Page 29 of FWB

Kenny

I t’s getting harder and harder to ignore Tiegan.

It’s not like she’s blowing up my phone.

In reality, she’s been fairly quiet. But my mind keeps reeling, thinking of her and the mess I’ve gotten myself into.

It kills me that I couldn’t go to the show with her.

I watch the video she sent me multiple times, but I don’t send a response.

The song is about healthily crossing boundaries, pushing a stubborn person who is closed off from their feelings little by little until they finally open up.

I think back to our conversation at the Basement East about how she communicates through music.

I get her message, but I just can’t deliver.

When I finally go back to the office, I do my best to avoid Tiegan at all costs.

I always have Rex go up to mail packages if I need something shipped out.

If I see her in the hall, I will casually remember something I left at my desk.

Hell, I rarely go to the restroom for fear that she’ll be coming out of the ladies’ room after filling the hand soaps.

Today, on the first Monday of December, she finally corners me.

Actually, she leaves me a handwritten note on a purple sticky note in the shape of a cat, requesting to meet for lunch in “our” office at noon.

Can I pretend I never saw the note in the first place?

Probably, but I would end up looking like a total dick if I blatantly blow her off.

It’s five minutes past noon, and I’m still sitting at my desk just working up the courage to make my way to the 29th floor to meet Tiegan for the first time since this atomic bomb was unleashed on my life.

I take a deep breath and head to the freight elevators.

God, I need a cigarette right now. I enter the elevator when it arrives and press the button for the 29th floor.

Here goes nothing … “Or everything,” I mutter to myself.

The doors open and Tiegan is standing there, looking at her phone.

She’s wearing that black-and-white polka-dot dress she wore on her first day, but she’s not wearing bright red lipstick today.

In fact, she’s not wearing any makeup at all.

She looks up when the doors open. Her eyes are rimmed red and her face is blotchy like she’s recently been crying.

She straightens her posture before speaking. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show.”

“Sorry, I got caught up with work,” I lie.

“Want to head to our usual spot so we can talk for a bit?”

“Sure.”

We head through the doors into the hall, silently making our way to our office.

Tiegan enters before me, holding the door open to allow me passage, before closing and locking it.

She whirls on me, that blue gaze, normally so welcoming, like ice today.

“So how have you been? I haven’t seen much of you in the last month. ”

I rub the back of my neck and slowly pace back and forth across the room. It’s my nervous tick, pacing. I do it constantly when I’m trying to work through a problem in my head, and right now this is a big problem.

After a few seconds, I finally say, “Yeah, I’m sorry. Especially about missing your birthday, and the concert. I got your video. I’ve just had some … personal things happen recently that have kind of sent me into a tailspin.”

She seems to soften. “Kenny, you know you can talk to me about anything that’s going on. That’s what I’m here for, or at least want to be. You always tell me that you’re a safe space when I’m with you. Let me be that safe space for you too.”

I close my eyes, fighting back the tears that are starting to blur my vision.

“I can’t. Not right now at least. I’m not ready. Eventually, maybe, but not now.”

“Is it something with Sam? Did you two have a fight or something? Did he move out and leave you?”

“What? No! Sam is still living with me. It doesn’t have anything to do with him. This is all me and the consequences of my actions coming to bite me in the ass.”

She flinches at my harsh tone.

“Tiegan, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but trust me when I say that I can not tell you what is going on right now.”

“But why?” she begs.

“Because I just can’t , okay?“ I yell, frustrated that she’s too stubborn to let this go.

She wipes one lone tear away that slides down her left cheek before straightening.

“Okay, fine. I don’t know if it’s because you feel like you can’t trust me or what is going on here, but I’m done.

This arrangement is no longer working for me.

You have neither been a lover nor a friend to me over these last few weeks, so it is no longer benefiting me to continue this situation.

” She says it so matter-of-factly like she’s terminating a business agreement, not silently shattering my heart into a million pieces.

“I’m really sorry, Tiegan,” I whisper.

“It’s okay, Kenny. It was fun while it lasted. And we are both adults; we don’t have to make things awkward when we have to interact at work. We’re professionals and we can act like it.”

I nod, slowly. I don’t have anything left to say.

She turns to go, unlocking the door to our office one last time.

Before she crosses the threshold, she stops and pivots back to me.

“I hope life gets kinder to you, Kenny. No matter how I may feel at this moment, you’re a good person.

You deserve for good things to happen to you, and for things to start going your way.

” Then she turns and shuts the door behind her.

I release the sob I had been holding in, just letting it all out. I stay in our office for the rest of the lunch hour, crying, thinking, and staring mindlessly at the view of downtown Nashville.

Eventually, I make my way back to the freight elevators.

I need to get out of here. But I don’t have any spare PTO left after my trip home for Christmas was approved.

Shit. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do about going home for the holidays this year.

I’ll have to deal with that situation later.

For now, I’m going to have to suffer through the rest of the day with blurry eyes.

When I get back to my desk, Rex is there at his own with his headphones in, as per usual. I slip past him and into my cubicle, hoping he doesn’t notice me. No such luck. He comes over, takes one look at me, and asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Rex. I can’t,” I reply, coldly.

Rex and I have been friends for a long time.

We met while we were in college, going to rival universities.

Our paths would cross during conferences, and we eventually struck up a friendship.

Rex is actually the one to recommend me for my position at Kroger.

That being said, he knows me pretty well.

He knows when he can push me and when it’s time to back off.

Now is one of those times he knows he should back off.

He claps me on the back. “Okay, man. You know I’m here if you ever need to talk. ”

I mumble a thanks and put my head down, trying to focus on work again.