Page 28

Chapter Twenty-Three

M agnus had excused himself sometime later, after staying for tea for a reasonable period.

Selina’s mother had awoken with a start as the door to the drawer room opened, and she had to hold back a chuckle at the way the woman handled the surprise.

Still, they said their goodbyes to Magnus, and then Selina and her mother sat together on the settee.

“Well, I do apologize. I don’t know what came over me. But I trust that the afternoon went as swimmingly as all the others. I am so glad that this fortuitous match arose. And from one of your close friends at that!”

“Yes, it is quite something, isn’t it?” Selina’s tone was flat as she answered, and she was forced to admit, at least to herself, that she was still very distracted by what Magnus had said. In fact, she was exceedingly torn about what she might do in the future.

Was taking a lover something she wanted? The idea of seeing someone clandestinely didn’t hold the thrill it might have when she was younger and had not been forced to carry the weight of her current secrets.

“Dearest.” Her mother’s voice pulled Selina from her thoughts, and she lifted her head to give her a smile. “Are you all right? I have not seen you so distracted as this in some time. And it worries me.”

Selina was shocked that her mother had noticed as much.

She was usually far too busy gossiping and carrying on about how she must marry her daughters well.

The emotional state of any one of her children had long been thought to be of only a mild concern to Bridget.

And unfortunately for Selina, this line of questioning only made her feel worse.

“I-I apologize, Mother. I am only thinking about my future. I have been married once, and I recall every moment of my time with Easton. He was a kind man, but he…”

The words were right there on the tip of Selina’s tongue. Was she really going to say this to her mother, and now of all times? But that was the thing of it. Selina was about to enter into another loveless marriage, and it plagued her in a way that made her feel hopeless and vulnerable.

“He did not love me, not romantically, at least. We were companions, yes, but it never stretched beyond that, and now-now, I feel that I am entering into the same situation as before with Magnus. He has admitted that…” Her mouth felt dry, and she had to look away from her mother and down at her fingers to continue.

“… it would be acceptable for me to have a lover outside our marriage… that he is considering doing the same. Magnus is not interested in growing to love me or father any children.”

While the last few words Selina uttered were of comfort to her, she knew her mother would disagree. Having a child and fulfilling the role of mother and caretaker was a sacred one to Bridget, and she’d never shied away from making her expectations for her daughters known.

“What? He asserted this himself?” Her mother’s eyes were as wide as tea saucers, and Selina nodded.

“I cannot believe it. You must know that this is never what I wanted for you. I know that I have always put a great deal of pressure on you all to marry well, but I had a good relationship with your father until the gambling got the best of him. I just wanted you all to find something at least as good as I had, but especially more. Not this. Not a man who will have… a lover.”

Selina continued to be surprised by her mother’s responses. Still, it did little to change the reality that lay ahead of her. She nodded, taking her mother’s hand and squeezing.

“Thank you. I am only concerned about what I should do. This is likely the best option in terms of a quick match, and the Duke has made it clear that is what he expects.”

Her mother grew serious, her brow knitting together as she looked down at where their fingers were entwined. They were close, sitting on the settee as they were, and Selina could feel the pound of her heart behind her ribs. The anxiety, while not currently pulling her under, remained present.

“Unfortunately, my dearest, I think the only thing you can do is accept the situation for what it is. We are not given many choices as women and even fewer as those in the aristocracy. We are meant to carry these burdens, wed well, and foster noble lines. But the trade-off for those sacrifices is that we do not perish in squalor.”

Selina’s heart sank. Though the future indeed looked bleak when it came to matters of her heart, she knew too well the responsibility that she carried. Her sisters and mother could be tossed out if Hugh were an even crueler man, and she needed to do what she could to protect them.

“Your father was a good man, and I know that if I had not done my duty and secured him by being a proper lady, my life would be very different now. He never would have looked twice at me in the beginning, but when I used what I had and upheld my virtue and appeal as a lady of worth, he saw that we were indeed a good match, and that grew over the years. Perhaps Magnus, too, will come to see that.”

Nodding her head, Selina forced herself to agree with her mother even as she did not believe it. Magnus was not cruel or dismissive of her needs, though. He would be as fine a husband as Easton, most likely. And it was wrong of her to wish for more than that.

“Perhaps, Mother. Perhaps he will.”

Worst of all, however, was that the possibility of Magnus being cruel or her being upset over the fact that he might take a lover were not the true issues at the core of the matter. No, it was that in her heart of hearts, she wanted another.

Selina did not want to marry Magnus. She wanted to marry Hugh.

But that was impossible. It had been so since the beginning of their relationship, if you could call it that, and Selina needed to accept that. She needed to push the impossible hopes from her heart and mind and focus on what truly mattered above all else, above even her own happiness.

And that was her family.

“And Magnus does not gamble. That is the best news you could hope for. It is an atrocious habit, and had he not fallen under its spell, your dear father would have lived longer. I’m sure of it.”

She couldn’t stop herself from snorting out a laugh at that. “Mother, the gambling didn’t kill him.”

Bridget waved Selina off. “Oh, pish tosh. I know what I know. And that includes that Magnus is a proper young man, and he will take care of you. Of us.”

Such hope radiated through her mother’s eyes that Selina felt herself choke up. She wanted so much for them to all be happy together, to have a firm settlement where they could live out their days in peace. And Selina would do just about anything to ensure her mother got her wish.

She was the eldest daughter. She had made sacrifices before, and Selina would do it again. What was best for her family was her marriage to Magnus, and so, that was what she would do, regardless of how her heart crumbled to dust beneath the idea.

“You are right, Mother. As always. I hope that we may soon celebrate our engagement.”

Bridget beamed, smiling widely and genuinely. After a moment, she patted Selina’s hand and stood up from the settee. Looking down at her, her mother gave a soft expression that Selina had never seen before.

“I love you, my dearest girl. The best thing about my marriage to your father was that it gave me you and your sisters.” They both fought back the urge to cry, tears threatening at the corners of their eyes. “But I need my rest. Your old mother is not as spry as she once was.”

She turned to leave, but Selina was quick to stand up from the chaise and hurry up to her mother, wrapping her arms around her from the side. Bridget gasped lightly then melted into the embrace, patting Selina on the cheek.

“I love you, Mother. We will all be together and happy with the Duke of Aldworth. I assure you.”

Slipping from her arms, Bridget faced Selina with a soft grin. “I know it, darling. I will see you at supper.”

Selina nodded. “I will see you then.”

Her mother left the drawing room quietly, leaving Selina in the silent room.

A fire still glowed dimly in the hearth, and she had absolutely no intention of leaving the room until dinner.

Selina would sit there on the settee, gazing out the window, and she would grieve a future that would never come.

And when she exited the room, all this Hugh business would be left behind her.

For good.