Page 101 of Hideaway Heart

“Lots of people have to date long-distance these days. It’s possible.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think either one of us wants that. We’d never see each other. It would get frustrating. He’d probably be worried all the time. And I have some trust issues,” I admitted. “It would be hard for me not to wonder what he was doing when we weren’t together.”

“I get that. But maybe you could have an open relationship. You know, like you agree to be together when you’re together and not be exclusive when you’re apart?”

“No way could I do that,” I said. “It sounds modern and progressive, but I know myself. I’m old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. And probably a bit unrealistic and starry-eyed.”

“How so?”

“I’m a romantic. I want someone to fall for me and only me. I want to be the love of someone’s life.” I laughed a little. “I’ve probably read too many fairy tales and watched too many romantic comedies.”

“I get that,” she said with a sympathetic smile.

“You’d think I’d be jaded after seeing my parents’ dysfunctional marriage—my dad sort of comes and goes as he pleases and my mother just puts up with it. Maybe that’s why I know I could never be okay with an open relationship. I know what it felt like as his daughter every time he left. I know that feeling of hope rising every time he came back.” My throat grew tight. “And I know the crushing disappointment of being abandoned again, wondering if it was my fault.”

Veronica put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed. “I get that too.”

“And then of course, I spent three years with someone who treated me the exact same way.”

“Some people think we seek out our childhood trauma and try to relive it,” she said, “hoping for a better ending.”

“That did not happen for me.” We walked for another minute in silence. “Xander and I actually talked about love,” I told her quietly. “We have very different ideas about it.”

She looked surprised. “Tell me.”

“Well, he’s looking for a comfortable, easygoing kind of thing. He wants someone laidback, someone who makes him laugh. He doesn’t believe in lightning-bolt love, the kind that just—BOOM!—strikes you in the heart and changes your life forever. He says that kind of love doesn’t last and it’s too unpredictable.”

“Oh, Xander,” she sighed.

“In his defense, he’s not one of those guys who never wants to settle down. He does have this vision of himself as a husband and father—he just sort of wants to approach finding a wife the way he’d shop for a T-shirt or something. Comfort over style.”

Veronica snickered. “Durability over looks.”

“Definitely she needs to be durable.” I lowered my voice even more. “Xander is built like a battleship and likes the fight.”

She burst out laughing, making the guys turn back and look at us. Attempting to be quiet, she cleared her throat. “I know exactly what you mean.”

We reached the ice cream shop, and Veronica tugged my arm. “If you’re not getting ice cream, come sit with me on the bench.”

I looked at Xander, who looked up and down the nearly empty street and shrugged. “It’s okay. We’ll be out in a minute.”

The guys went inside with the kids, and Veronica and I parked our behinds on a bench near the corner that faced the water. The sun was setting, and the light was golden warm on our faces. I took a breath, savoring the scent of this place—the bay, the fudge, the evergreen trees.

“I wanted to say one more thing.” Veronica pulled her heels up to the bench and wrapped her arms around her legs. “Because I went through this with Austin too. Losing their mom so young affected them in ways they don’t like to talk about.”

I looked over at her. “Actually, he has talked a little about that with me.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “He has?”

“Yeah. He said how he’d sort of prided himself on never being afraid of anything before that happened, and then losing her made him afraid. He hated that feeling.”

“Wow. He really opened up to you. That’s...that’s kind of amazing. Xander doesn’t usually admit to weaknesses or fears.”

“No, he doesn’t,” I agreed. “But we’ve been pretty open with each other.” I laughed a little. “When you’re alone with someone twenty-four hours a day, you tell a lot of your stories.”

“So maybe it’s fear holding him back when it comes to falling in love in that lightning-bolt way. Maybe he’s afraid of it.”

I shook my head. “Xander has told me a million times, he’s not afraid of anything anymore.”