Page 22 of Her Wolf of a Duke (Dukes & Beasts #1)

CHAPTER 22

I t had been a lot for Emma to understand, but she wanted to try.

In truth, she pitied Levi when he told her what had happened to him as a child, and so even though she was angry she wanted to let him try. She wanted to give him the chance to improve as a husband, and he seemed willing to do it.

He did, indeed, join her for dinner the following night. Though stilted, at first, it was nice to have company once more.

“What did you do today?” he asked, as their first course was served.

“I spent a lot of time meeting with the staff today. Mrs. Telson gave me their names, but I could never remember all of them without having a face to match them to.”

“What did you think of them?”

“They are all lovely. I must also thank you for finding me a lady’s maid, though that will take some time to get used to.”

“Yes, I must admit that I was surprised to learn that you did not have one before.”

“I shared one with my sister, but I found it easier to learn to do such things myself, and let Sarah have the maid. All that to say, I am quite adapted to doing things myself.”

“That is perfectly fine, but you should know as my wife that you can grow accustomed to the finer things in life.”

There was a strange fluttering feeling in her chest when he said that. He took care of her, even if he did not always go about it in the right way. It was just as well that he was trying, for she had something to ask him that gave her a great deal of nerves, indeed. She smoothed the paper that she was holding in her lap, the words swirling in her mind.

Sarah had been invited to a ball, and their father was refusing to accompany her after the stunt she had pulled, dancing with Lord Rosendale. There was something that Sarah wished to discuss with her, but she wished to say it to her in person, rather than by letter, and so she was hoping that Emma would accompany her.

The issue was that she was supposed to be on her honeymoon, and so if she were to arrive without her husband, questions would be asked, and she had had her fair share of whispers and rumors as it was. If she were to attend with Sarah, she would need Levi by her side, but that would be a great ask given the circumstances. He was already trying to be better, and she did not wish to push him too far.

“Something is troubling you,” he said gently. “What is it?”

“It is nothing,” she replied quickly, fixing a smile.

“I can see it in your face. You are more than welcome to tell me what troubles you, for if you do not then there is no way for me to help you. And I assure you, I wish to.”

“Well, I received this letter this morning,” she sighed, handing it to him. “It is from my sister.”

He read it quickly before handing it back to her. She watched as his face changed while reading it, shifting from concern to anger to concern once more.

“You may of course attend with her. Why has this been such a concern to you?”

“Because… I think it is best that you do, too. The rumors have only just begun to settle, but if I were to appear without you when we are supposed to be in newlywed bliss, I dread to think what people will say.”

“You seem to care an awful lot about how people see you.”

“I do. Perhaps it will not be so important when my sister is married, but for now I have done enough damage to her reputation and I think it is best that we show a united front through this.”

“Does that mean you were afraid to ask me to join you?”

“Not afraid, only that I might be asking too much of you.”

“I have told you that I am going to try and be a better husband. That means that I want you to tell me when you want something. I would be delighted to join you both. Will you need a gown for it?”

Emma thought for a moment about whether or not she had a gown for the occasion. She did have some beautiful dresses, but the more she thought about it, the less confident she was.

“I believe so,” she nodded. “I do not have anything resembling the finery that a duchess should wear.”

“Very well, I shall have the town’s modiste brought to you tomorrow. In fact, to make things easier, you might like to have several made. Have her design as many as you wish, and do not think about the cost. Also, you may wish to think about choosing the new family colors. My father always insisted on a deep red, but I never thought much of that.”

“Family colors?”

“Yes, of course. If it is a united front you want, then a united front we will have. Might you have a preference?”

Emma thought for a moment. She was pleased that it would not be red, as given her delicate reputation it was for the best that she avoided such a provocative color. She thought about Dorothy’s bright yellow and orange gowns, and shuddered. They were a duke and a duchess, two members of the ton that were destined to shine, but that did not mean that they needed to dress garishly.

“Green,” she settled. “It is a favorite of mine.”

“Wonderful. Green it is. I have plenty of suits in such a color, and so we shall always pair nicely. Have as many made as you wish.”

“Are you quite certain? I do not mean to bother you with the price.”

“I told you, you are not to concern yourself with that. You are my Duchess, and therefore you will live accordingly. It is only gowns. I shall ensure the modiste is told the same thing if I must, so that you cannot avoid it.”

“Your Grace–”

“Levi.”

“Levi,” she corrected herself, “I do not want to be a burden.”

“Then it is just as well that I do not perceive you as one. Emma, there are more important matters than your gowns and how many I must pay for. Believe me, we have ample funds.”

“I know, and I do not mean to suggest otherwise. I suppose it is simply because I am aware that my father did not give you my dowry. I do not even know if I ever had one.”

“We never discussed it. I have no need for it, and nor do you. A man like your father would only remind you of it at every opportunity, and so I do not want to give him the option to. We do not need him. You do not need him.”

Emma already knew that, of course, for she had not needed him for many years. Her family had, essentially, only been herself and her sister, and they had liked it well enough that way. She hoped that her sister was not too lonely without her, but she would be able to ask her that herself at the ball.

She nodded to Levi, thanking him. His only response was that she had no need to thank him, for he was only doing his duty. Emma wished that, rather than it being his duty, it was because he simply wanted to be good to her, but she did not say as much. He was doing the right things, and she couldn’t expect him to be perfect and do it for the right reasons.

They continued to talk, and soon enough it was their final course. Part of Emma had hoped that the dinner would not end, as she knew what would happen when it did. Levi would return to his study, and she would be alone once more. She enjoyed his presence, and she did not want him to leave.

To her surprise, he did not leave her when they had finished. Instead, he led her to the parlor room and handed her a drink. She looked at her glass, and then at him, with a furrowed brow.

“You need not worry,” he chuckled. “It is not whiskey this time.”

“It is not that,” she sighed, taking a sip of her virtuously unaltered lemonade.

“Then what is it?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to join me after dinner, that is all. It is a welcome surprise, though, believe me.”

“Then I will stay,” he nodded, taking a seat. “Perhaps you might play the pianoforte for me?”

She bristled slightly at that.

“I have not played in years. I simply taught Sarah what I knew and then never tried again.”

“Then there is no better time to try it again. Please, I will not pass any judgment.”

Emma nodded shyly, finishing her glass and approaching it tentatively. Sarah had quickly surpassed her with her playing, and Emma had forgotten how to play almost entirely. She reached out to the keys, and played a few notes of a song she vaguely remembered, but that was all that she could do. She paused, wondering what Levi would think of her, but then she heard footsteps approaching, and suddenly he was standing behind her, his hands covering hers.

“Have I ever told you that I learned how to play?” he asked, grinning.

“No, you have never mentioned it.”

“Well,” he continued, sitting beside her, “I did not have much to do as a boy, and so I decided to learn. It took a very long time, and fortunately I had a tutor that knew how to do it, so he helped me.”

She removed her hands, and he played for a while. He was good, far better than anyone else she had ever heard. She looked at the look of concentration in his face, his eyes closed as his hands glided across the keys and played the most beautiful song, one she had never heard before. He continued for a while, his eyes only opening when he had finished.

When he looked at her, her eyes wide, he seemed to panic a little, as though he had forgotten that she was there at all. She giggled at that, her expression softening. She placed his hands over his, and though she felt herself shaking she did not move them away again.

“Would you mind playing again?” she asked. “I would like to know how it feels to play well.”

He did not question her, instead playing another song, something happier, and she relaxed her hands so that they simply followed his. His touch felt wonderful, exactly what she had been missing over the past few days. And she hoped that the song, much like the dinner, would not come to an end. It did, of course, but she did not take her hands away and neither did he. They remained side by side, and she tried to steady her breathing. She did not dare look at him, for fear that she would have to look him in the eye, which with how she felt she did not dare to risk.

“You play beautifully,” she whispered.

“Thank you, though you must know what you helped that time.”

She laughed softly, knowing perfectly well that she had done nothing at all; she had not even known the following note at any time. It was simply nice not to think, and to instead follow his lead. He was a good leader, both in dance and in playing pianoforte, and it no doubt reflected in his role as Duke.

“How are you coming along with your duties?” he asked suddenly, and the moment came to an end.

She stiffened, removing her hands and placing them in her lap.

“Everything is well taken care of,” she explained. “I am learning quickly, according to Mrs. Telson, and I will soon be ready to handle the running of the household alone, although that is quite daunting.”

“You need not do it before you are ready. In any case, that is not what I meant.”

“What do you mean? You were asking how I am doing.”

“Yes, I wish to know how you are feeling about it all, not what you have accomplished. You have only been here a matter of days, and so it is hardly fair for me to expect you to know everything. I only wish to know how you feel about everything.”

“Well, in that case… I will say that I am finding this easier than I had expected. I was never taught how to do any of it, and when I decided to be a spinster I forgot all of the things I had learned. Thankfully, I am feeling happier about my duties, especially today.”

“Good. Should you have any questions at all, you are more than welcome to ask me when you see me. Mrs. Telson should know everything there is to know, but should a problem ever arise, I will be happy to help.”

“Thank you. Mrs. Telson certainly is knowledgeable.”

“Indeed. I often say that what she has forgotten about this estate is not worth knowing to begin with.”

Emma smiled at that, but her worry soon returned. Levi noticed it, concern etched in his brow as he noted just how different she had looked of late. Her countenance had been more withdrawn, and he did not like it. He missed the young lady that he had met, though he knew he was partly to blame for how she was feeling.

“What is it?”

“I am afraid,” she confessed. “I am afraid that I will never be able to do all of this, and that you will be disappointed and wish that you had someone else to handle all of this. There is simply so much, and I do not know what to do.”

“Well, first of all, you must calm down. You shall not be able to think at all if you do not.”

Emma tried to compose herself, but it was difficult. Suddenly, she felt his hand on the small of her back, moving slowly up and down. She snapped upright in surprise, but the sensation was strangely reassuring and slowly she relaxed once more.

“Have I made you feel like this?” he asked.

“No, you have been perfectly lovely about it all. It is my father. He– he has always told me that I am not enough, and that I will always be a failure. I wanted to be good at this, and I hoped that it would come naturally and I would instinctively do the right thing, but it has not. I know that it is unfair to myself, but sometimes I make a mistake and suddenly I am ten years old once more, and being scolded for scratching my fork against my plate.”

He was quiet for a moment. She wondered what he would say, as she had not expected to say all that she had. She was ashamed of her past, and the treatment she had received from her father. He tipped his head back, looking at the ceiling with a small groan.

“If I ever see that man again,” he said in a low voice, “it shall be too soon. And I may well be the last thing he sees.”