Page 66 of From Ice to Home (The Heart of a Ranger #1)

AVAH

I had to get some air.

I’ve been trying to fully enjoy the day with Hannah, but it’s hard when I know I was supposed to be getting married this month. I’ve done my best to stay present, to enjoy every moment with her, but now…I need to catch my breath.

The summer night air of Georgetown, South Carolina, wraps around me. A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as my gaze travels over the fields basked in starlit darkness. Faint music from the barn plays from behind me, but in front of me, there’s nothing but silence and cicadas.

Today was beautiful, a dream wedding to anyone’s measure.

Just like most women out there, I dreamt of my wedding day way before I should’ve.

When Axel proposed to me, I immediately started planning.

Since our first anniversary I’ve had Pinterest boards filled with wedding gowns and venue ideas, color schemes and flower arrangements.

How could I not?

My parents are happily married, and have been for more than thirty years. The second I believed I was heading toward that same future, excitement took over.

Because I want that.

I prayed that I would one day find someone who would spend forever with me.

Since I grew up with a brother who played hockey, it meant that my entire life mostly revolved around the sport.

Falling for one of his teammates was inevitable, and it felt like a dream come true.

So when the man I slowly fell in love from the moment I met him, finally proposed to me, I was ecstatic.

The first thing I did was look at venues who had openings in the off-season. Everything was falling into place.

And yet, here I am.

A week before my supposed wedding should’ve been.

Without a fiance.

I quickly swipe away the tear sliding across my cheek. I refuse to give another minute of my life to Axel Boqvist. The day I found out about everything he was doing behind my back…my entire future shattered. I had no choice but to pack up and leave.

There was nothing left for me in Stockholm. Nothing but humiliation and a pile of shattered dreams.

My mom always said: ‘Don’t give an undeserving person time in your life, your mind, or your heart.’

I gave Axel more than my time, and in return he left me with nothing.

Love can make you blind. I’m a prime example of that.

Looking up at the stars, I breathe in the fresh night air of Georgetown.

There’s faint chatter and laughter coming from the barn, but other than that, it’s silent and peaceful.

It reminds me of weekends spent with my family at the old reserve.

It’s always been easier for me to pray outside, I’ve just always felt closer to the Father that way.

“God, I’ve waited. I’ve repented. I’ve apologized. I’ve grieved. I’ve prayed for healing. And still I’m here. I’m still stuck, not sure where to go next.”

Seeing Hannah and Lucas so happy together, with him not being able to keep his eyes off her…that’s the way it’s supposed to be. The person who tells you they love you, should only have eyes for you and nobody else.

It’s so beautiful out here, my heart tugs back to Sweden. Somehow I can’t imagine ever going back. I want to move forward, not take a step back.

“Is this where you come to sulk?” Declan Murphy’s thick Boston accent comes from behind me, breaking through the small bubble I’ve retreated into. “I’m used to a loud person in my face.”

Great. The absolute last person I want to see right now.

Swallowing down my tears, I quickly wipe at my cheeks before turning around to face him. He’s walking toward me with quick determined steps, hands in his pockets.

“Where’s Megan?” I ask, the usual bite in my voice making its appearance whenever I’m talking to him. “Or is off-season not part of the contract you give your girlfriends?”

He gives his usual cocky grin, the one that showcases the small dimple in his cheek.

“No, I like to rest during the off-season,” he says with a smirk. “In every way.”

His insinuation is not lost on me, and something in me reels back.

“You’re disgusting.”

“I aim to please, Snowflake.”

Snowflake?

I frown at him, wondering what exactly has gotten into him.

He’s never deliberately seeked me out before, or spoken to me if he could help it.

Now he’s doing both and adding a nickname to boot.

He took off his tie and his hair is ruffled.

His beard is trimmed at least, but the rest of him looks like he hasn’t been sleeping.

And he smells a bit like alcohol.

Entering into any kind of discussion with Declan Murphy is not a good idea, especially when he’s obviously had one drink too many.

“Excuse me,” I mutter, brushing past him. “I have to get back inside.”

“Is that it?” he asks, turning with me, his arms open.

“You’ve got nothing more to say to me, Avah?

Because the entire season you made sure to throw daggers at me every chance you got.

” He steps closer, the frustration brewing in his dark eyes clear.

“So come on, have at it, just know…you have to take as good as you give.”

I eye him warily. What’s he trying to achieve?

We’re alone, nobody else is around, and he’s basically inviting me into a sparring match.

I’ve struggled to reign in my judgment when it comes to Declan and his way of life.

Every time I’ve said something, I’ve felt guilty afterwards.

Because that’s not how someone who wants to lead life a certain way should talk to anyone.

Let alone to someone who’s obviously struggling with a few things.

But as much as I might want to deny it, Declan has been my punching bag this past year. He’s taken every single shot aimed at Axel.

Because he was here . Because I don’t have any type of relationship with him.

Because he deserves it since he’s treating women like they’re disposable.

Turning to face him fully, I watch as a look of satisfaction spreads across his face. It ignites the urge to bring him down a peg. Or seven. To wipe that smug expression from his face once and for all.

“I have no idea why you need to hear about your life from me,” I bite out. “But if you want confirmation of just what a sad excuse of a man you really are, then I’ll be happy to oblige.”

He smiles, like I’ve just given him exactly what he wants.

“Have at it, Snowflake, tell me how much you think about the type of man I am.”

I can’t help but scoff and roll my eyes.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I say, crossing my arms. “You don’t deserve another woman spending more than a minute of her life on you.

You parade your pick of the season around, bringing her to every game and event like you’re doing her some kind of favor.

Meanwhile you’re cheating on her behind her back, every chance you get. ”

His face turns serious as he shakes his head in denial.

“It’s not cheating,” he says, his voice gruff. “They know we’re not exclusive. I’ve always been very clear about that to every single woman I’ve been with.”

“Oh wow,” I say, unable to keep myself from slow clapping. “That’s just great. Well done. You deserve a gold star for your honesty and thoughtfulness.”

A humorless laugh escapes him as he runs his hand through his overly long hair.

“You see, that’s what I don’t get. You don’t know me. And yet, you think you have the right to tell me how much you despise the way I live my life. When it doesn’t affect you in any way. So why don’t you step off, and leave me alone?”

I can’t answer that question, not unless I give away too much about my own life. And there’s no way I’m going to share my personal heartache with him.

His face twists into a smile as he takes another step closer, the smell of Bourbon now unmistakable.

“See, now I’m faced with the only logical reason,” he says, tossing his head back and laughing. “You’re jealous of the women who spend their time with me.”

That’s it. That’s like throwing a whole can of fuel onto the already burning fire that is my anger.

I step into his space, jabbing my finger at his chest.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” I say through gritted teeth. “ It’s because of that self-righteous, pompous, giant ego of yours, that I will never , in a thousand years hate myself enough to spend my time with you.”

“And yet here you are,” he says with a smug smile.

Huffing, I turn away from him. I have no idea why I entered into this conversation. It was clearly a way to get under my skin and I fell for it. You can’t talk to someone who doesn’t care about anybody but himself and his own selfish needs.

Without another word, I head back to the barn, refusing to play his game anymore.

“Lovely talking to you, Snowflake ,” he calls after me.

The sound of his deep chuckle follows me every step of the way.