Page 19 of Her Loyalty

I laid in bed, icing my eye as all of today's events replayed over and over in my mind.

I was sad, mad, heartbroken and I just couldn't get my mind off of Dominic.

He didn't deserve any of what I'd done to him but seeing him with another girl broke my heart to the max.

I guess that was just a small piece of what he'd been feeling when I admitted to him that I was cheating.

Breaking me out of my thoughts, my phone rang loudly. I turned over to it as it charged on the charger and Dominic's contact flashed across the screen.

At first I'd decided I didn't want to answer because I didn't want to cause him or myself anymore hurt ache. But I knew that this would be the closure we both needed after today so I answered anyway.

"Hello." His raspy voice came through the phone and I struggled to hold my tears in.

"Hi." I spoke quietly, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say.

"How is your eye, T?" He went onto ask and I shrugged as if he could see me.

"It's fine."

"I'm putting ice on it right now." I told him and the line went quiet for a few moments.

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened today."

"I should've never let that shit go that far. You and my sister should've never got into it like that."

"Whether I like it or not, y'all are, well were , the two leading ladies in my life and that shit wun' cool."

"Don't worry. I understand." I admitted.

"It was my fault, I shouldn't have slapped you and I just listened when you asked me to leave."

"But in my defense, I was just upset about what I saw, so I blacked out." I explained, referring to him and the girl he was in the house with.

"Na' I know watchu mean."

"It's jus-" I started but stopped.

"Seeing you with her really hurt me, Dominic."

"Yeah, I know." He admitted as I looked down.

"Can you ju-"

"Can you tell me if you and her did anything? I just really need to know."

"For closure purposes." I added.

"Aight, if I tell you then you gotta tell me.." He trailed off and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"About if I did anything sexual with Connor?" I asked him, making sure that was what he was talking about.

"Yeah."

"Okay." I took a deep breath.

"Well you go first." I told him, mentally preparing myself.

"Aight, look.."

"I let the bitch suck my dick but I wore a condom when she did it then she wanted me to fuck on her and I was gon' to because of the way I was feeling about you but I didn't."

"I couldn't." He spoke bluntly and though I mentally prepared myself, it still hurt to hear.

"Hm." I closed my eyes, trying to keep my tears in tact.

"Well I guess you had the right to let her.." I trailed off, heartbroken.

"Let her do that to you." I went on.

"And at least you did it while we weren't together."

"What that mean?" He asked and I looked down at my fingers, preparing myself to drop this bomb.

"Well.."

"I let Connor give me head one time when we were going through an argument." I admitted and I heard him scoff.

"Yeah, I know. That bitch ass nigga told me. I just wanted to see if you was gon' admit that shit."

"Really?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

Here I was scared to even tell him and he already knew.

"Yeah.." He trailed off, making me tuck my lips.

"I'm sorry." I ended up saying and the line went quiet again.

"What made you do it?" He ended up asked after a few seconds went by.

"Well, it was that one time when we were all outside and you were selling drugs behind my back. You kept telling me to go in the house and get you things, just so that you could hurry up and sell something while I wasn't there." I expressed and he smacked his lips.

"So that made you go and-"

"I was feeling disrespected, Dominic." I cut him off, defending myself.

"You don't know how it feels to feel that way and then go and be treated another way with someone else. I was vulnerable and I was mad at you."

"I did it because I was surely going to break up with you." I went on and he sighed.

"Well I never knew you felt a way, T. You ain't said shit about it afterwards so I figured you ain't give a fuck."

"If you really felt a way, you should've just said something. Not go and do some crazy shit like that." He went on, explaining his anger.

"Yeah, I know." I nodded in agreement.

"And if anything, it was out of respect. I vowed to never sell drugs in front of you and I meant that shit."

"Really wun' nothing to get upset about but I apologize for upsetting you, I guess." He scoffed while I looked down, feeling horrible.

As the line went silent again, I just prayed and hoped that he'd come to his senses. I just wanted him to tell me that we were going to be alright. That we were going to try and work it out.

Our story deserved a happy ending. It was only right.

"Listen, Tiana." He finally spoke up as if he was reading my mind.

"I know you said you don't want me to talk to you no more and we probably won't ever be good again, considering the circumstances.." He trailed off.

"But I was just calling to make sure you were good, ma."

"Though I'm mad as shit and I don't forgive you for the shit you did. We was friends first and you was the love of my life for six years, you know?" He went on and I nodded my head, listening intently.

"Well yeah." I shrugged.

"And like I said, my eye is fine."

"But you know like I know, I'm not fine on the inside." I admitted, looking down at my fingers.

"I ain't good either, ma." He admitted too, breaking my heart even more.

"And they way I'm feeling about that cheating shit.." He trailed off.

"I just can't take you back, T."

"I'm just not on that level with you no more." He admitted and it broke me down more than anything else he's said today. This was like the icing on the cake for me.

"I-" He started but stopped, sighing deeply.

"I loved you." He went on.

"I mean, I still love you, ma."

"But love just ain't enough no more to make me stay witcha. Love can't make this work."

" Trust ." He said.

"I need to trust you if I'm gon' be with you and I just don't."

"Not no more, T." He went on and I nodded slowly, understanding everything that he was saying to me.

"I-I understand." I expressed to him. I had no choice but to understand. This was all my fault. I had to own up to that and deal with the consequences, whether I liked them or not.

"I should've been honest with you from the start. I should've just told you what my mom was trying to do and maybe none of this would've even happened."

"And maybe we could've worked." My voice cracked, tears slowly falling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry for cheating and lying to you."

"I'm sorry for taking everything we had for granted."

"And, I'm sorry we couldn't make it to six years." My lip trembled before I took a deep breath.

"I'm just so sorry, Dominic. You loved me and I treated your love like a throw away."

"I should've never did that to you. You didn't deserve that." I went on, venting to him.

"And what makes me even sadder is I know I'm never going to find another person that'll loves me as much as you did."

"As much you do."

"Never." I went on.

"Because people aren't out here loving like they should. Most of these men hate women. They don't even like their significant others. They just enjoy fucking them." I spat.

"Now I have to put myself out there again, at the risk of being hurt by one of these assholes when I could've been loved properly by you."

"No doubts. No questions asked." I went on, sobbing now. I was beginning to realize that we were really over.

"Dominic, I love you and I'm sorry I just couldn't be the girl you needed."

"I really hope you find someone who loves you unconditionally because you deserve it."

"All I know is, it better not be that bitch that you were in the house with today." I went onto say, making him chuckle softly.

"Na', you know me, T. That's not my type to cuff."

"Come on na'." He went on joking, making me smile small.

"Dominic, I love you." I said again as the line went quiet.

"And I hate that we have to end like this. Especially on our anniversary." I scoffed with a smile.

"Now our loving anniversary is our break up anniversary too." I went on to say, sighing deeply.

"I love you, okay?" I told him, just hoping he'd say it back.

"Aight, T." He accepted it but didn't respond to it.

"I'll see you around. Aight?"

"Okay."

"Bye."

*