CHAPTER 18

Zeb

I’m worried any minute I’m going to wake up in my bed and realize this is all a dream.

An absolutely perfect dream, one I thought I’d never actually touch.

Geo’s right hand slides up my thigh, squeezing faintly, while his left hand grips my throat.

His lips aren’t soft by any means, or shaky, not like I’d expect.

They are brutal.

Harsh, hurried, hungry.

Geo kisses me like he’s fucking starving and I’m a bowl full of maraschino cherries.

His tongue slides into my mouth without resistance, grazing the edge of my own, and then he just stops.

Gone is the rush, and its place is a softer, sweeter kiss, a touch of grace to even out the rush as he swiftly pulls away.

Fuck restraint.

Fuck it all to hell.

He looks up at me, biting his kiss-swollen bottom lip, dark eyes full of fire.

“I’m going to, uh... we should probably head into the house,” he says, his voice a little darker, raspier than usual.

“Yeah, of course. Right,” I say, shaking my head as I turn the car off and try to get my bearings about me.

“It’s late, I’m sure you’re beat.” I open the door, my heart beating in my chest like a damn freight train.

What just happened here?

I fumble with my keys as we walk to the door.

Should I say something?

I should say something, right?

I steal a glance at him underneath my porch lights, dark hair a little messy, his pupils a little blown, and his lips still perfectly swollen from our kiss.

I kissed him, and he fucking kissed me back.

A myriad of emotions swirl inside of me as I open the door to let us in.

I have a hundred questions I want to ask him.

I know sexuality is a pretty fluid scale, but Geo’s never shown any inclination of interest in the same sex.

Or the opposite sex, if we’re being totally honest, here.

I mean, I know he’s had girlfriends, but he never seemed particularly interested in the way most guys are when they have a girlfriend.

I close the door and lock it, and he saunters across my living room, his pale, defined forearms standing out against his rolled up pale blue button down sleeves.

He turns to me, flashing his dark gaze at me, and I think if the devil were real, he’d look exactly like Geo Graves at this precise moment.

Older.

Hotter.

Dark hair all messed up, fiery gaze and kiss-swollen lips, hands in his pockets.

I am so fucking Hellbound .

“Good night,” he says, and with that, he leaves me in my living room.

I touch my mouth, noting I can still taste him on my tongue, and my cock is still hard as a fucking rock.

I know I need to be careful.

I know that one kiss doesn’t mean Geo is all in.

Everyone gets curious, sometimes.

Right?

That’s all it was, just a kiss.

Maybe a wine-induced curiosity.

Except, something tells me that’s not entirely the case.

I run my hands over my face as I fall into my couch, feeling overwhelmed.

He asked me how I knew I was gay, which he’s right, is an extremely personal question.

But maybe there was an actual reason he asked me.

Maybe, just maybe, Geo isn’t as straight we all thought he was, and he’s just now realizing it at thirty-nine.

I stare off down the hall, at his shut door.

Memories flood me of all the moments I took for granted.

The boys I messed around with as a teenager when we were “experimenting” or just fucking around.

I was into whatever I could get from those guys, because I enjoyed the rush of it.

The secrecy of it.

Making them come in the locker room before practice, getting them all hot and bothered in the library during study sessions.

Getting fucked in the bathroom at the parties we weren’t supposed to be at.

But it was also confusing as hell because I knew I wanted more, but I didn’t think more was an option at the time.

I’m not sure it’s an option now, either, but I want it all the same.

I want it now more than I think I ever did, but I also know how dangerous it is to want Geo Graves.

He broke my heart before.

Will he do it again?

It’s still dark out when I wake up, but I’ve always been a bit of an early riser, even despite the fact I work late a lot when I’m out on gigs.

But there’s something relaxing and easy about being up before everyone else is.

I squint into the darkness, noting the clock reads five fifteen.

I shut my alarm off before it can go off and wake Geo, since he’s right across the hall.

I quietly crack open my door, noting his door isn’t completely shut.

I move to shut it, stopping as I peer into the darkness.

The sliver of light from the hall seeps into the room, casting an almost godly glow directly on his dark form.

He rolls over, groaning in his sleep, and I quietly shut the door, my stolen moment gone too far.

I know it’s probably rare he gets this sort of time in general, so the last thing I want to do is interrupt the guy’s long overdue chance to sleep in.

I slip away, grabbing a towel from my hallway closet, and make my way to the bathroom.

The heat of the shower is welcome and I can’t help but let out a groan of my own from the warmth.

I work up a lather over my chest, which is always somewhat of a feat because the suds always multiply between my coarse hair and it takes forever to rinse, but I don’t mind the extra time, or the hair in general.

It beats having to shave and trim my entire chest and torso every two days, too.

I run my hands over my chest, down my stomach, until I settle at my semi-erect cock.

I know it’s early, and he’s passed the fuck out, so I don’t feel as guilty about taking care of myself because there isn’t any real threat of being discovered.

I close my eyes, tipping my head back as I let the water run down my skin, lazily stroking my cock.

I let my mind wander to the previous night, to that kiss.

Fuck, I can’t remember the last time I kissed a guy and got so worked up.

But Geo isn’t just any guy.

His hand on my thigh, so dangerously close to my fucking erection, was more of a turn on than I want to admit.

A part of me wanted to shift so I could feel his hand on my aching cock, while the sensible part of me was terrified he’d find my fucking swollen cock and freak the fuck out.

It’s one thing to kiss a guy, but it’s another thing completely to touch his solid dick, knowing full well you are the reason for it.

My thoughts travel down that fantastical road, thinking about Geo touching my dick.

Stroking it with his perfect, masculine fingers through my pants while driving that wicked tongue into my mouth.

“Fucking hell,” I curse under my breath as I come.

I pump out the remaining bits of my cum, letting out a sigh of relief as I clean myself up.

I step out of the shower, drying off quickly, catching my reflection in the mirror.

With my towel wrapped around my waist, I push open the door, head for my bedroom, glancing at Geo’s door.

It’s popped back open again, and I stop for a moment, panic flooding me.

I push the door open slightly, if only to settle my anxiety.

Sure enough, Geo’s still sprawled out on the bed, in the same lifeless position as he was before.

“Get a hold of yourself, Zeb,” I mumble as I turn for my bedroom.

I change into a pair of comfortable sweatpants, grab my phone and earbuds, and head for the kitchen to set about my morning the same way I always do.

Lady Gaga serenades my ears as I open my fridge, grabbing fresh eggs, cheese, vegetables, and, of course, bacon.

I settle into the motions, humming and singing along while I crack and whisk my eggs.

I can’t resist moving to the beat, because honestly, who can?

Lady Gaga is a fucking legend.

I sing about monstrous men eating my fucking heart as I fire up the stove.

The flame rises as I croon out the lyrics, getting into the crunchy beats.

The eggs sizzle in the pan and I watch as the golden liquid spreads throughout the pan.

I rotate the pan by moving my wrist, watching as it covers all the open spots.

The smell of coffee permeates the air and I work on flipping my omelet as the drop comes.

I flip it and catch it with ease, spinning around to grab my mug of coffee, and I stop dead in my tracks.

Geo leans against my refrigerator, those delicious arms crossed in front of his bare, tattooed chest.

His dark hair sticks out in disarray, but it isn’t a bad look on him.

Coupled with his gray sweatpants, and his thick, tortoise shell glasses , he looks.

.

.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

I take my earbuds out, immediately tensing.

“Did I wake you up? Fuck, I’m sorry. I?—”

He shrugs, letting out a chuckle.

“Oh no, don’t let me stop you. Please, continue.”

I move for the pan, realizing if I don’t grab my omelet, it’s going to fucking burn.

Shit!

“I, uh—” I clear my throat as I turn off the fire, plating up my omelet.

“Guess I got carried away,” I say as I card a hand through my hair.

Geo’s gaze flashes to the earbuds in my hand.

“Didn’t peg you for a Gaga fan,” he says with a grin.

He pushes off of my fridge, taking slow strides toward me.

I set my earbuds down on the island and glance at his waist, noting the way his sweatpants hang off of his form.

I’m trying not to notice the prolific outline of his swinging cock or where the edges of his tattoo disappear.

It’s like a fucking neon sign, I swear.

“Didn’t anyone tell you? When you get your gay card you have to choose a Gaga song. Like a Pokémon.”

Geo’s eyes widen, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Seriously?”

His innocence and naivety should not be as cute as it is, but it’s fucking adorable.

“No,” I tease him as I pour him a cup of coffee.

He smirks, letting out a laugh.

“Judas,” he says with a grin.

“My favorite Gaga song. The video was sick. ”

Then he shrugs, singing out those undeniable lyrics about being a holy fool, while rolling his eyes.

I take a slow step forward, singing out the next line, raising an eyebrow at him as I smirk about being in love with Judas anyway.

And like the devil he is, he grins, looking at me over his glasses.

“Fucking genius.”

I take a sip of my coffee and he wrinkles his nose.

“What?”

“How can you drink that shit black?”

I shrug.

“There’s half and half in the fridge if you want it.”

He opens the fridge and I don’t miss the way the light illuminates him.

I watch as he pours the liquid into his cup, my gaze transfixed on how unbelievably hot this man is at quarter to six in the morning.

It’s fucking criminal.

I never wake up looking this good rolling out of bed.

“Was that your idea or the label’s?” I ask, nodding at his tattoo as he stirs his coffee.

“Oh, this?” He points to his chest with one hand.

“Label suggested I should get some ink, and I just figured if I was going to do it, I only wanted to do it once, so... I picked the biggest thing I could think of.”

“Really?” I ask, leaning against the island.

Geo shifts his weight.

“Really. It was going to be this or angel wings on my back, but I figured people would see my chest more than my back, so...” He looks away for a moment, almost as if he’s embarrassed.

“What about you?” he asks, taking a pull of his coffee.

“What about me?” I grab my omelet, setting the plate between us, and grab two forks.

I pass him one and he takes it.

“You have any tattoos I don’t know about?”

I smirk at him as I dive into my omelet.

“One.”

Geo raises his eyebrows.

“Really? Where? What is it?”

“It’s a secret.”

Geo rolls his eyes, huffing in annoyance.

“What did you get it on your ass or something?”

I smirk at him and don’t miss the way his cheeks stain with scarlet blush.

“You got a fucking tattoo on your ass?”

I laugh with a shrug.

“I was twenty-one!”

He shakes his head, laughing, and the sound is so pure and genuine, I can’t help but smile.

I rarely think about the Hellbound devil tail tattoo I got on my ass on a dare, because I can’t see it.

I forget it’s there half the time.

Until someone points it out, of course, after they take my fucking pants off, which is always an awkward conversation.

I reach out without thinking, setting my hand on his hip, tracing my thumb over the black outline of his cross just above his waistband.

His skin is smooth and hard against digit, and I marvel at the intricate outline, the inside filled in black ink.

It really is a stunning tattoo, even if it takes up the majority of his chest and torso.

“How long did that take?” I ask.

I trace my fingers up the outline, following the trail across his chest.

I half expect him to push me away, because I know it’s kind of an inappropriate touch, but he doesn’t push me away and that spark threatens to catch again.

“Eight sessions, about six hours each.”

I whistle.

“Must’ve hurt like a bitch.” I graze my fingers over the ink that just grazes the edge of his nipples.

“Wasn’t that bad,” he says, shifting his weight.

He settles his hand on my hip, and I feel his heartbeat beneath my fingertips, where I stop my hand over his right pec, brushing my thumb and forefinger over the defined muscle there.

Racing.

I drop my hand, but he doesn’t remove his from where he touches me.

He tugs just the slightest, and I let him pull me closer.

The light of the morning threatens to break through the last moments of darkness, the haze of dawn.

“What are you doing, Geo?” I ask, licking my lips.

“I don’t’ know,” he says honestly.

“I just...”

His gaze searches mine, his amber eyes glistening with flecks of gold in the morning light.

“I spent a lot of years being told the things I felt weren’t right,” he says softly.

“Kinda fucked me up, and not in a good way.”

His fingers squeeze my hip carefully, his palm warm against my skin.

“I don’t want to second-guess what feels right, you know?” he says.

He looks up at me, and my heart wants to break.

Without thinking, I reach out, settling my hand against his neck as I capture his gaze.

Geo doesn’t move.

He only looks up at me with a tenderness that is as vulnerable as it is hopeful, and my own heart wants to leap out of my fucking chest.

“And this feels... right?” I brush my fingers softly against the edges of his hair and he responds by pulling me against him.

“Yes,” he says, closing his eyes as he nuzzles his cheek into my palm.

The motion makes me want to melt like the butter in the fucking skillet.

He lets out a heavy breath.

“I like how it feels.” He swallows harshly.

Flashing those dark eyes up at me, he breathes, “I like how it feels when you look at me like that.”

I brush my thumb over his lips from the sudden movement, and the smoothness beneath my fingertip threatens to bring back the memory of exactly what those lips feel like against my own.

And almost as if he just knows , he responds to my touch.

“I like how it feels when you touch me. When you kiss me.”

“Is that right?” I ask, softly hooking my thumb under his chin.

I look him in his eyes, knowing I’m signing my fucking death certificate.

He nods.

“I feel like I’ve been dying a slow death for years, but now I’m alive.”

His words are pure and honest.

Brutal, in a different kind of way.

He grabs me by the neck, pulling me toward him, and I don’t fight him.

Not one fucking bit, because it does feel right.

Everything about him feels so undeniably right.

Geo kisses me slowly, his fingers sliding into my hair, and he grips the locks tight.

I stumble a bit as he moves backward, shifting our weight until he is beneath me.

I brace my hands on both sides of him, boxing him in.

His fingers travel over my jaw, hands traipsing down my chest slowly, delicately.

He moves his touch across my hips, twisting his fingers in the hair above my navel, grazing over the waistband of my jeans gracefully, carefully, but with reverence.

Geo Graves explores me like an uncharted map, his touch making my entire body heat like a flame.

He rises just the slightest from his momentary cage, arching his back as he opens his mouth, one hand finding my neck again as he squeezes lightly.

His tongue finds mine quickly and his kiss turns hungry, heated, and rough, grace giving way to the rush once more, and I settle my hand on his hip, and then I feel it.

The heaviness of his fucking cock, hard against my own.

I groan as I instinctively grind against him.

His body is solid against mine as he ravages my mouth.

His tongue caresses mine fervently, and he moans as his hand on my neck slides up into my hair, once more grabbing a fistful of it in his hand.

A deep groan escapes his throat as he thrusts himself against me.

It’s a startling contrast to how he normally is; shy, sweet, innocent.

But I can’t deny I like him like this.

Hard, needy, and beneath me.

“Geo…” I breathe his name as I try to find my way back to the present.

Because the way he’s touching me, kissing me, is like an out of body experience.

His breath catches and I worry maybe I’ve gone too far, but before I can break away, he moans into my mouth and his entire body tenses.

“Fuck, Zeb.” His voice is strained, and he grabs onto me for dear life with one hand, the other finding its resting place right over my cock.

He doesn’t grab me or squeeze me, but I don’t miss the heat of his touch or the way his fingers tremble against me.

I grind myself against his palm, and his fingers move of their own accord, rubbing over my shaft and head.

“Zeb, I’m going to—” He closes his eyes, breathing deep.

“Fuck!” he cries as my phone rings loudly, practically jumping off the counter.

I’d recognize the ringtone anywhere.

It’s Katy.

Geo lets out a guilty groan as buries his head in my shoulder, and I don’t miss how his cock throbs against mine through his sweatpants as his shoulders tense against me.

His lips against my skin are like fire as he lets out a shaky, hurried breath.

Instinctively, I wrap my arm around him, pulling him close as he pants against my chest.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” I say, because I can barely breathe myself, and I’m not all that sure I am indeed, okay.

Geo’s breath against my skin is hot and all consuming and I struggle to find my own center at the moment.

Fucking hell.

.

.

His phone rings from its spot next to the coffee pot.

Katy’s ringtone echoes in symphony with Geo’s phone.

“Fuck,” I curse as I move away, even though I don’t want to.

But I know if I don’t answer, she’ll just keep calling.

Geo braces his arms out against the counter, his breaths still heavy and labored.

He looks up at me, his pupils still blown, lips still kiss-swollen.

I punch the green icon on my phone.

“What?” I snap at her, probably more harshly than I should.

Katy doesn’t notice, though.

“Sorry to wake you, but, like, this is super important,” she drawls.

I glance at Geo, who’s catching his breath, focused on answering his own phone.

“It better be,” I gripe.

“So, mom just got a call from the coordinator at the Gardens,” she chirps excitedly.

“And they had a cancellation last minute, and they asked her if she knew anyone, and?—-”

My blood chills.

I purposefully took this week off to be home , to spend time with my friend.

“Anyway, I told them we’d take it.”

“Katy...” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

“I can’t play a set today...”

“It’s an hour set, Zeb, it won’t kill us. You’ll be in and out.”

Geo watches me intently.

“I don’t even have a set list prepared.” I huff in annoyance.

“Do it,” Geo says, making me turn around.

“What?”

“Is my brother up already?” she asks.

“I can’t. I?—”

“Yes, you can. You can and you will,” he says sternly.

“I wasn’t planning on playing anywhere while you were here.” I shake my head, feeling more on the spot now than when Geo was fucking kissing me.

“Oh, you should totally bring him, Zeb! It’ll be just like old times.”

Geo crosses his arms, takes two steps toward me, and plucks the phone out of my hands.

And I do nothing to stop him.

“What time?” he asks, and I can hear Katy chattering.

“Okay, text me the set list.” Ne nods, smirking at me.

“Yeah, that sounds good. We’ll be there,” he says, hangs up, and tosses the phone at me.

I barely catch it.

“You go on at noon,” he says, and drains the last of his coffee.