Page 114 of Hideaway Heart

I laughed. “Unless you have some I didn’t teach you, I can anticipate all your moves.”

“Xander. You need togo. I need to get up and start getting ready anyway. My glam squad will be here shortly.”

“Fine, I’ll go.” I gave her one last kiss and reluctantly extricated myself. “But only because a glam squad sounds terrifying.”

I took a quick shower, trying hard to shake the feeling that leaving her today was the wrong decision. But she fought back every time I suggested staying today and leaving tomorrow.Xander, don’t be ridiculous! The opening is tomorrow. What if your flight is delayed? What if there’s a last-minute emergency at the bar? What if there’s a decision to be made that only you can make?

She was right, but fuck if that pit in my stomach wouldn’t close up. I’d told her about the run-in with Hooper, but she blew it off. “Face it—I posted a photo that broadcast my address to millions of people without even realizing it. We’re lucky he was the only one to show up.”

“But don’t you think that’s weird?” I asked. “Why was he the only one?”

“Maybe I’m just not that popular,” she joked. “Maybe I should be glad Hoop even bothered.”

I got her in a headlock for that one, rubbed my knuckles against her scalp.

But all jokes and foreboding feelings aside, I did hate saying goodbye to her, even if it was only temporary.

“We have to get used to this,” she said at the front door. “We’re going to be coming and going a lot—no pun intended.”

I smiled, but I still felt uneasy as I kissed her one last time. “Kick some ass tonight. I’ll be watching.”

“Thank you. I’ll try.” She touched her stomach. “I’m nervous.”

“You’re going to bring them to their knees.” I pressed my lips to her forehead. “Just like you did to me.”

“Be safe,” she whispered. “And I will too.”

“Call me when you can.” I opened the front door, words I wanted to say sticking in my throat. “I’ll see you soon, baby.”

She blew me a kiss, and I forced myself to walk out.

I should have trusted my gut and stayed.

TWENTY-FIVE

kelly

After shuttingthe door behind Xander, I went into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. I found my mother sitting at the counter in her bathrobe, her eyes bloodshot and her face puffy. A wad of tissue was balled up in her hand.

“Mama?” Alarmed, I sat next to her and touched her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“He left again. He’s gone.”

Every time, it hurt. Every. Single. Time. “I’m sorry.”

“He said—he said—” Her chest hitched, and she dabbed at her eyes with the tissue. “I guess it doesn’t matter what he said.”

“Not really.” I rubbed her shoulder and spoke softly. “He speaks without meaning things a lot of the time.”

“Not every time,” she said, astonishing me once more by defending him.

“Not every time,” I allowed. “But enough so that we really shouldn’t trust what he says about turning over a new leaf.”

Her eyes closed, and she nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I wish I didn’t love him,” she said. “I wish I didn’t care so much.”

“Me too.” I hugged her arm and tipped my head onto her shoulder. “But maybe what we have to do is love him at a distance.” I took a breath and said what I’d been thinking for a while. “I think maybe we shouldn’t keep letting him come back home only to disappoint us over and over again.”

She was silent a minute. “He told me what you said.”