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Frustration and unacknowledged self-loathing forced Hugh to turn around and meet Selina’s eyes head-on. He stood before her as rigid and firm as he could, shaking his head once.

“I do this because I know who I am. I have lived with myself for these thirty-four years, and I have seen what happens each time a woman gets close to me.”

The confusion on Selina’s face was powerful, the hurt simmering underneath it all the more. She didn’t back down, pulling into herself slightly as she folded her arms across her chest.

“Then tell me. Tell me what I have not learned.”

Hugh felt the weight of the universe on his shoulders.

All he wanted to do was make Selina see that he would hurt her like all the others, but the why behind that was his own fear.

Hugh’s pulse was screaming in his ears as his lungs struggled to breathe evenly.

Selina was everything he had never allowed himself to want, and now that she was about to get married to someone who would be the man she deserved, perhaps it was time to give her the truth.

A last act of kindness from the Duke, who had been so cruel to her.

Swallowing, Hugh focused on the rise and fall of Selina’s chest as she breathed, letting the words tumble free from him.

“You may have heard—in fact, I would be quite surprised if you hadn’t—but I was engaged to be married once. It was at the very beginning of my life as a man, before the vineyards and breweries, before becoming a Duke, and before I’d gone off into the world to sow my wild oats.”

Hugh didn’t mention that he hadn’t stopped sowing until the title of Duke had befallen him.

It was easy to guess as much, and he couldn’t deny that he didn’t want Selina to look at him differently, like she might if she knew just how flippant and unscrupulous he’d been with his romantic conquests as a young man.

“I was just the son of a solicitor back then. I had a simple life, and it was expected of me to marry well so that I might provide for my family. So, my father had taken it upon himself to find me a match, a proper lady and a kind girl from our class who looked forward to marriage and pleasing her husband.”

“But you did not go through with it.” Selina was quiet, and it wasn’t a question. They could both tell by the current state of things that Hugh had obviously not wed.

When Hugh glanced over at her, Selina was paying rapt attention to him.

There was such a look of concentration and compassion on her face.

He could sense that she was genuinely seeking to understand his past and the events that had led him to where he was today.

The empathy and interest were nearly too much to bear.

Hugh was not one to experience it often.

A fate of his own making, certainly, but one no one had challenged in some time.

A cool breeze danced through the trimmed branches of the hedges, stirring Selina’s hair around her. She shivered, and Hugh fought the urge to give her his jacket. He couldn’t do that. Selina would undoubtedly take it the wrong way. Better that she thought of him as cold and uncaring.

It was safer for her that way.

“I left them all behind.” Hugh released a shaky breath, his shoulders subconsciously drooping.

“I left her as I left my entire family. I sought desperately to be more than I was, to be something better and richer and so very different from my father. The girl was heartbroken, and my parents were furious with me, especially my father. While he did not legally disown me, he might as well have done so. But I wished to train under a prominent, self-made man who had offered to mentor me. It was my chance at wealth and independence.”

The softening of Selina’s features was a signal of her sympathy, her pity, and Hugh hated it. His skin crawled beneath the weight of her perception of him and his own guilt. Still, perhaps this would allow her to see that he was not meant for her or anyone else for that matter.

Clearing his throat, Hugh finished his story.

“I had not spoken to him in years when the news of his demise reached me. The next time I actually saw my father, he was in a casket, and my mother was livid. Just a few short months later, the title of Duke landed on my shoulders. I had intended to focus on the estate for only a short time. I wished to simply make my required appearance and then get back to work. But… then I met you.”

“I suppose you never imagined having to take the title or have a woman such as myself under your care.”

Hugh chuckled lightly. “That is quite an understatement. No, I did not. I fear I am not the type to be a proper Duke. I am better suited toward business and sales.”

“You have done well, Hugh. You’re too harsh a critic of your skills and ability to learn.” Selina smiled genuinely, reaching for his hand again as he stood in front of her.

Trying to resist, Hugh stepped backward once, but it didn’t last. He found himself immediately regretting his action as Selina frowned, the hurt obvious. Against his better judgment, he closed the distance between them, taking her hand and entwining his fingers with hers.

Dammit. This is what I do. I hurt those close to me, and there is no remedy to that curse.

“I apologize, Selina. This is what I do. I am not suited for this.” He gestured between them, keeping his voice low as the feeling of being cracked open haunted each passing second. “I hurt the people close to me. You have to see how this would never work now.”

“Hugh,” Selina squeezed his hand, stepping even closer so that they stood chest to chest and reaching up to cup his cheek, “you are not some type of monster. It was not the right time for you. I, of anyone, can understand that. We know when something feels off, and in the long run, I am sure you were doing the best thing for that girl. You gave her another chance at true happiness. I am sorry that your parents?—”

“Do not try to assuage me of my guilt, Selina. It is merited, I assure you. I…” His pulse was too loud in his ears again, and Hugh retreated further into himself, taking his hand back and stepping away.

“… I am glad that you have found someone who will take care of you properly. I wish you only happiness, Selina.”

Not waiting for her response, Hugh turned and headed toward the path that led out of the garden.

He would return to his room, and after tomorrow, all this would be over and set where it should be.

He made it only a few steps when Selina’s hand found his wrist, stopping him and forcing him to look back at her.

“Selina, this isn’t?—”

But her hands came up on either side of his face, and Hugh couldn’t breathe evenly, let alone speak. She held him there, meeting his eyes intensely as the wind circled around them. Then, she pushed up onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his—a gentle kiss that spoke volumes.

This was right where they had kissed the first time, and now, they were doing it again. Only this time, it was a farewell. Hugh’s heart shattered behind his ribs. Nothing felt right, and yet, he still wished to kiss her, to lose himself in the feeling of Selina.

The kiss ended too soon.

“Hugh,” Selina looked up at him, her eyes glassy as she allowed everything she was feeling to be seen on her face, “I know your heart beneath all this, and you deserve happiness as well. You are who you make yourself to be. You get to choose. And I am here should you decide to change things.”

He was too shocked to speak, utterly at a loss, and then Selina gave him a tiny smile and spun around, leaving the garden. He stood there for a moment, lost in the silence of the night, before he forced himself to get moving and head back inside.

What the bloody hell do I do now?