Page 47 of Full Out Fiend

A reluctant smile graces her lips, and I’m once again disarmed by just how pretty she is. How the hell did I land this angel? I hate that she’s sick and that she was going through more than enough even before grappling with the life-changing reality of an unplanned pregnancy. But I’m sure as hell not mad at the Universe for bringing us back together. It’s like I’m cheating the system somehow now that I know she’s carrying my child. I passed Go and collected two hundred dollars, and it still feels like the best is yet to come.

“So where do we stand?” I ask cautiously.

“We?”“You and me.” I move my hand down her arm and interlace our fingers, squeezing once for emphasis. “Us.”

Her grip goes slack before she responds.

“I honestly don’t know how to answer that…”

I wait for her to continue, but she doesn’t.

Nope. That’s not gonna work for me. She’s here. She knows I’m in. We’re both single, and the pull between us is just as strong as it was that first night. She’s carrying my child, for fuck’s sake. We know we’re fire when we’re together—something I’m fiending to experience again. If she’s letting me in, I wantallthe way in.

“I meant what I said last night. I’m in. I want to be with you. Let’s do this together.”

She says nothing still. I tug on her hand with enough force to halt us both.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Daphne. What’s holding you back?”

“You’re not going to like my answer,” she warns.

I wait patiently for her explanation as I start working up a counterargument in my head.

“I believe you want to be in the baby’s life. And I want you to be involved where it makes sense. But I can’t just hop into a relationship, if that’s what you’re asking me to do. I don’t have the energy to deal with… with everything. I’m exhausted. Calling off the wedding… my entire life going off track… and now this?” She puts a hand to her lower abdomen.

“But you feel it.” I argue. “I know you do. The connection between us—” I lean closer, pushing my luck and hovering in her space. “You feel it, and it’s stronger than ever. We weresogood together, Daphne. So. Fucking. Good,” I remind her, putting emphasis on each word and resisting the urge to kiss her.

She closes her eyes and inhales, so I do the same, savoring the floral notes of her hair mixed with the fresh, woodsy smell all around us. God, I want her. Not just because she’s carrying my child. But because she’sher. That night—that amazing, mind-blowing night—was nowhere near enough. I need another fix. I want to cash in on that monthly pass. I’d gladly sign up for a lifetime of this feeling.

“We can’t just act on attraction, Fielding.”

“Why not?” I challenge, inching closer until I can feel her breath mingle with mine.

“I don’t want to make this more complicated. We can’t guarantee things will work out between us, so it’s best if we don’t even try. Now that there’s another life involved, he or she comes first.” She nods once before meeting my gaze, her resolve firmly locked in place.

“You’re honestly telling me there’s no chance for us?” I push, the back of my hand brushing a featherlight touch down the side of her neck. “You think we’ll co-parent, spend all kinds of time together, and not want more? I already want more with you, Daphne.”

She looks up at me then, a hint of sorrow in her gaze. “I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend. Just getting through each day this week has been a struggle. I can barely keep my head above water as it is. If I keep feeling this sick, I won’t have anything else to give…”

The actual fuck?I can accept no if she doesn’t want me. But she’s standing here admitting she’s holding back because she’s afraid she’s not enough?

I refuse to accept that.

“I don’t know what kind of assholes you’ve dated in the past, but I don’t need anything from you except permission to be by your side whenever you need me,” I declare. I fucking mean it. There aren’t any rules or expectations for how we do this. I just want to try. We can figure this out—figure out whatusmeans—together. If only she’d give us a chance.

Silence builds between us, but I let the awkwardness fester. Silence is better than rejection.

Unlacing our fingers, I skim my fingertips up her arm, then gently cup both sides of her face in my hands before tilting her head back so she’s forced to meet my gaze.

“You’re trembling,” I realize, pulling her closer in case she’s cold.

“You unnerve me,” she admits as she nuzzles her cheek against the fabric of my shirt.

It’s the closest we’ve been since that night. Wave after wave of intimate memories come flooding back to me. There’s something so simple and beautiful about the way she leans into me. I never want to let her go.

I glide my arms down her back, and she shudders again under my touch.

“I like the way your body responds to mine,” I whisper, emboldened by her reaction. “It’s like it remembers—”