Page 75 of Hideaway Heart

“As far as I know. He had a girlfriend for a while, but that ended earlier this year.” He gave me the side-eye, thick with jealousy. “Why?”

“I want to bang him, obviously.” I punched his shoulder. “I’m just curious! Jeez. Although he is very handsome.”

Xander snorted. “Trust me, he knows.”

“You’re all handsome. Just in different ways.” I remembered what Ari had said about girls vs. Buckley boys. “You guys must have broken a lot of hearts around here.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Sounds like Mabel and Ari have been friends for a long time.”

“They were inseparable growing up. Ari was always around.”

“I wish I had good friends like that, from way back when. People you can just always count on, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen them. People who will always be in your corner.”

“You don’t have good friends?” He sounded surprised.

“Not like that. I have my brother, but he’s gone a lot.”

“Are you close with your mom?”

“Yes,” I said hesitantly. “We’re close, and I love her, but I sometimes question her choices.”

“What choices?”

I caught my lower lip between my teeth. “I feel bad judging her.”

“You can say it.”

“Because she always supported my dream. She was there for us growing up.”

“Kelly. You’re not a bad person for having a critical opinion about your mother.”

“And I’ve got no room to talk. I took Duke back a bunch of times when I knew he wasn’t faithful.”

Xander glanced at me. “Is this about your dad?”

“Yes. He’s...I’m trying to think of the word I want to use here. Unreliable. He lets her down a lot. He lets us all down a lot.”

Taking my hand in his, Xander stroked the back of it with his thumb. “Talk to me. If you want.”

I took a deep breath. “He has a drinking problem. And a gambling problem. But he’s also handsome and charming and funny and affectionate. He started leaving us for long periods of time when I was about six, but he’d always come back, full of apologies. My mom took him back every time.”

“Wasn’t she mad?”

“Oh, she was. And she’d freeze him out a little bit at first. But somehow, he’d charm his way back into her good graces.”

“And yours too?”

“Sure. I was always just so happy that he’d come back, because I thought for sure it was my fault that he’d left in the first place.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know for sure. I just always thought, if I was better, if I was perfect, if I wasfamous, he’d come back for good and never leave.”

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. “It wasn’t true.”

“I know that now.” My throat felt tight. “I’ve gone to therapy and all that. I’ve tried hard to work through it. But certain things linger, you know?”