Page 37 of FWB

Kenny

T he day after I bring Lilii home and get her settled, I call my dad to let him know I’m not going to make it home for Christmas.

I rarely call my dad, except for birthdays and holidays, so calling one day before I was planning to fly out is hopefully warning enough that I won’t be coming.

I’ve been avoiding his texts asking about my plans for coming to Boston.

I haven’t known what to tell him. He’s not the most level-headed man to have ever walked the earth, so I don’t know how he’s going to take my not coming home this year.

I open my speed dial and hit the contact for Dad .

He picks up on the second ring. “Son. What’s wrong? ” he asks by way of a greeting.

“Hey, Dad. Nothing’s wrong, really, but I do have a bit of unfortunate news.”

“You’re not coming,” he states matter-of-factually before I have the chance to say it.

I let out a breath. “Yeah, no. I’m not able to fly up there this year. Work is extra crazy with the tenth anniversary of Kroger Nashville. I had to cancel my PTO. But maybe we can come up for your birthday in March.”

“Who’s we ?“ He apparently didn’t hear anything else I said.

“What?” I ask, not understanding his question.

“You said we could come up for my birthday, not I . Who else would you be bringing with you, Kenny?“ my dad asks, almost accusingly.

Shit. I’m already attached at the hip to Lilii most of the time so I’ve started to refer to myself as “we.” I just stepped outside to take a cigarette break on the back deck and make this call. Sam now refers to himself as Uncle Sam, so he’s watching her while I’m out here.

You see, I can’t blame my dad for being suspicious. I’ve always been quiet about my life in Tennessee. He probably thinks I’ve gone off and married some hooker or something. He probably won’t be surprised to learn about Lilii, just disappointed.

This isn’t my first slip-up. When I was twenty-three, my stepsister, who is five years older than me, brought a friend with her to Thanksgiving.

We ended up going out behind the house. She let me fuck her from behind, not caring that I didn’t bother bringing a condom to a family dinner.

She told me she had an IUD, but apparently, it wasn’t inserted properly because a couple weeks later, I’m getting a call from my stepsister cussing me out for getting her friend pregnant.

The girl called my stepsister to get my number.

My stepsister, Tiffany, asked her a million questions as to why she wanted my number until she finally caved in and told her she was pregnant and was sure it was mine.

Tiffany, being the gossip that she is, told the entire family about my Thanksgiving escapades. I haven’t lived it down since.

The girl, Maggie, called and told me she was pregnant.

She told me she wasn’t ready to be a mother and she didn’t think I was ready to be a father so she was going to terminate the pregnancy.

She had already made up her mind; she just wanted to give me the courtesy of letting me know.

I agreed, although I couldn’t help but have a pit in my stomach.

But I’ve always been an advocate for a woman’s right to choose, so I left it up to her.

She ended up carrying on with the abortion.

I went with her. After that day, I checked up on her once.

At that time she asked me not to contact her ever again. So I haven’t.

I’m not ready to let my dad down so monumentally yet. I’m also wanting to enjoy having Lilii to myself for a few more days. I decide to make up an excuse. “Yeah, Sam wants to head up to Boston to see a concert around the same time, so we figured we’d make a vacation of it.”

My dad harrumphs.

I decide to wrap up the conversation. “Yeah, anyways I’m really sorry about not being able to come last minute. Maybe I can Facetime you and the family after dinner?”

“Sure, son. We can do that. We’re sorry to miss you this year.”

“Me, too, Dad. But I’ve gotta get off here. I’ll call you in two days.”

“Goodbye, son.”

“Bye, Dad.”

The next two days are filled with firsts.

First smile, first diaper change, first diaper explosion.

I’ve only had one and a half panic attacks since bringing Lilii home.

I call that a win. Sam has been my saving grace.

He’s so good with Lilii. He can tell when I feel overwhelmed, and he comes swooping in, taking her from my tired arms, seeming to settle her down instantly.

I’d be jealous if I weren’t so goddamn thankful for his presence.

We have finally started to find a rhythm in the four days since I brought Lilii home.

She’s actually a really good baby, rarely fussy.

She’s already getting used to her regular feedings, and she takes the bottle extremely well.

She normally only wakes up once or twice in the night needing food or a diaper change.

I’m usually the one to get up and take care of her because Sam is downstairs, and his room is soundproof for recording, so he can’t hear her when she cries.

Sometimes he’s still watching TV in the living room, and he’ll get up to give me a much-appreciated break.

I need to get used to not sleeping much for the next several years.

I decide today, Christmas, is the best time to tell my family about Lilii and introduce her, at least virtually.

They usually sit down to Christmas dinner around 4:00 p.m. Eastern, which is one hour ahead of Nashville.

I call at five Nashville time, giving them plenty of time to finish dinner and dessert.

If I had to guess, they’re sitting around the living room, unwrapping presents.

I step out onto the back deck into the frigid December air.

It’s snowing just a little. Not enough to stick.

It melts as soon as it hits the ground. I call my dad the old-fashioned way first. He picks up on the first ring.

“Merry Christmas, son! We’ve been looking forward to your call all afternoon. ”

“Merry Christmas, Dad. Sorry I couldn’t make it up there in person today. But I do have a gift of sorts for you here in Nashville.”

“What kind of gift, Kenny?”

I walk back through the house and get settled on the couch next to Sam, who is holding a sleeping Lilii. He’s been keeping her calm until I was ready to do the introduction. It’s now or never.

“How about we switch to Facetime? Do you mind gathering the rest of the family together? I’d like to introduce you guys to someone.”

“Please, don’t tell me you went off and got married to some trash, Kenny,” my dad hisses, lowering his voice so the rest of the family can’t overhear. “You better tell me what is going on right now. ”

“Dad, I promise this is one of those situations where it’s better if I show you. Please, just trust me. Get the family together on the couch and turn on the video call.”

“Swear to god, Kenny, if I end up dying of a heart attack over your little ‘surprise’ I’m gonna make sure you’re kicked outta the will,” he says in his thick Boston accent.

I roll my eyes, moving into position getting ready to take over holding Lilii.

I press the Facetime button to call Dad and trade Sam my phone for Lilii.

He holds the camera with screen facing me holding Lilii so I can see everyone’s reaction.

When my dad finally answers the call, I can see him on the end of the couch, holding the phone out to capture my two stepsisters and stepmom in the frame.

A chorus of “Hi, Kenny” erupts from my phone speakers and Lilii stirs in my arms. Tiffany is the first to process the scene in front of them.

“Is that a baby you’re holding?“ she shrieks.

Sam lowers the volume of the speakerphone a bit because Lilii is waking up. I give my family a moment to process what they’re seeing. I see every emotion under the sun cross each of their faces.

Dad is the next to speak. “Son, whose baby are you holding right now?”

“Dad, guys, this is Lilii. My daughter.”

Silence.

Finally, my stepmom, Sharon, speaks up, “I’m … I’m sorry. Did … did you say daughter ?”

“And the girl’s mother? Where is she?” my father interjects.

I let out a deep breath. “Not in the picture. At least, she won’t be for quite some time. It’s a long story that I don’t intend to unload on you at Christmas. This,” I say, holding Lilii up for them to get a better look through the phone, “I felt, was enough news for one day.”

“Well, son,” my dad says after a moment, bringing the phone in closer to his face, filling my screen, “I don’t know why it happened, but I’m proud of you for stepping up and doing what’s right by that child.

I know it probably wasn’t an easy decision, and the circumstances aren’t going to get easier as time goes on.

Being a father is a full-time job. I …” he stammers, eyes growing red.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do better by you when you were a child. When your mother died …”

“Dad, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about this now. I just wanted to share her with you. So far, you guys and Sam are the only ones who know of her existence.” I say, cutting him off.

Dad wipes his eyes. “I can’t wait to meet her soon. Were you serious about coming up in March? Is that who you were really referring to coming along with you the last time we spoke?”

“Yeah, I had literally brought Lilii home the day prior and I wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet. I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, Kenny. This is the best Christmas present I’ve ever received. Your mother would be tickled if she were here.”

“I know, Dad.”

“I love you, son.”

“Love you, too, Dad.”

This New Year’s Eve isn’t filled with partying and a ball drop. This year, it’s more like a bomb drop in Lilii’s diaper. But I do manage to kiss her soft, brown curls at the stroke of midnight, giving her her first New Year’s Eve Kiss.

My life has changed in such a drastic way in a year.

This time last year, Sam and I were at Dee’s Country Cocktail Lounge, making out with random women come midnight, whose names and faces I wouldn’t remember the next morning.

I met Jazmine on the apps in March, hooked up a handful of times, and that was all it took for me to realize she was a nut job I didn’t want in my life.

So much for that happening now. I’m tied to her for life, or at the very least, the next eighteen years.

Then, Tiegan came barreling into my life in May, and it was a whirlwind, right up until her birthday when shit hit the fan.

Since then, I’ve been in a tailspin without her.

I think about her all the time. I constantly look at pictures she sent me over these past several months.

I miss her. I miss her soft body pressed against mine and her tight pussy stretching around my cock.

I miss my name on her lips as she comes undone.

I miss the feeling of her gloriously talented mouth around my dick.

But even more than the sex, I miss the little things about her.

I miss talking to her. I miss the way her face scrunches up after taking a swig of my whiskey, or the way she snores like a monster truck.

I miss waking up to random texts with her name attached to them, and her laugh.

I miss going to concerts with her and overall being in her company.

But she made it crystal clear that she doesn’t want children.

So I have to let her go. There’s no possible way she will want me once word gets out.

She’ll be furious I didn’t tell her about Jazmine when I first found out she was pregnant, but this has always been my burden to bear.

I’m not about to drag her into my mess. If I’m being honest, I haven’t told her about being a father because I’m afraid of losing her.

I know I can’t keep this secret forever.

It’s going to get out, especially when I tell my boss about Lilii.

He’s going to have to know so I can get some flexibility with my new schedule of taking care of her.

If I thought I wasn’t good enough for Tiegan before, I’m definitely not good enough now.

I just hope I can be the one to tell her first. I don’t want her to hear the news second-hand. She deserves better.