Page 76 of Hideaway Heart

“I know.”

“Even now that I have some fame, he still comes and goes. Only difference is, he wants money.”

“Do you give it to him?”

“I feel obligated,” I said. “I don’t want to, but he’s my father. He taught me to play guitar. He’s why I love music so much. And he grew up with a terrible, angry father who hit him.”

“That’s fucking horrible. But it doesn’t mean you have to support him if he keeps disappointing you.”

“I know.” I closed my eyes. “Kevin tells me this all the time. I just find it really hard to stand up to him.”

“What would you say to him if you could?”

“God.” I shuddered.

“Come on. Say the words to me. He’s not here.”

“I guess I’d tell him how much it hurt when he left us. How much it still hurts when he leaves again. I’d say that every single time he walks out the door, I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. And how no little girl should have to live that way, wondering if her dad loves her enough to come back.”

Xander was silent, like he knew there was more.

“And if he apologizes for not being theperfectdad, I’d say I was never looking for perfection. Just a dad. And when he says, ‘I did the best I could,’ I’d say, ‘no, you didn’t, Daddy. I love you, but no, you didn’t.’”

“See?” He squeezed my hand. “You can do it. You can say the words.”

“To you. Not to him.”

“Maybe next time you have the chance, you’ll do it. You’ve got the words in your head now.”

“Thanks.” I wondered if I’d ever have the guts to speak my mind to my dad that way. Xander was so lucky. His family was so great. “So did your brothers ask about us after we danced?”

“A little.” He shrugged. “Mostly they just gave me shit about something I said a couple months ago.”

“About me?”

“About looking for a wife.”

“What?” My jaw dropped. “You’re looking for awife?”

“No! I mean, notactually. Not literally. I just feel like I’m at the age where if you’re gonna do the whole white-picket-fence thing, you might as well get to it.”

“Well, sure,” I teased. “I mean, you’re gonna need energy for those three rowdy boys.”

“Exactly. I can’t be old man dad. I need to be young, cool dad.”

“I can see it very clearly. You are the cool, bar-owning dad with the tattoos and the swim records that still stand.”

“That’s fucking right they do.”

I laughed. “The girls had all kinds of questions for me in the bathroom.”

“I bet.”

“Apparently, it’s obvious you are no longer sleeping on the couch.”

“Where I sleep is none of their business,” he harrumphed.

“Oh, don’t get grumpy about it. They were happy. They said nice things.”