller fingers around his wide palm and follow him toward the parking area. I love that he's holding my hand.

"Still don't understand why we had to come separately," he grumps.

"All part of the adventure," I remind him.

We walk in silence for a bit and when we get to my car he pauses, leaning one hip against the hood.

"Do you think you could make that perfect life list of yours happen with me?" he asks, his tone serious and fragile enough to be nearly carried off in the night.

I put a hand on his arm. "I think so. Do you think you could build your perfect life with me?"

He covers my hand with his. "No doubt in my mind."

And when he leans forward for a kiss, I lean in too, welcoming it.

Our lips are a little cold from our swim, but they warm up quickly, and when he sets his hat on the roof of my car and rests his hands on my waist to pull me in close, all the remaining chill is gone, replaced by a comforting heat that trails up my spine straight into my chest.