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Chapter Twenty-Seven

B irds sang outside Selina’s window as the sunlight slipped through the openings in her curtains. She stirred, blinking her eyes several times to adapt to the light. A pleasant soreness took over her body, and she forced herself to stretch.

Everything had changed, and yet… nothing had changed.

Selina finally opened her eyes fully and sat up in bed. The soft fabric of her blanket around her was at odds with the sharp sensations her mind was still focusing on. Prodding around near her spine with her fingers, Selina found the tender spot where her back had pressed against the bookshelf.

That ache would be a constant reminder of what had happened the night before. A strange part of her wished that she might carry the mild discomfort with her forever, even though she knew nothing would allow her to forget what Hugh and she had done together.

I am no longer a virgin. Selina sighed, knowing it would be a secret she kept until her demise. I have been claimed. Finally, the temptation for Hugh has been eliminated.

A strange sense of peace overwhelmed her.

Selina was a different woman, certainly, but this would allow her to carry on with her duties undistracted.

She would be able to marry Magnus without issue or reservation, and the idea that he might seek a lover outside their marriage would not bother her as much because she had done this herself.

Yes, it is all for the good. The matter is resolved at last.

Selina swung her legs over the mattress and stepped down onto the cool floorboards.

She proceeded to the vanity where she kept her robe and slipped it on over her chemise so that she could call down for hot water.

The ache in her muscles—as well as lower —would be well-served by the heat, and she could start her day fresh.

There were more preparations that needed to be attended to today, so many more on the list of everything that needed to be done for the wedding, and Selina wished to be as presentable and prepared as possible for them.

Certainly, now that she and Hugh had gotten all that business out of the way, she would be better able to focus.

When the maid brought up her water, Selina took her time in the bath, enjoying the way the water felt against her skin. Unbidden, memories of her evening with Hugh emerged in her brain like something floating up to the surface of the hot water. The way he’d handled her had been…

But that is all out of my system now. It is done. There will be no feverish desire for more.

Her maid helped her to dress, and Selina muffled a hiss as the tightening stays pressed on the contusion along her spine.

The woman had asked about it, and Selina was forced to come up with a lie.

She remained close to the truth, saying that it had happened when she accidentally backed into the bookshelf.

“You should be more careful, Your Grace.”

Selina smiled, patting her hand as the woman finished lacing her stays and came around to the front of her.

“I can assure you, I will. Thank you.”

“I can leave your stays a bit looser today, Your Grace, if it pains you.” The woman looked so terribly concerned, and Selina chuckled, waving off the worry.

“Nonsense. I am quite well. I am exceedingly well in fact, and I look forward to a hearty breakfast.”

“Of course, Your Grace. I will assist you with dressing so that you may descend to the dining room forthwith.”

Together, they made quick work of readying Selina for the day.

She chose a bright yellow dress, given the fine weather outside.

Selina felt lighter and more prepared to face the future than she had been in some time.

Her body worked through the memories of Hugh’s touch, and she knew that as the physical reminders faded, she would be steadily cured of her infatuation.

Looking at herself in the large mirror atop her vanity, Selina smiled and nodded.

Yes, this would be a new start for her, and she would be able to carry on with her duties with far less trouble.

She hoped that Hugh, too, would be able to move on from all this and return to focusing on his business, supplying the city with its much-needed drink.

As she shut the door of her room behind her, Selina sucked in a breath, holding it in her lungs as she made a silent wish for the remainder of the preparations to progress without issue or delay.

Everything will be sorted, and the wedding will be over and done with. I will have Mother with me to aid in caring for Kitty, and I shall return to the level of independence I am familiar with.

The words were affirmations in her mind, promises to herself that she had no intention of breaking.

Her heels clicked on the stairs as she strode down them, following the long hall to the dining room for breakfast. When she arrived at the room and stepped inside, Hugh stood at the far end, only just taking his place at the head of the table.

Their stares caught, and Selina felt the air leave her lungs in a rush as the Duke’s eyes roamed over her face.

Heat gathered beneath her cheeks, and the look in his gaze deepened, reminding her of the desperation he’d shown her the night before. Her pulse fluttered in her neck, and the constriction of her stays suddenly pressed down on her like the most monumental of weights.

The room was empty aside from the two of them, and Selina tried to force herself to offer a nonchalant smile, nodding at Hugh politely.

But her thighs pressed together as she took her seat, and that growing warmth spread to her center where slickness was impossible to ignore.

This… this isn’t as it should be. I should… Dammit.

Two more days had passed, and Selina was certain that her mind was going to burst. She could picture it: her head cracking and oozing like a soft-boiled egg.

Two more days’ worth of preparations, and Selina had been fighting to keep her eyes from drifting to Hugh through all of them.

They had remained well away from each other, hadn’t spoken much at all, and hadn’t mentioned their night in the study.

Still, there was an undeniable pull toward him.

Selina had required a respite from it all and had stolen away to the garden patio at the rear of the estate for some fresh air. It had been at least a few minutes, and it didn’t appear to be working.

“Selina?” Lydia called out from behind her, and she spun around to face her sister, her brows up to her hairline. “Ah, there you are. Are you quite all right? You have been out here for some time now.”

“I am fine.” Selina brushed aside the obvious concern, chuckling performatively to assuage her sister’s worry. “It has only been a long day. I am tired from all the numerous preparations we’ve had to see to for the wedding.”

It stung her tongue to say the word “wedding.” Selina had been unable to stop thinking about it, obviously. Still, she’d done her level best to pretend as if it were just some Season event or drum. Having to say the word out loud prevented her from finding comfort in her delusion.

“Your voice rises when you are being less than honest with me.” Lydia smiled at her gently, walking toward Selina and standing with her at the banister that circled the patio. “Would you like to tell me what is truly on your mind? You have been a listener to my woes previously.”

Selina sighed. She had not thought her sister was quite so observant, but it was clear that Lydia contained more to her than it appeared at first glance. Quite like herself, Selina thought.

“I do not wish to burden you, or anyone else, for that matter. I am aware of what must be done, and I am seeking to do it with as few issues as possible.”

Sighing, Lydia bobbed her head in a subtle nod but then turned to Selina with a frown.

“Forgive me. I know I am young, but would you explain to me why what must be done includes doing something that so clearly makes you unhappy?”

Shocked, Selina reeled back a hair. “What makes you say that?”

“I have known you all my life, Sister. I did not see it before, but I have grown, and I can see now the subtle pain that you cannot keep from your eyes. You do not want to marry Magnus. So why then have you agreed to?”

Tears prickled in Selina’s eyes. She had never believed Lydia to be paying much attention to her or her concerns.

It was common for a younger sibling to be distracted with their own life, and Selina did not blame Lydia for it.

Knowing that her sister had noticed her pain did not feel as welcome as it might have in some other situation.

“There are many considerations that I have taken into account when deciding whether or not to marry Magnus. I assure you that it is the best case scenario for me moving forward and for him.”

Lydia’s expression hardened, her brows knitting together fiercely as she held eye contact with Selina.

“You should not marry Magnus just because Hugh demands it. You have found a way out of an unfavorable match for me. Why can you not do the same for yourself?”

The indignance of youth was strong in Lydia. It had always been that way, and Selina chuckled through her nose, taking her sister’s hand and rubbing her thumb back and forth against the skin as she offered a gentle smile.

“It is not Hugh, Lydia. At least not solely. There are many factors at work here, I assure you. Moreover, I have accepted Magnus’ proposal. Duty demands that I respect that decision and go through with it.”

“It is not right!” Lydia stamped a foot down, shaking her head as she squeezed Selina’s hand. “Our lives ought to be our own. You are letting Hugh and Magnus and Mother and all of society tell you what you have to do.”

The pressure behind Selina’s ribs increased, and she dropped her head, closing her eyes briefly before looking back up at Lydia.

It was a lovely day, and the noon sun hung behind her sister so that the light silhouetted her light curls.

It made them appear to glow, and Selina’s heart ached for Lydia’s innocence and how she still remained so protected from the ways of the world.

If Selina had her way, Lydia would never have to face the challenges she faced.

“I am.” Selina nodded with a smile as Lydia gaped at her. “I must. It is the duty of the eldest daughter and of the eldest son in Magnus’ case. The world is not how we would like it to be much of the time, and I am doing what I can to find a stable place in it that does not cause me too much harm.”

“It isn’t fair, Sister. I want you to be happy.” Lydia looked so downcast, and in a familiar habit, Selina sought to do whatever she could to ease her sister’s frustration and discomfort.

“Little in life is.” She reached up and cupped Lydia’s cheek. “You will understand more when you are older. And for now—and always—I must focus on what is ahead of me. I will have you close, my dear Lydia, and that will always make me happy.”

Lydia did not look convinced, but there was nothing more Selina could do for her.

It wasn’t fair, nor was it right or kind or gentle.

However, she had not lied. Having Lydia and her family near her would make Selina very happy, and it was a happiness she was familiar with, albeit alongside all the sorrow that might accompany it.