Page 30 of FWB

Tiegan

I have to get out of this building. I feel a panic attack coming on.

I miraculously make it back to the thirteenth floor before collapsing to the ground outside the mail room.

Rob must have heard me fall, because the next thing I know, I’m waking up to him cradling my head in his lap.

He’s gently stroking my head, and repeating my name over and over again.

When my vision finally straightens and I’m not seeing multiple Robs, he says in a gentle tone, “There she is!”

“What … what happened?”

“It looks like you passed out. Did you eat lunch? You weren’t gone very long. Maybe your blood sugar is low? Are you diabetic?”

I take a minute to process his rapid-fire word vomit before responding, “No, I didn’t eat lunch. Something came up. And no, I’m not diabetic.”

“Do you want me to get you a soda in case it is your blood sugar?”

“Sure,” I say, knowing it’ll make him feel like he’s doing something.

“Let’s get you in a chair first,” he says, helping me up from the floor.

He holds me steady the twenty steps it takes to reach my workstation.

Once I’m settled in my chair and it doesn’t look like I’m going to pass out again, he leaves to get me a cold Dr. Pepper and a bag of chips from the staff lounge.

I sit there, alone in the mail room, replaying my and Kenny’s conversation upstairs.

Why can’t he tell me what’s going on? I don’t understand.

I opened my heart and soul to this man. I told him everything , yet he can’t trust me enough to do the same.

I knew better than to get involved with him.

It was a bad idea to get involved with a colleague, no matter how much I might have enjoyed it in those moments. You’re so stupid, Tiegan!

Before Rob returns with my snacks, Jerome enters the mail room, carrying a package.

His smile falls as soon as he sees my face, red and blotchy from crying—and falling on it didn’t help much either, I’m sure.

“What happened, T?” he asks as he makes his way over to me, setting the forgotten package on a nearby cart.

I get up to meet him, falling into his open embrace. “I ended it with Kenny. It’s over. We’re done.” I sob into his shoulder.

He strokes the back of my head. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

I pull away, nose snotty. I reach behind my monitor for a tissue and blow my nose. “Not really. Hell, I don’t even know what happened, myself.” I huff out a pathetic laugh.

“Well, you know that if or when you’re ready to talk, I’m just a phone call away.” He gives my shoulder a light squeeze.

“I know, Jerome. I promise I’ll fill you in once I can wrap my head around everything. Thank you for being such a good friend.”

“Any time. You know I’m always here for you.”

Rob returns carrying my Dr. Pepper and three different kinds of snacks. “I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for, so I brought a variety.”

I manage a meager smile at my boss. He’s a good guy, if not a little misunderstood. I gratefully accept the snacks. “Thank you. I’m starting to feel a bit better, but I think it might be a good idea if I take some PTO for the rest of the afternoon, if you can spare me.”

“I think I can manage one afternoon without you. Are you sure you’re okay to drive home, though?”

“I’ll be fine. I promise to text you when I make it safely.”

In all honesty, I don’t know how I made it home in one piece. I couldn’t stop crying, tears blurring my vision the whole way.

When I finally pull into the driveway, I shoot a quick group text to Rob and Jerome, letting them know I am home.

I sit in my car for a minute before exiting and making my way through the side gate that leads to the backyard.

I don’t want to see my family right now if I can help it.

Luckily, it looks like Aunt Tweetie is inside the house and Mom isn’t home; her car isn’t in the driveway.

I make my way down the stone path and into my room.

Upon entering, I’m greeted by my other two cats, Stubbs and Bigfoot.

I bend down to give them each pets before reaching for their treat jar.

As soon as they see the jar, they go wild, meowing and making figure-eights around my legs.

I smile. “Okay, guys. I’m getting you some,” I say as I bend down to lay a handful of tuna-flavored cat treats on the ground. They instantly devour them.

As the cats are feasting, I head into the bathroom. I turn on the light and take a good look at myself. I’m a mess. I decide to take a hot shower. Once inside, I let the tears fall freely, the saltwater mixing with the shower stream.

This is all my fault. He warned me not to catch feelings for him. And what do I do? I go and fall in love with the man! Wait. Am I in love with Kenny Hillford? I … I think I am. But he is obviously not in love with me. If he was, he wouldn’t have let me walk out of that office without a fight.

It’s over. It’s really over; all those blissful nights tangled in the sheets and hours spent talking are gone. Poof. Out the window, never to be seen again.

I get dressed in my most comfortable sleep clothes, Toothless pajama bottoms from How to Train Your Dragon, and my favorite band T-shirt—Jessie Baylin from her Little Spark tour. I brush my damp hair to get the tangles out and decide to let it air dry naturally curly.

Eventually, I make my way over to my bed.

It’s only 2:07 p.m., but I’m exhausted. I fall into my soft, memory foam mattress and snuggle under the covers.

I don’t know what time I fall asleep, but when I wake, it’s dark outside.

That doesn’t tell me much, considering it gets dark around here at four-thirty during the winter.

I check my watch—6:49 pm. Damn . I must really have needed the sleep.

When I lean over to turn on my bedside lamp, I notice all five cats curled up on the bed with me.

Berlioz is on the pillow next to me with his face straight down flat against it, purring up a storm.

Stubbs and Bigfoot are curled up together between my legs, and Marie and Toulouse are stretched out on opposite ends at the foot of the bed.

I smile at them. At least these guys love me.

Suddenly, my decent mood vanishes when thoughts of Kenny come swooping back into my mind. I groan and throw the covers off of me, getting out of bed. I put my slippers and house robe on and head to the main house to make a cup of Aunt Tweetie’s peppermint hot cocoa.

It’s started to snow since I fell asleep. There’s a thin layer of pure white blanketing the hard ground. I stand there for a moment, admiring the sparkle of the snow in the moonlight.

When I make my way through the back door into the kitchen, Mom is washing the dishes.

She turns when she hears me enter. “Hey, baby. I saw you got off work early. Your car was in the driveway when I got home from getting groceries. Everything okay?” She doesn’t stop washing the dinner plate in her hands.

She seems sober enough tonight. That’s good.

I really don’t have the mental capacity to deal with Drunk Mother at the moment.

“I’m fine. I just wasn’t feeling well, and my boss offered to cover the rest of my shift for me,” I say, not revealing the whole truth, but not telling a flat-out lie, either.

“Well, that was nice of him. Are you feeling better? Do you need me to fix you something to eat?

“No, thanks. I’m just going to make some hot chocolate.” I grab my favorite mug, one that my family got when touring the Ryman Auditorium years ago, and turn to fill it with water from the fridge door.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind making you something.”

“No, I’m fine,” I insist. “Thanks, though.”

“Okay, well let me know if you change your mind,” she says, turning her full attention back to the task at hand.

“I will.” We stay silent in the kitchen, her finishing up the dishes, me continuing to make my packet of Swiss Miss Peppermint hot chocolate. My aunt and I both love the little peppermint marshmallows in each packet.

I call into the living room, “Hey, do you want a cup of hot chocolate, Aunt Tweetie?”

“No, thanks, kiddo. I already had one earlier tonight,” she calls back from her spot on the loveseat. Her pitbull, Bleu, lounging haphazardly across her.

I enter the living room, carrying my mug of hot chocolate, and plop down in my favorite recliner. Mom’s cat, Nibbles, settles on my lap.

“Everything okay?” Aunt Tweetie asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just haven’t been feeling too hot today.”

“I never have that problem. You know why?”

“Why?” I ask with a smile toying at my lips, knowing she’s about to pull a grand joke that she will laugh the loudest at.

“Because I’m Big Sexy!” Then she throws her arms and legs out in a starfish formation.

I nearly spit out my steaming hot chocolate. “Oh, my god. Please don’t ever call yourself that ever again.” I bark out a laugh.

“Why? It’s true. Just ask all my gentleman callers.”

“What gentleman callers? You don’t have any.”

“Well, I would if I got on those app things you kids use these days!”

I shake my head and sip my beverage, enjoying these precious moments I get to share with my aunt.