Page 21

CHAPTER 21

Geo

There is no escaping family dinner.

Especially because Katy and my parents know exactly where Zeb lives.

He’d offered to host the dinner tonight, I think, because he knows I’m already on edge around my mother.

But I’m not sure what’s worse—being around my mother and the white picket fence shit, or having my parents sit on the couch my former bandmate slash boyfriend-ish person just sucked my dick on while said boyfriend-ish person currently cooks dinner five feet away.

When my phone rings, I thank God for the intervention.

“It’s Mateo, I’m just going to... uh... yeah, I’ll be back,” I utter as Katy raises an eyebrow suspiciously.

She clutches her wine glass, standing next to Zeb as she glares at me.

It’s weird, I won’t lie.

For starters, my sister is all of five foot three and one hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet, and Zeb is like a grizzly bear next to her, but the way she’s looking at me is like she’s the Mama Bear out to get me.

When I get into the guest room, I shut the door.

“What’s up?”

Mateo’s smooth voice sounds in my ear.

“My sister has commandeered me and my boyfriend to join her and Richie on a trip tomorrow to the Grand Canyon.”

I don’t miss the sarcasm in his voice.

“Oh, a road trip, how cute,” I tease him.

“It’s a two hour drive from the hotel,” he bites.

“You don’t sound particularly thrilled. What’s wrong?”

“Did you hear me? I’m going to spend two hours in a car with the Wylde brothers and my sister, and you’re asking me what’s wrong?”

I laugh.

“You sound bubbly as fuck. Things going well with the new demographic, I take it?”

I can’t help the smile that forms on my face, knowing no one can see me.

“He has a name, you know.”

“Really, I wasn’t aware,” he taunts me.

I shake my head.

“His name is Zeb.”

Mateo pauses dramatically.

“Your former band mate?”

There is no surprise or shock.

I find his lack of a reaction, refreshing.

“You should bring him.” His tone is serious, and it’s not a question.

Panic, shame, and guilt threaten to build up again.

I bite my lip.

Like a.

.

.

date?

“Geo?” Mateo calls, pulling my attention.

“I mean, I guess we could come, but I’ll have to run it by him first.”

Mateo purrs on the other end of the phone.

“Excellent. We’re heading out around ten, so we can all meet up around noon in the parking lot. Hailee’s booked us a private tour.”

Right, of course.

Hailee and Mateo have always been pretty high profile, but with their young, rising-star boyfriends, I doubt they’d be able to just join a regular tour.

All of them, especially the Heart Killer boys, are not easily disguised.

At least if I want to disappear, all I have to do is take out my contacts, dress in preppy clothes and a ball cap, and I’m good.

Zeb knocks on the door, opening it just slightly.

“Everything okay?” he asks, and my heart skips a beat.

God, he is so beautiful, and I feel my entire body relax at just the mere sight of him.

“See you tomorrow, Geo,” Mateo says, then the line goes dead.

“Uh, yeah,” I say chewing my lip as I think about Mateo’s request.

Zeb looks behind him, then slips into the room, shutting the door.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he says as he reaches out, running his fingers along my hip.

In my peripheral vision I can see us both in the mirror, standing there.

I can see the way his larger frame engulfs me, and the memory of his fucking head between my legs resurfaces.

“Would you want to go to the Grand Canyon with me? Tomorrow?” I ask.

“You know, since the concert was postponed and all...”

Zeb smirks, running his fingers along the skin beneath my shirt.

The touch is soothing, warm.

“Like a date?” he asks, his tone so much more confident than mine.

“I mean, there would be other people there...” I say, licking my lips.

“Mateo, his boyfriend, Dare. Hailee, her boyfriend Richie.”

“Ah. Your label mates,” he states.

“My friends,” I reply, hoping he understands.

Mateo and Hailee are like family to me.

And while I don’t know the Wylde brothers that well, I know that Dare and Richie are young, bright, and fun and a hell of a closer to Zeb’s age than I am.

I think it might not be such a bad idea.

Maybe.

.

.

maybe it would work out okay?

“So you want me to meet your friends?” he asks, his voice even.

Deep, dark.

I nod.

“Yes.”

He pulls me closer.

“You still owe me for the Gardens,” he says darkly.

I brace myself, my hands on his hips.

Heat engulfs me from the way he looks at me.

No one has ever looked at me the way he does.

“I do not. I?—”

He smirks.

“Now you want me to meet your friends.” He shakes his head.

“Are you always this demanding, Geo Graves?” he whispers against my ear, his breath hot on my neck, his sweet and tempting scent all I want to breathe.

I bristle in his hold, my cock standing at attention.

“Maybe,” I admit.

His hand slides over my ass, and I tense immediately, looking at the door and I freeze.

He slips it beneath my waistband, his palm hot against my flesh.

A mad blush forms on my cheeks, heating me like a flame.

“Seriously?” My voice lifts, high-pitched.

“You can tell me to stop,” he says with the sexiest grin I’ve ever seen on anyone.

Man or woman.

“My parents and sister are out there...” I mumble, flustered.

“How bad do you want me to meet your friends?” he teases, slipping his fingers right over my seam.

I suck in a breath, trying to breathe as my cock twitches.

“What about dinner?” I ask, heat ransacking my body.

“What about my fucking parents?”

“Your dad is manning the grill in the backyard, and Katy and your mom are on their second glass of wine.”

I look up into his eyes, knowing I’m going straight to hell for what I say next.

I rest my hand on his cock, my palm heated.

“Really bad,” I declare, gazing up at him.

He leans down and kisses me, and I feel like the world falls away.

“How bad do you want me to suck your cock right now?” I ask.

Zeb raises an eyebrow at me, smiling deliciously.

“Really fucking bad.” He clears his throat.

“But only if that’s what you want.”

I glance at the door, then back at him, sin blooming in my core.

I’ve spent my entire life being good.

Even when I left and started my career at Casualty, I was still perpetuating my “Good Christian Values” by wearing my ring.

I twist my fingers over the steel that I haven’t taken off in sixteen years.

The heat from my skin warms it, as I realize my boundaries aren’t defined by anyone else.

Not by my mother, or Kevin, or the label, or even the public.

It’s up to me.

It’s a choice.

I slide my ring off my finger and set it down on the dresser.

Zeb grins.

“Yes. I want it.” I say, signing my death certificate.

God can’t save me now.

I slide up to Zeb, focusing on his gaze as I pop the button on his jeans, and I take a deep breath, sliding my hand inside his boxers.

His cock is warm against my skin, thick as I hold him.

I push him down with one hand and he falls against the foot of the bed, looking up at me with dark, lust-hazy green eyes.

I take in the sight of him like this—arms braced on the messy bed, his thick cock bouncing freely—and I half worry I might actually choke.

God, that would be embarrassing as fuck.

But despite the fear, the worry, and the panic, I want this.

I want him.

“Holy fuck,” he says, looking up at me.

“What?” I say, grabbing my cock, if only to adjust myself.

“You look so fucking hot right now,” he says, and his voice is barely a whisper.

“Do I, now?” I ask as I take one step forward, then another, until I am between his heavy legs.

Zeb nods as I drop to my knees before him.

I lick my lips, slowly squeezing him at first.

“Time’s ticking,” he says, but his tone isn’t hurried or rushed, or even pushy by any means.

It’s warm.

It’s safe.

It’s home.

I say a silent prayer that I don’t die suffocating on his dick, and then I close my eyes and I just do it.

I jump off the fucking cliff and take him into my mouth.

His dick is smooth and salty in my mouth and I don’t miss the way he curses under his breath when I do so.

I run my tongue up and down his shaft, sucking his cockhead like a popsicle on the Fourth Of July.

His fingers find my hair, and he slowly thrusts himself into my mouth.

I meet his motions, getting used to the feel of slight suffocation.

I can still breathe, and the sensation of the strain only makes it feel better.

I want to consume him.

I want everything.

I force my mouth down a little farther until he hits the back of my throat.

It’s uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt terribly and I don’t choke like I thought I would.

Zeb threads his fingers through my hair, gripping tight.

The motion only makes me want more, so I repeat the motion once, then twice.

I find a rhythm as I let my tongue slide along his shaft, as his thickness hits my throat.

“You sure you haven’t done this before?” he asks, cursing.

I answer him by rolling my tongue around his cockhead like a lollipop.

His groan makes my own cock twitch.

“Because fucking hell, Geo, you are killing me right now.”

His praise lights me up like a morning in church.

I explore his cock with my tongue, my mouth, and before I know it, I feel him pulse, his cum filling my mouth.

I swallow it before I can think about the fact it’s cum.

Not just cum, but Zeb’s cum.

The taste isn’t terrible, if I’m being honest.

I kind of like it.

I feel a wide grin spreading across my face because I just made him come.

Guess I’m not so bad at it after all.

I rise, wiping my mouth as Zeb looks up at me with a look that shakes me to my damn core.

“Zeb, where are you?” Katy’s voice sounds, and I feel a strange sense of pride as I watch Zeb tuck his cock away, zip his pants, and straighten himself out.

“Coming!” he calls, and I have to stifle a laugh.

When he leans in and kisses me, slipping his tongue into my mouth, I think this is everything I’ve ever wanted.

“You are going to send me straight to Hell, Geo Graves, you know that?

I smirk. “Thought you didn’t believe in Hell, Z.

”

“That was before you deep-throated my cock on the first shot, sunshine.” He gently smacks my ass as he opens the door.

For the first time in my life, I feel like nothing can take this feeling away.

Because for the first time in my life, I know exactly who I am.

After dinner, I move to clean up the dishes, but Zeb tries to stop me.

My mom smacks his hand away.

“If a man offers to do the dishes, Zeb, you let him!” she teases and he tenses, as Katy gets up to help gather glasses.

“Walk with me,” she says under her breath as I clutch the plates to my chest.

I follow her into the kitchen, while my mother and father talk to Zeb, noting through the window that he’s blushing.

“What do you think you’re doing, Geo?” My sister’s voice is solid, unwavering.

Serious.

I turn the water on, sudsing up the sink with dish soap.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.

“Bullshit. I know something happened between you two because I haven’t seen Zeb this happy since you two played together.”

I tense at her words, glancing at her as I hand her the first dish.

She takes it bitterly.

“Can’t two people just... connect again?” I say carefully.

Katy glares at me.

“You know he’s in love with you, right?” Her words are like knives.

Love?

I look out the window, watching how my mother sets her hand on his arm, how my father animatedly talks, and how Zeb smiles.

“And you “patching shit up” with him, acting like old times.

.

.

it’s not fair to him.

It’s not fair to lead him on and let him think you have feelings when you?—”

“I would never hurt him, Katy.”

Her eyes glisten.

“Maybe not intentionally,” she says softly.

She dries the last dish, flashing her gaze at me.

“But you’re not staying here, Geo. This—” She motions around the kitchen, “is not your life. It’s his. And he worked really fucking hard for it.”

Her words settle on me like a steel beam.

“And I don’t want to have to put him back together again when you leave.”

Her eyes water.

“And you’re going to leave, because that’s your life. Hollywood, world tours, studio recordings, chasing the charts and living the dream you worked so hard for.”

I don’t have the chance to respond before Zeb opens the door, my mother trailing in behind him.

Katy’s entire demeanor shifts as he pulls out his phone, showing her something, and she grins happily.

I watch the two of them together, and can’t help but feel envious.

She took care of him.

For ten years.

Because I left.

My mother slides her arm in mine as she pulls me toward the front porch.

“I’m sorry about earlier, baby,” she says softly as I follow her, Katy’s laughter echoing in the room.

I turn to see Zeb with his acoustic, and my dad laughs.

We stop on his front porch, the music wafting out from the living room.

He’s playing another cover.

Lady Gaga.

Sounds like Hold My Hand.

Katy sings along, and Zeb joins in.

“I know,” I say softly as I sit on the porch swing.

She settles next to me.

“I just want you to be happy, Geo.” Her voice is barely a whisper.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

I lean my arms over my knees, staring at the ground.

She makes it sound so simple.

Like the ends justify the means.

But they don’t.

“Zeb, too, you know,” she says carefully.

I turn to look at her.

“What?”

“He’s a good kid. Shame he’s gay, because he would have made an impeccable husband.” She sighs.

“But I suppose he’ll make some deserving man very happy someday.”

Her words are heavy in the air.

She knows he’s gay?

And she’s supportive of it?

She rocks us back and forth.

“It’s not that simple mom.” I sigh.

“You took your ring off.” She runs her fingers over the empty spot.

Shit, I’d forgot to put it back on.

“Just forgot to put it back on.” It’s not a complete lie.

I look away from her, ready for the judgment, but it doesn’t come.

She turns my face to look at her, and the look in her eyes is so full of love it’s hard not to react.

“It has always been a choice, baby,” she says softly.

“It was never meant to be a punishment.”

I run my fingers over the barren spot.

“It felt like punishment,” I declare softly.

The memories of my youth, of my father’s talk, of all the fights about my girlfriends, staying out past curfew, the chaperones at events.

.

.

all of it comes back and lodges a knot in my stomach.

She holds me close.

“We all make mistakes, baby.”

I see the tears in her eyes, and I don’t have it in me to be angry at her.

I know I need to forgive her, and I need to forgive myself, too.

“Whoever it is, I hope they know you are a gift,” she says.

Her words are shaky, and I realize all at once, perhaps she isn’t as oblivious as she appears.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to open myself up to her all the way.

I know the path to forgiveness starts here, but I’m not ready to be that vulnerable.

I haven’t even had any champagne.

“Whoever?” I ask.

She nods, a tear falling down her cheek.

“Yeah, baby. Whoever.” She gives me a soft smile.

And as we watch the Arizona sunset from my whoever’s porch, her hand squeezing mine, I feel the warmth spreading over my skin, that bare spot no longer cold.

I can’t help but appreciate the sight, as Zeb’s rich voice carries in the air with Katy’s, singing about holding someone’s hand and never letting go.

When she gets up from the porch and heads into the house, I don’t move.

Not until after my parents and my sister pile into their SUV, until the streetlights come on.