Page 8 of Giving Him Something He Can Feel

My grandfather was my heart, and my saving grace.

He stepped up and raised me after my mother died and my father married her sister.

Earl knew absolutely nothing about raising a six-year-old by himself considering my grandmother had done all of the heavy lifting with my mom and her sister, but he did it.

My grandmother passed months after my mother, leaving an already fragile family even more fragile.

My auntie was a bitch, so I didn’t fuck with her at all, her, or my so called father.

Long story short Earl figured it out, he did the impossible and raised his deceased daughter’s daughter by himself and for that I’d be eternally grateful.

My grandfather was my world, so when he took ill a few months ago I wanted to drop everything and be with him, but after a week he told me to go back to my life.

He forced me to keep living when all I wanted to do was crawl up and stay with him.

Since I couldn’t do that, I spent two weekends out of each month with the old man.

We’d play chess, watch old movies, and reminisce on old times.

I stopped by my house to grab a bag to go, then I hopped on the road within an hour.

On my drive out, I just listened to music keeping myself busy for my drive out to the fields.

It was necessary considering the fact that this was a long ass ride.

Well maybe not that long, but I had ADHD so sitting in a car driving for hours felt like forever for me.

The type to have my ass chewing spicy sunflower seeds to stay awake. All of this before ten a.m., of course.

I made it no less than three hours later pulling into the round driveway with a smile that was smeared off my face the moment I laid eyes on the ambulance wheeling out a black body bag on it.

Immediately, I hopped out of the car rushing it because it couldn’t be.

I knew he was ill, but not sick enough to die on me, right?

Before I could reach the body bag and unzip it, I was stopped.

Then I heard Carmella from afar say the words that broke me.

“It was too late baby girl. It happened right after I called you.” Her arms followed her words attempting to pull me into her chest, but I needed to see him. I needed to lay eyes on him.

“I just need to see him.” Tears puddled my eyes as I pleaded with them.

I guess they heard me because she let me go and they stopped walking.

Timidly I approached the black bag, unzipping it from the top.

He looked asleep, but it hurt no less. It didn’t put me back together.

He was really gone and it broke my heart.

I kept telling myself that Earl didn’t raise no ho, that this crying shit was for the birds but how could I not.

Carmella ushered me in the house, where she helped me to the couch. Her eyes were puffy too, she’d been crying too. He was really gone, and there was no way I could pick up the phone to call him. No more of that because my pop-pop was gone.

I sat on that sofa for what felt like forever, as the tears streamed down my face and my eyes glared at the blank wall.

It was almost like I was challenging God, asking him why he had to take the only man I had ever loved, hell the only man who had ever loved me unconditionally.

He always used to tell me that God didn’t put nobody down here forever, but I didn’t believe him.

Hell I’d convinced him that at ninety-six he was a special case.

Course he didn’t believe me, but I believed me.

I believed my pop-pop would live forever, but he didn’t and now my whole soul hurt because he was gone and had left me here alone.

Trek

I looked at my brother trying to figure out what was up with the nigga. He had a lil’ more pep in his step, almost looked giddy when he got here earlier. “The fuck is yo’ problem?” I finally asked staring at him.

“Just secured some shit.” He smirked.

“Huh?” I was confused because why the fuck was this nigga being so damn secretive if it was business. “What do yo?—”

“Nigga you ‘bout to be an uncle in ‘bout nine months.”

I threw my head back trying to figure out what he was talking about, then it hit me. “ You didn’t.”

“Sure and the fuck did. I’ll do an eighteen year bid with Jovie if that’s what it takes to make sure she stays where I want her at all times. Call it what you want, but that’s me.”

“Yo, you crazy as fuck and that’s on me.”

He shrugged. Say what you want but I went for what I wanted.”

I was about to tell him just how flawed that statement was, but then there was a knock at my door.

“It’s Linny. I ha?—”

“Come in.”

Seconds later the door was open and Linny walked in with his hands in his pockets and the shit face. That meant he didn’t have my money but was about to tell me how he’d get it.

“You got my money, Linny?” I sat back in the chair observing the stupid ass expressions his face contoured into. I didn’t see how he was any kin to Peach. Shit was baffling.

“No, not yet. But I just gotta talk to my sist?—”

“Nah, stay yo’ goofy ass away from her. Yeen taking shit out of her fuckin’ pockets to help yo’ debt. She tol’ yo’ ass no last time, and I saw that shit you pulled in the parking lot. Try it again and you won’t attempt shit else.”

He looked confused, but I didn’t give his confusion time to settle.

“You hear me?”

He nodded. “But how am I supp?—”

“Sounds like a fucking personal problem, huh?”

Of course Cartier snickered, but I didn’t give a damn. I said what I said and Linny had no choice but to respect that or fuck around and find out.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right I’m gonna figure it out.”

“Good, you got seventy-two hours.” I gave him one last look, before my eyes landed back on my brother. Nigga had a smirk on his face, so I know he was about to say some slick shit.

He did just that as soon as Linny closed my door behind himself.

“Niggas was about to get in my shit ‘bout Jovie but you round here threatening motherfuckers. Yeah, don’t tell me shit about my methods.” He waved me off.

I didn’t even touch that. Instead I changed the subject and jumped into business. That was the real reason his worrisome ass was here anyway. We needed to up production and spill into another warehouse.

“Cruz find a spot yet?”

I shook my head no. “Gotta be perfect and more privacy than anything.”

He nodded.

We talked for a while pitting ideas back and forth before he left because he claimed he had shit to do but nine times out of ten he was going to see about some pussy. Typical Cartier.

I didn’t stay long either because I had something else in mind.

Something unlike me but a nigga was curious and way passed being intrigued.

I pulled up in front of the restaurant, shaking my head at my own stupid ass.

Something ‘bout this girl wouldn’t let me go about my way.

Something in me wanted to know her, to see what was to her and I hated that shit.

I hated that my desire had something to do with another.

When I walked in the restaurant my eyes scanned the space before I went to the bar. Shorty behind it smiled my way before asking me how she could help me.

“Virtue in?”

She nodded. “I’ll call her up.”

I shook my head no, before pointing toward her office. “Nah, I got it.”

I could tell she was taken aback by my forwardness. Hell by the time she realized what I was doing I was already walking down the hall to her office.

I knocked, seconds before I heard her say come in.

When I walked in she was sitting on the floor with paperwork sprawled around her, then when she looked up at me she had these big ass glasses.

Had me regretting walking in this motherfucker.

She looked too damn good and appealed too much to my attraction for me to keep the type of distance I was trying to keep.

I didn’t do shit like this, popping up on females not knowing what the fuck I was finna say to ‘em.

“He…hey what are you doing he—” by now she was gathering her papers up off the floor.

“I don’t even…” my sentence trailed off as I picked up the single piece of paper because she had pretty much picked up everything else. “Come take a walk with me.”

She accepted the paper from me, before putting it on her desk. “Is it about my brother because I ju?—”

“Nah, it ain’t. You busy or something?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not busy at all.”

“Then come take a walk with me.”

She looked at me for a minute, before nodding her head yes. “Let me grab my purse.”

“You ‘on’t need it.”

She looked at me for a minute, before nodding her head and slipping her phone in her pocket. “Where are we walking to?”

I didn’t respond, instead I waited with the door open for her to exit.

She did after a few seconds, and I followed behind her, attempting to keep my eyes everywhere but on her supple backside. Virtue was one of those females you could just tell filled out naturally. Slim, thick, with a set of hips out this world.

“I should be back in a few. Call me if you need anything, Maj.” She smiled at old girl behind the bar as we passed.

“This way, Peach.” My hand went to the small of her back changing the direction in which she was about to walk when we walked out of her spot. It lingered for a moment, before going to my side.

“You like to cook or something?”

She shrugged. “Somewhat, but not for people. If you’re asking why I own a restaurant, to me it was the quickest way to generate income.”

“Meaning?” she had me confused.

“I had just graduated from college, thought I met the man I was gonna marry and I was pregnant. Then I found out he was married with a whole family. I was heartbroken, but all I knew was that I wanted to generate my own income. I didn’t want my daughter to ever have to go without.”

I nodded. “And her father?”

“Still married. He’s not in her life because I wouldn’t be what he wanted me to be.”

“That’s some bitch shit.”