Page 17 of Her Wolf of a Duke (Dukes & Beasts #1)

CHAPTER 17

F ortunately, the suitor was not the Viscount.

Emma felt a greater relief than she had ever thought possible when she saw Sarah walking with the Baron in the gardens, accompanied by their maid. She supposed that she was no longer trusted to act as chaperone, and she did not mind that too much.

What she did mind, however, was the fact that her own plans had changed completely. She had her aims, and though they were not perfect they were at least her own. She had never been the sort to dream of a stately home and fabulous wealth, but she could not be ungrateful for it. After all, who could ever be resentful of such a life?

Except she was.

The following morning came, and the Duke arrived for their walk. They left the household quickly, the maid following along after them. Emma did not know what to say, but given the silence she decided that he did not either. Someone, she decided, had to say something.

“It feels strange doing this,” she said suddenly.

“Because we are already engaged?”

“I suppose, although that is not what I mean. It has simply been a long time since I have been courted. Not that I was ever in a serious courtship, of course. I simply had a lot of callers.”

“I do hope you are not trying to make me jealous,” he joked, and she sighed, an undeniable smile on her lips.

He could be a friend to her, at least.

“Not at all, Your Grace.”

“Perhaps, in light of the circumstances,” he said carefully, “you might drop the formality? I should like to do the same.”

“The circumstance being that we are engaged, or the circumstances that led to such an engagement?”

“Both of them, I would say. We might as well do so now, if you do not mind?”

“Of course not.”

“Very well, Emma.”

He had a grin on his face as he said it, and Emma couldn’t deny the strange feeling in her chest as he called her by her given name. It was personal, somehow even more so than their kiss. It was the last wall she had been able to keep between the two of them, and now…

“Indeed, Levi.”

It felt strange to say, but he seemed satisfied and they continued on their way.

“We are, indeed, engaged, are we not?” she asked.

“I should think so, given that I asked you to marry me and you accepted. Why do you ask?”

“Because, and you mustn’t take this to mean I crave material things, but there is no ring.”

“Oh! Yes, of course. It must have slipped my mind when your father was being so …dreadfully traditional.”

“You may come to expect no less from him, for he will not change.”

“Then it is just as well that I have very little interest in you and I ever seeing him. I should think that is his preference too.”

“But we shall see my sister, yes?”

“As often as you please. I have no qualms with her at all,” he nodded. “Indeed, if our situation has affected her own fortunes, I would not mind finding space for her. I cannot stand a bully, and the thought of leaving her with one gives me a great deal of unease.”

“Do you mean it?”

“I do. I would not make such a promise if I did not intend to keep it.”

His words had filled her with hope, although she couldn’t help but notice the seriousness in his tone. She wanted to ask him about it, but it did not feel like the right time to do so. If anything, it was simply his hatred of her father, which she could not blame him for.

“Why did you call on me today?” she asked. “We are to wed in a week, and so it is not as though we must do all of this.”

“I wanted to see how you are. It was a difficult ending to the party, and with all that is being discussed in the ton at the moment, I thought it wise to ensure you are doing well.”

“In spite of everything, I am indeed. I had always thought that ruin would be worse than this, but then not all ladies are surprised with a proposal. I was certainly not expecting one.”

“Because I am a rake? A ruiner of reputations?”

“Yes. No– what I mean is… I did not think you would care what became of me.”

He seemed genuinely shocked at such a belief.

“I apologize,” she said softly, “for all of this. It was not my intention.”

“You have no need to apologize.”

“But I do! I was the one that kissed you, and now we are here.”

“I did kiss you, too.”

“Only because I did not leave you with much of a choice. It was willful, the worst thing that I have ever done.”

“Well, did you enjoy it?”

She could feel her blush creeping into her hair. How could she answer such a question, especially when he was looking at her the way he was?

“You mustn’t ask such things,” she protested, continuing on her way.

He followed after her, chuckling as he did. Emma wanted to turn and tell him that he infuriated her, and that she did not like him at all, and that the way he acted was unbecoming at best, but she could not. He fell into step beside her again, holding his arm out, and instinctively she took it. He had strong arms, and in spite of herself she felt protected by that.

“You did not answer me,” he said after a while.

“Because I do not dare. We have caused enough trouble.”

“And now we are in your garden, by your home, not under the ton’s watchful eye. Even if we were, it is not as though we could find ourselves in any more trouble than we are already. Therefore, you are able to answer me. Did you enjoy it.”

“Yes,” she replied at last. “Are you satisfied?”

“I certainly was, yes.”

“Levi!”

“Emma.”

“You are insufferable,” she sighed.

“And you will be my wife, which means you face a lifetime of irritation. Truly, you poor thing.”

But he was laughing kindly, and Emma couldn’t help but do the same. He was not an unkind man, nor a spiteful one. That was to say, there were worse men that she could have been engaged to.

He took a ring from his pocket, taking her hand in his and slipping it on.

“I did remember, by the way. I thought it best to wait until everything was easier. My proposal was not ideal, so I hope this makes up for it.”

It was a beautiful ring, with a large diamond in the center. It was far more expensive than she had ever expected to see, unless Sarah had made a particularly good match, and it felt heavier than she had thought jewelry could.

“You shouldn’t regret what happened,” he continued, “not if you enjoyed it. And, if you therefore do not regret it, you should not apologize.”

“Very well. This ring is beautiful. Thank you.”

“It was my grandmother’s. It’s funny, she refused to give it to my father. She said the match was not right, and so she could not support it. My mother always wanted it, claiming that it was her right.”

“Was it not?”

“No, not if my grandmother did not want her to have it. Instead, she gave it to me. She told me to make better choices than my parents had, and until then I could not give it to any lady.”

“Does that mean you think this was a good idea?” she teased, but he was serious.

“Her instruction was to do better, and I do not believe I could have found worse for myself than what my parents shared.”

Emma fell silent, wondering what had happened between them, but only for a moment because he then cleared his throat and looked steadily into her eyes.

“I should be the one apologizing to you.”

“Why? You never do anything you regret, and so by your rules you should not apologize.”

“It isn’t that I regret this, but this match is far less than you could have found. I am marrying you because it is my duty to do so, and it will be far better for you than staying here, but I never wanted to marry.”

“Nor did I.”

“No, but I will not be a true husband to you. This is a marriage of scandal, and nothing more, and that is all it will ever be. For that, I must apologize.”

It felt as though the air had been knocked out from her. She was not in love, and she was not foolish enough to think that he could be, but to be told that it would never happen was another thing entirely.

“Why will this never be a real marriage?”

“Because it will not. I do not want to be a loving and doting husband. I am not capable of such a feat.”

“Do you truly believe that?” she asked, trying to keep herself steady.

“I do. I know it to be the case.”

She searched his face for something that told her more, but there was nothing. She couldn’t see any affection at all, and while it felt unfair to expect it of him she wanted to see something even resembling it. However, there was nothing, and she had to move past expecting such a thing. He had never promised her any such thing, and so she could not well expect it.

“Very well,” she nodded.

“If you wish to cancel the engagement, I will not blame you.”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, Lord Rosendale called on my sister yesterday, which means that he is willing to look past the scandal. If the ton is to not see my sister differently because of it, I must marry.”

“I am not asking you to do it for my sake. I am only asking because I want you to do what is right for you. That is the only thing I have ever done, after all.”

“Yes, well, it is the only thing that I have never done. There is no need for me to begin doing so now.”

“I have upset you.”

“Nothing upsets me, not anymore. I did not cry the night of that ball, and I do not intend to cry simply because a man that I do not love is telling me that he never will. You mustn’t think that you have such power over me, Your Grace.”

“Levi.”

“I shall call you that when I am your wife. Until then, you are a duke to me. The Duke of Lupton. If this is how you want our marriage to be, one of convenience, then so be it. I will gladly comply with that.”

“Emma, if I could have this be any other way, I would, but I cannot.”

“Then all is well. It is no trouble, I assure you. I have never been one to have many expectations, and so you must know that you will have great difficulty in disappointing me. I shall be a good wife, in that respect.”

They continued in silence, save for a few mumbled questions about the ceremony. Levi had it all in hand, and had given Emma limitless funds to do with as she pleased, meaning that at least her trip to the modiste with her friends would be enjoyable. They were to go the following day, and there was a long list of items that she wished to purchase. It would require a lot of work on the modiste’s part, but so long as she paid her well it would be possible.

When Levi left her, Emma at last thought about what he had told her. Their marriage would be loveless, but at least she would be afforded the security of a duchess. She would be taken care of, even if not loved. That was more than she could ask for, she reasoned, and therefore there was no need to feel hurt. Perhaps, if she was a better lady, one of higher standing or one that was more ladylike to begin with, she might have earned affection, but as it was she did not warrant it and she was perfectly happy with that.

Or, rather, she would be. One could not be too sad, she decided, while having every whim catered to.

“Oh, that is beautiful!” Sarah said softly when she saw the ring. “What a treasure! I have half a mind to whisk it off of your hand while you’re not looking. Not that I ever would, of course.”

“It is certainly lovely,” Emma nodded with a sigh. “Sarah, you will be happy with the Baron, won’t you?”

“I truly believe so. He told me on our walk yesterday that, no matter the scandal, he wants to be my husband. His family agrees. They told him not to listen to any of it, and that if I am the lady he wants as a wife then he is to make good on his desires. I cannot believe how fortunate I am.”

“Good, that means this is not for nothing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” she smiled, though she had to admit even her smile was pained.

She had sacrificed years of her life for her sister, and so what difference would a few more make? She would be happy enough in her estate, living in a manor house with dozens of servants. Love, in her position, was frankly too much to ask for.

And so she would not ask for it at all.