Page 111 of Hideaway Heart

“You must have rubbed off on me.”

His eyes lit up, and he opened his mouth, which I quickly covered with my fingers. “No dirty jokes. We’re having a very sweet conversation.”

“Fine,” he mumbled. He kissed my fingers, then took me by the wrist, removing my hand from his lips. “But I want it on record that I don’t feel right leaving the day of your big show. I want to be there for you.”

“You’ll be there in my heart, and you can watch on TV,” I said. “Hey, I have an idea! Let’s come up with a little sign that I can give so you’ll know I’m thinking of you.”

“How about this?” He mimed giving a blowjob, fist in his face, tongue poking the inside of his cheek.

“Um,no, I will not be doing that on camera. I meant something like this.” I tapped my chest three times, right over my heart.

“Yeah, your idea is probably more appropriate,” he said with a shrug. “Let’s go with that.”

“Perfect. Look for it on Thursday.” I sighed. “I promised Duke I’d let him pick me up so we could arrive together. I wish I hadn’t.”

Xander growled, his eyes narrowing.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. But I will make it very clear to the media we arenotback together. Believe it or not, Duke has actually honored his promise to keep things casual between us.”

The lines in Xander’s forehead deepened. “I don’t trust him. I never will.”

“But you trust me, right?”

“Yes.” His face relaxed and he kissed my forehead. “Of course I trust you.”

“Good.” I leaned back again, cringing when I saw the giant wet spots on the front of his T-shirt. “Yikes. Sorry about your shirt.”

“Fuck my shirt. Are we good?”

“Definitely.” I smiled and met his eyes, tapping my chest three times. “We have an understanding, you and I.”

* * *

I was too wiped out to go on our usual run, so I told Xander to work out without me. Instead, I did some slow, easy laps in the pool, then wrapped myself in a towel and lay in a lounge chair. Eyes closed, I took deep, calming breaths. Imagined myself surrounded by warm, golden light. Thought about all the things I was grateful for.

Xander was at the top of the list. I was so proud of myself for telling him the truth about how I felt. Even if I hadn’t had the nerve to say those three scary words, I’d still taken a risk—and it had paid off.

It would be hard, sure, but my gut told me we could make it work. We were that good together. It would take effort and sacrifice on both sides, but it would be worth it. I smiled, imagining Kevin’s reaction to the news that I was in a relationship with the man whose life he’d saved—the man he’d hired to protect me. I hoped I’d get to tell him in person so I could see his face. I was definitely grateful for my brother’s choice, no matter how much I’d fought it.

I was also grateful for my voice. My health. My family. This house. My career. My team. My fans. The opportunities I’d been given. The opportunities yet to come. I even found space to be grateful for the hardships I’d experienced, whether emotional or physical. Everything I’d been through had gotten me where I was today, and I was okay. If I wanted to make changes going forward, I could. I didn’t have to let fear stand in my way.

I hadn’t backed down when that James Bond guy wanted money. I’d stood up to Duke. I’d admitted my feelings for Xander. And when it was time, I’d stand my ground with PMG. If they wouldn’t let me make the record I wanted to make, as Kelly Jo Sullivan, I’d leave. The music was what mattered to me.

A shadow fell across my face, and I thought it was Xander. “You’re always blocking my sun.”

“Sorry, peanut.”

My eyes flew open to see my dad standing there. “Daddy.” I sat up and swung my feet to the ground, wrapping the towel tighter around me.

“Don’t get up. I didn’t mean to disturb you.” He sat down on the chair next to mine, facing me. Hands on his knees. “Whatcha thinking about out here?”

“Lots of things.”

“Big week, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you given any more thought to the PMG deal?”