Page 103 of Full Out Fiend
“I can’t wait to wife you up and put a dozen more babies in here,” he declares, prodding my entrance with his tongue. “Eventually,” he adds. “When you’re ready.”
I don’t bother scolding him for getting ahead of himself. I know him well enough now to know there’s no point trying to rein him in. Fielding only knows how to love full out.
“I love you so much,” I start, shifting away and rolling to my side. “But we really do need to get going. Don’t you want to get home and see Winnie before she goes down for the night?”
He’s up in an instant, rummaging around for our clothes and ushering me into the shower so we can get going. I fight back a smirk at his reaction to potentially missing bedtime. I can’t help but grin as I watch him switch back into dad mode, texting his brother our ETA and retrieving the milk from the mini fridge that I pumped a few hours ago.
He must feel my eyes on him, because eventually he looks up and gives me one of those perfect Fielding grins. “I love you,” he tells me simply, locking me in his gaze and making sure I feel the gravity of his words.
“I know,” I reply, accepting his affection and feeling his sincerity in my bones. I always did believe in fairy tales. I just had no idea happily ever after could feel like this. “I love you, too.”
Chapter 58
Fielding
“Iloveher.I’veonly known her for two days and already—Iloveher.”
My brother has the goofiest grin on his face as he stares adoringly at my daughter. He’s got his feet propped on the coffee table, and she’s lying on his thighs while she grips both of his thumbs.
Daphne and Maddie are out back sharing a bottle of wine around the firepit. We told them we were having a Haas family meeting, and since they aren’t technically Haases, they weren’t invited.
Maddie got sassy, as expected. Daphne just scoffed playfully and smiled. She sees right through all my excuses to carve out little pockets of alone time for her. But she plays along, and I genuinely believe she appreciates it, too. Which works in my favor because I have no plans to stop anytime soon.
I want to provide for her. Give her everything she needs and support her in ways she never experienced before me. That’s my focus now—my purpose. I dicked around for nearly three decades, making selfish, immature choices. If this is my penance—doing all I can for the woman I love, who deserves the world and more—then sign me the fuck up.
Winnie squawks in my direction, and I lean in close to scrunch my nose against hers and kiss her sweet little head. She keeps looking from me to Dempsey, then back to me again.
I can’t imagine how confusing it is to stare at two versions of her own dad. But she saves all her gummy smiles for me, so I’m almost positive she can tell the difference between us.
“You made this,” he mutters in disbelief. He’s taken at least a hundred pictures of her since they got into town, which is ridiculous because we already send them multiple pictures every day.
I’ve never seen him like this before. Part of me feels a twinge of guilt—I’m going to have to warn Maddie. She’s got her five-year plan, and they just moved to NYC. She’s starting law school at Columbia in the fall. If my brother’s head is where I think it is…
“I want one,” he declares, leaning in to make a ridiculous face at Winnie as she coos.
Called it. I’ll definitely have to give Little Wheeler the heads-up…
“Gimme my baby before you catch a fever,” I insist, lifting Winnie out of his arms, then hugging her to my chest. Her little fist finds its way into the neck of my T-shirt as she turns her head and rests her cheek on my shoulder to stare back at my brother.
I kiss the top of her head, inhaling that delicious baby smell that’s quickly become one of my favorite scents in the world.
“I want to smell,” Dem grumbles, crowding my space so he can take his own whiff. “Fuck, that’s heavenly,” he curses, before asking, “Oh shit. Are we still allowed to say fuck?”
“You hear that, little angel? Your Uncle Dumpy has a potty mouth.” I smirk at him over her head before adding solemnly, “I figure we’ve got a year or so to break the habit.”
“She’s just so perfect,” he croons, grinding his hard head against my shoulder so he can get right up in her face.
“I seriously can’t believeyoumade this,” he gushes.
I give her bum a little pat, then rest my head against his. We regard my daughter as her lagoon-blue eyes stare right back at us as a comfortable silence settles around us.
“What if everything that happened had to happen so we could get here?” I whisper. It’s a thought that’s nagged me for weeks. Winnie is so amazing, so worthy, so good. It still doesn’t make sense that after all the shit I pulled and all the heartache I caused, I get to be her dad.
“Hmm.” Dem sighs contemplatively beside me, brushing one finger along her chubby cheek.
“Or what if she’s the bright spot you need and deserve after so many shitty years?”
I hadn’t thought about it like that. Mostly because I still don’t know that I deserve any of this.