Page 87 of Full Out Fiend

But my anxiety is clawing at me in a panic.

It’s not you. It’s me.

Those words strung together paired with his aloofness screambreakupin my head.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Don’t wait up.”

That’s the last thing he says before he turns and walks out the door.

Maddie gave me her number, as well as Dempsey’s, months ago, insisting I could text or call anytime. I doubt she expected me to reach out in the middle of the night like this. But I don’t know what else to do.

I creep past my room where Serena’s sound asleep and push into our bedroom—hisbedroom—and crawl under the covers before sending off the text.

Daphne: I’m sorry it’s so late, but I’m worried about Fielding, and I don’t know what to do.

His response comes through immediately.

Dempsey: Can I call you?

The phone vibrates in my hand before I even have a chance to reply.

“Hi,” I answer tentatively. We’ve never spoken on the phone. We’ve never interacted at all without Fielding around to act as a buffer.

“Hi.” His greeting is weary, like he was almost expecting me to reach out. That alone is a comfort in some small, morbid way. If Dempsey’s not panicking, that means Fielding’s okay. It doesn’t bode well for me or the state of my relationship—but at least he’s okay.

There’s no point dancing around the inevitable.

“Do you know what’s going on?” I hiccup. “I do,” he replies hesitantly, like he’s trying to find the right words. “But it’s his story to tell…”

“God,” I breathe out, frustrated beyond reason that everyone always seems to know something I don’t. “That’s the least helpful thing you could say. I need you to give it to me straight, Dempsey. I’m weeks away from having a baby. If this is over, if I need to find another place to live, I need to know thatnow. I don’t have time to wait for Fielding to confide in me. I caught him in the kitchen sneaking out just now! He just—he just left! In the middle of the night! I went into the kitchen to get a drink, and he was upset that I caught him. He walked out the door and told me not to wait up. He just left…”

I trail off as I run out of steam, painfully embarrassed by my outburst. My relationship with Fielding’s brother is casual at best. If this is a situation in which sides have to be taken, there’s no way he won’t side with his twin. It’s pointless for me to go on. It was probably pointless to even text Dempsey in the first place.

I consider just hanging up. But before I can, he breaks the silence. “He’s okay. I think I know where he’s going, and he’s not in any danger,” he promises.

“I just don’t understand how he could freeze me out like that. How could he just leave?” I sniffle.

“You caught him off guard, Daphne. He’s trying so damn hard to fix things that might not be fixable… but for the first time in his life, he cares enough to try. He cares because ofyou.”

His words give me the courage to ask the question I almost don’t want to know the answer to. “So you don’t think he’s about to break up with me?” My voice comes out trembling. Soft and pathetic. I sound like I’m twelve. Ifeellike I’m twelve.

“Fuck,” Dempsey grunts. “Absolutely not. I’m sorry if he made you feel that way. I’m sure it was hard to see him like that, but try not to hold it against him. When my brother gets fixated on something, he’s laser-focused. He’ll come around. And he’ll come back—I know it. I swear to you. Just give him a chance to explain. Don’t give up on him.”

I nod wordlessly, letting Dempsey’s words sink in and wrap around me.

“He wasn’t running away from you, Daphne. He was running away from himself. Now more than ever, he’s motivated to change, to make amends for his mistakes, to be a better man. He wants to do it for you.”

“Okay,” is all I can manage before we hang up. I don’t know what I was hoping to hear, but Dempsey’s words did bring me a sliver of comfort—even if the details were vague.

I bury my face in his pillow and pull in a long breath. Notes of salt, musk, and apple consume me as I commit his scent to memory.

Dempsey says this isn’t the end of us, but I refuse to be jilted again.

I want so badly to trust in this relationship—to count on Fielding, and to believe in the possibility of us. But he has to show up and meet me halfway. He has to stay.

I gather up my pride and look wistfully around the room before trudging back across the hall. Nothing will be resolved tonight. Especially without him here.

Chapter 47