Page 27 of Holden: Bucked By Love (Crawford Ridge Ranch #1)

Holden

My palms should not be sweaty. Especially because I'm walking up to my cabin, to talk to my wife, and see my children.

Nothing to be anxious about. And yet, I feel like I did when I went to ask Leni to our Senior Prom.

The heat of the late afternoon presses between my shoulder blades and under my ever-present hat, and I wonder if I'm experiencing heat stroke or something.

I'm a bundle of nerves, hoping the prettiest girl I know will say yes to me.

The irony back then was that she was my committed girlfriend.

The irony of now is that she's my wife. Yet something within me will never stop being surprised by those facts.

She's always been too good for me. Something I lost sight of for a time. I'm out here hoping to change that.

I knock on the back door of the cabin, count to five, and let myself in. I'm trying to respect that, for now, it's Leni's space and I can't simply enter at will. (Thunderstorms fall outside of those rules.)

I'm met by Josi's toothless smile and Mason's head lifting from where he sits at the kitchen table drawing what looks like a comic strip.

The blinds are all open and bright sun fills the kitchen as I catch the scent of freshly mopped floors and lemony dish soap.

Leni isn't there, but the footsteps I hear coming down the stairs tell me she's near.

"Daddy!" Jo-Jo cries, throwing herself at me with spread arms. Her heavy purple cast bounces against my shoulder as I bend down to meet her hug.

"I saw a cat on the playground after swimming and he had really bad fur that needed a wash, but a girl told me not to touch him because he was dirty, but I said that sometimes dirty things just need a bath, but she said that was gross and I was dumb, and I said she's a meanie, and mom made me say sorry. "

Leni enters the kitchen just as Josi finishes her rapid-fire story and she smiles at me.

Her eyes are open and curious, happy to see me, and some of that anxiety drips away like the sweat running down my back.

She's wearing cut-off sweats and the loose T-shirt that she prefers when cleaning.

Her cheeks are rosy and her hairline is full of those tight little curls that come from hard work.

She looks beautiful.

"Wow," I say, tearing my eyes away to look down at Josi.

"I know," she responds, like my one word holds all the answers of the universe.

She slithers out of my arms and skips back to the living area where she flops down on a bean bag and picks up a book. Mason rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Go figure that when she does talk to people she gets in a fight about a dirty, old cat," he moans, clearly embarrassed like only a pre-teen can be.

Leni and I share a look as he goes back to whatever he's working on, and then it's all her. Everything else fades .

"It's four o'clock," she says with a teasing look. "I didn't realize you existed at this time of day."

"This is typically when I'm off in the forest scaring tourists into thinking Bigfoot still exists," I joke.

Then I blink down at her, wondering how long it has been since I came home during daylight, cracked jokes, and chatted with my family.

It feels odd somehow, like a faded memory of someone else.

"It's good of you to give the tourists a break," she nods seriously, one side of her mouth quirking up.

I shove my hands into my pockets. "I, uh, had fun at karaoke last night," I say quietly, for her ears only.

"Mom showed us the videos," Mason pipes in. So I hadn't been quiet enough. "I didn't think you'd do it." He laughs and sniffs. "I'm glad I wasn't there. It's so cringe."

"Landry managed to get me? Even with the Beau drama?" I ask.

"Yep." Leni nods with a smirk.

"And you're going to destroy it?"

She chuckles. "Nope. Playing that at your funeral."

I groan. "Considering I'm going to die of embarrassment, that will be soon."

She wiggles her eyebrows. "It's going to be memorable."

I find myself smiling down at her like a dummy and I snap my mouth shut. "I came over to see if you guys wanted to go on a date with me tonight."

"A date?" Mason asks. "With my dad?"

I give him a look. "Yes, it's a family date. You guys in?"

Leni's smile grows and she nods, Mason grunts, and Jo-Jo is on her feet tearing down the hall to her bedroom, presumably to get ready .

"What did you have in mind?" Leni asks, clearly so pleased that it actually makes me feel terrible.

This is such a small thing—taking my family somewhere, seeing them in daylight.

I should have been doing this all along.

Landry had been whittling something when I'd gone to see if he'd wrap up a couple things for me, and it got me thinking on the drive over that maybe he could pick up a little slack all the time.

I certainly haven't had whittling time in a while.

"Dinner and ice cream?" I offer.

"Woohoo! Ice cream!" Josi yells from down the hall.

Leni's eyes crinkle up and I bask in it, taking in all of her familiar features. Her face holds all my best memories, and I want more.

"Ice cream it is," she says.

The three of them go off to get cleaned up for our date, and I do the same, taking a freezing shower in the stupid little camper bathroom, not willing to wait for the water to heat up with the sad, old heating system.

I put on clean clothes and brush my hair, and even opt for nicer jeans than I usually wear.

I leave off my hat tonight, not caring about my tan line.

No one in Pinehaven will give two shakes about it, seeing as half the people look the same.

They're all waiting on the back deck when I return to pick them up, and I smile at them as I close the distance between my camper and my family.

Leni's changed into a simple summer dress that shows off all the curves I love best, and her hair is loose and waving around her face.

I can't tell you what the kids changed into, because my eyes are full of her and her alone.

I reach for her hand and she takes mine, and together we walk toward the driveway .

"Let's take my car," Leni says, gently tugging my hand to move in that direction. "There's one hundred percent less manure on the floor."

She tosses me the keys, and I open her door to let her in, instructing Mason to do the same for Josi, which he says doesn't even matter because she's his sister.

Leni and I share yet another smile and I feel a little spark shoot down my legs.

It's a spark I've been hoping to get back. I hope she feels it too.

Josi and Mason tag-team running monologues about their days, their friends, and their interests as we make our way into town.

I'm content to listen, so happy that the four of us are together and it's not for work or scheduled events.

It feels spontaneous and fun, and I promise myself I'll try harder to make this happen now and again.

I know I can't do it every day, but once or twice a month would be good for our family.

My family.

They mean everything to me.

We pull up in front of the only actual sit-down restaurant in town—a place I haven't been for years—and I murmur to Leni to sit tight while I walk around to let her out.

Mason flat-out refuses to do the same for Josi, and I let it go for tonight but make a mental note to have yet another chat with him about gentlemanly manners.

Not having a sister myself I can't fully understand his aversion to being chivalrous with her, but I do get the sibling dynamic and wouldn't have wanted to do many kind things for Walker and Landry as kids.

Those years were more about wedgies and pranks than service.

I take Leni's hand and help her out, and I'm happy when she tucks her hand into my arm as I close the car door and turn to step up onto the sidewalk. She leaves it there while we walk the short distance, and once again, Mason keeps up a stream of chatter that has us smiling at each other.

"This is nice," Jo-Jo gasps when I hold the door open for her and Leni to go in ahead of Mason and me.

Mason looks inside and then up at me with a knowing nod. "Nice choice, Dad. You're going to get good points for this one."

"Good points?" I ask, chuckling as I pat his shoulder. "I'm not going for points."

He winks and nods. "Riiiight."

I smile to myself but say nothing as I follow him in and then we all trail a waitress to a dark and cozy booth in the back corner that suits me just fine.

I much prefer to be seated where I don't feel like I'm on display with the other diners.

The booth is black and red leather, the table lit by a tiny lamp hanging directly overhead, and gauzy drapes fall across the window to keep the afternoon light filtered.

"Do you remember when your parents gave us a gift certificate to eat here as part of our Christmas present?" Leni says, looking over at me from where she's seated at my side. I nod and smile. "The food was terrible." She laughs and I join in.

"It's too pretty to be yucky," Josi frowns, taking it all in, her inner princess loving it.

"Wait. I'm not eating somewhere gross," Mason mumbles.

Leni shakes her head. "That was a different restaurant. This new one is better, don't worry."

"We'll see," Mason blows out a breath and I throw him a look. Either he's being weird tonight, or he's gone all teenager on me. He gives me a look back. "Just sayin'— we'll see. And we will."

Leni smacks her tongue and opens the menu. "And that is why he'll be sleeping in the camper with you for the foreseeable future," she says behind it with a side wink for me.

I know she's teasing, so I offer her a conspiratorial smile, even though I don't want to be in the camper for the foreseeable future.