Page 9

CHAPTER 9

Geo

“Absolutely not,” I say as I fold myself into the driver’s seat of the Lexus.

“Geo, seriously. Don’t you think you’re being a tad bit dramatic about this whole thing?” Katy nips.

“I have a hotel, Katy,” I reply firmly.

“Yeah, a hotel that is, like, an hour away from everyone.”

Which is a blessing, obviously.

“Oh, so it’s fine for me to travel an hour into Posdosh, but mom can’t be bothered, right?” I snap.

Katy sighs.

“It’s not like that Geo.”

I turn my car on, once again Heaven Sent is playing, and I change the channel.

I never intended on releasing the damn song, but Kevin found one of my old writing journals when we were moving to the new studio last year, and thought it was completely fine to read all of my songs I’d written before I signed with the label.

Songs I never shared with anyone, not even Zeb.

“These are phenomenal, Geo. How come you don’t write stuff like this now?” he asked.

I only shrugged, because I was feeling super vulnerable and embarrassed that Kevin was perusing my emo Geo Graves stuff.

When I was performing as a Christian artist, my songs were always marketed as being about God, and I never really told my mom they weren’t.

But most of them were love songs about that perfect person I know exists, somewhere.

The one God chose for me, but I haven’t found yet.

I frown, because Heaven Sent always reminds of Zeb.

I wrote it as the counterpart to his song, Hellbound , but no one actually knows that but me.

And if I’m being honest, Hellbound is so much better than Heaven Sent .

He probably doesn’t even remember about our proposed double album.

It was just an idea, at the time, and sometimes, I think if I didn’t get the record deal from Casualty, maybe we would have produced it together.

Maybe we could have departed from Geo Graves and formed our own act.

But I guess I’ll never know what would have been, because I chose Hollywood instead.

I chose Gravedigger .

“Then tell me what it’s like, Katy, please,” I snap.

She sighs.

“Just think about it at least, okay? You know it’s quiet here, you can relax and not have to worry about being hounded by paps, for one thing.”

I chew on my bottom lip, because she’s right on that account, at least, but I don’t want to tell her that.

I need to stand my ground.

She pauses for a moment, her voice taking on a cautious tone.

“Besides. Zeb’s here.”

I grind my jaw a bit at her words, because I don’t know how to respond.

I know he and Katy are tighter than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but the last thing I want to discuss with my sister is.

.

.

him.

At least right now.

Panic floods me and I wonder if this is really such a good idea.

Going home.

Seeing my family.

Seeing Zeb.

What if.

.

.

what if he’s just, like, being polite?

What if he doesn’t really want to see me, but doesn’t want to hurt my feelings?

What if I go home and nothing has changed?

What if I go home and everything has changed?

Katy’s voice softens.

“It’s where you should be, Geo.”

“I should be at the studio right now, Katy,” I fire back harshly.

She sighs.

“What are you so worried about? It’s mom and dad, Geo. It’s your family.”

I envy the ignorance my sister has.

She and I didn’t have the same parents growing up.

They never grounded her or shamed her for shit.

No, instead, my sister brought home her first boyfriend at sixteen, and my parents were practically thrilled because he was “a good Christian boy”, but I literally caught him feeling up my sister in the pool shed the summer before they started “dating.”

Good boy, my ass.

“Yeah, and my family doesn’t have the best track record of treating me like an adult.” I huff.

“Geo...” she sighs.

I can hear the sadness in her voice.

I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Look, I don’t want to fight about this, okay?”

Her voice softens.

“I know.”

I pull into the studio parking lot, park my car, and turn it off.

But I don’t move.

There is a thick silence before she speaks again.

“You need to forgive them, Geo,” she implores, and I can hear the heartache in her voice.

I stare at the studio, thinking about her words.

Thinking about home.

My life wasn’t terrible by any means.

I know my parents were just doing what they thought was right for me because they loved me, but just because they loved me doesn’t negate the fucking trauma they caused me.

Every value they tried to instill on me became my armor.

And even underneath the visage of Gravedigger , that armor is still there, even if no one can see it.

I don’t know if I can forgive them, because I can’t even forgive myself.

“Katy...” I sigh.

“Just... promise me you’ll think about it, okay?” Her voice is soft, and I can hear the emotional pain in it.

“I miss you. I want to see you, too, you know.”

Her words are serious, and they weigh on me heavily.

Suddenly, I feel like an asshole.

I might have issues with my parents, but Katy’s different.

And I miss her, too.

Her and Zeb, they were always my pillars of strength.

“I’ll think about it, okay?” I say, swallowing harshly as my heart catches in my throat.

“Okay,” she says, and then the line goes dead.

I cue up my text, and I don’t even think twice about texting Zeb, even though I know I shouldn’t.

But I feel overwhelmed, angry, and upset, and I need my friend.

I need him.

Call you later?

I lick my lips, waiting.

I count to one, to two, until I hit ten seconds, and then I see the bubbles.

The relief that floods me is instant.

Yeah, sure.

I stare at those two words, noting how just the sight of them is a weight off my shoulders.

Maybe going home won’t be so bad.

Because Zeb’s there.