Page 57 of From Ice to Home (The Heart of a Ranger #1)

The thought that she wasn’t wearing her ring because she felt she didn't deserve it, never crossed my mind. Not even once.

I close the distance between us in two strides and wrap my arms around her. The need to hold her, to make her understand how much she means to me, is overwhelming. She exhales shakily, her body softening against mine and it feels like a small victory.

“You haven’t once doubted us, Luke,” she whispers against my chest. “You knew this would work, even when you found the bed empty the next morning.”

“I hoped , Sanders,” I tell her honestly. “I didn’t know anything.”

“I should’ve been able to do that for us,” she says, looking up at me, her green eyes filled with regret and guilt. “And now, it’s like everyone is doubting this marriage. It’s been interviews and photos and comments from every possible hockey fan on the planet, and it’s been eating away at me.”

She sighs, moving back toward the bed and sitting with her legs tucked beneath her.

I used to dream about what it would be like to have Hannah in bed with me.

To see her after she took a shower, with her hair over her shoulders, in her comfy pajamas as she snuggles into bed after a long and rough day.

I’ve always wanted her to find peace with me at her side.

But right now, there’s no peace in her expression.

“Sanders, people will talk, no matter what we do.” That’s the truth, as much as I hate it. We can’t live our lives to please the fans. “Besides,” I lift the ring hanging around my neck, “as far as they’re concerned, I’m not wearing a ring either.”

“I hear what you’re saying, Luke, but it does matter.” She points to the windows. “It matters to them. And because of that, it influences you. It influences your team, your manager, your coach. What happens between us now feels dictated by the people out there and I hate that.”

She’s not wrong. The past week I’ve let those same headlines nearly tank my game.

I was more than happy to give her time to work through everything on her own terms, until I saw that headline.

It planted doubts in my mind. Doubts I’ve fought hard to ignore because we’re married and she promised me she’s in this.

Those doubts crippled me. It nearly cost me my spot in the line-up and the GM thought it his business to call my wife behind my back.

I take a seat next to her, resting my hand on her thigh, watching her skin come alive beneath my touch.

Something inside of me stirs at her body’s reaction to me.

She looks at me, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

The shy look in her eyes as she looks at my chest, reminds me of the night in Vegas—when we gave each other everything.

Then, it was easy to give in to what we wanted, to be together in that way.

I’ve never wanted another woman the way I want Hannah.

Ever since we got back, my body has been aching to feel her again because it hasn’t forgotten what it feels like to be close to her.

It would be easy to give in to my desires, to touch her, and hold her, and lose myself inside of her until I forget everything else.

And I want to. I desperately want to.

But I shouldn’t…we shouldn’t. Not if we can’t bring ourselves to wear our rings.

Not if we’re struggling to focus only on each other, leaving others out of our relationship.

There shouldn’t be anyone else in our relationship.

Nobody but Me.

The voice strikes my heart like a flaming arrow. It’s not just conviction, it’s confirmation. Thinking about it, it’s exactly what Nikolai alluded to in Vancouver. I felt the weight of his words then, and I’m hearing them in the Spirit now. Clear and unmistakable.

My gaze dips to the ring where it’s still in the palm of her hand. The symbol of an eternity together, a never-ending vow. It’s supposed to bind us. Not only to each other, but to our promise to God.

“Do you want to wear your ring?” I ask her, hoping the answer is still yes.

There’s a flash of uncertainty and hurt in her eyes, and my heart feels like it might crack if she’s going to deny me. She looks up at me with her green eyes, shimmering with unshed tears.

“I want to wear it, really,” she says, biting her bottom lip and taking a deep breath. “But it feels like I don’t deserve to.”

“Sanders—-“

“Because it feels like I betrayed God’s plan for us.

Do you think this is what He wanted for us?

Honestly? Do you think He was in that chapel with us in Vegas?

” she asks, unloading all the questions that’s been burdening her heart.

“Because I can’t reconcile it, Lucas. It feels like I have gone against His rules, His design for us—-“

“And because of that you feel undeserving,” I finish her sentence for her. “You feel like we’ve taken something that wasn’t given, or planned.”

She averts her gaze, the tears that were in her eyes a second ago, now slowly spilling over her cheeks. She nods, slowly.

It wrecks me to see her like this. It hurts to know that she feels like she doesn’t deserve to be happy, that God wouldn’t want happiness for her.

She’s the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out.

She’s a daughter of the King. I’ve known that from the minute I met her.

And I know He would want her to be happy, especially if it glorifies Him.

And Hannah has never not glorified God. Never.

“I don’t believe that for a second,” I tell her, my voice firm.

I tip her chin up, so that she can meet my gaze.

“You are my wife,” I tell her, searching her eyes for any sign of denial, or regret and finding none.

“Nobody will ever be able to change that fact. We made a vow, a covenant. It binds us together in a way that cannot be broken, Hannah. Whether we made our promises in Georgetown, in your church, or in Vegas.”

“But, I ran away,” she says, her voice shaking.

“After we made vows, after we kissed, after we…” she blushes, no doubt th inking about the wonderful wedding night we had, being together for the first time.

“Nobody deserves to be treated like that. A wife shouldn’t do that to her husband.

If we had done things the right way, maybe that never would have happened.

I wouldn’t have hurt you. Us coming together would be a memory we cherished instead of one I look back on in shame. ”

I take the ring from her trembling hands and slide it onto her finger, where it belongs. The tears are now flowing freely over her cheeks, and my heart aches.

“Listen to me, Hannah.” I wipe them away with both thumbs, holding her face gently in my hands.

“I’m not holding any of that against you.

As far as I’m concerned, it never even happened…

not like that. You were in shock after everything.

And you came back, we came back.” I run my hand over my face, hating that she’s been carrying the weight of this, and that I let her.

“Looking back, I should’ve known better. I should’ve been more in control, more disciplined…but I was just so happy to have you back. I didn’t want to lose you again and it made me forget myself. It made me forget what you needed.”

I swallow.

“You’re not the one who’s undeserving, Hannah. I should’ve been a better man. And then a better husband. I should’ve…”

I should’ve led her.

I should’ve helped her wear the ring.

I should’ve spoken up instead of allowing the silence.

She shakes her head, her lips parting. “No,” she tries but I pull her into my chest.

“Yes,” I answer softly, firmly. “I failed you, but I’m not going to anymore.”

The moment settles between us. Heavy words spoken, now settling around us. She presses her hand to my chest before moving it down over my arm, down over my forearm, brushing her fingers against the ink of my tattoo.

“Seeing your tattoo settled something inside of me when I saw you in Vegas,” she murmurs, looking up at me. “That you’re still the same man I fell in love with. The same man who loves God and who follows Him in everything.”

I look down at the ink, breathing the words that’s been etched into my soul. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

Hannah looks at me, finishing the line, her voice soft and sure. “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

This time it’s me who can’t look at her. I haven’t done that since we got married. I’ve prayed and spoken to God, but I haven’t shared that with Hannah. We haven’t given our relationship to Him. Even in starting it, we bypassed the most important part.

“Sanders…” I swallow, looking down, not sure how to move forward.

I just know that we need to fix this part of our marriage before we can even attempt to fix anything else.

“Before we left Georgetown, your dad told me that we should read the Bible together, and that we should do it every night. And we haven’t done that.

We haven’t even prayed together, and that’s on me. ”

When I was younger, I thought this would be the easiest part of a relationship.

With two people who love God, how could this not be?

But since we’ve been here, since we got married, I found that spending time together in our faith is very hard to do.

It’s something we’re going to have to be more intentional with.

Looking at the ring on her finger, I know what I have to do. “Let’s pray together, Hannah.”

She nods against my chest and suddenly, I feel a bit self-conscious.

We’ve prayed together before, but now it’s different. Now, I’m very aware of the fact that we’re husband and wife, coming before the Lord in a different way.

“Hannah, this is…” I swallow, praying that the Spirit will guide me in my words.

“This is something that’s important to me.

I’m not always very consistent when it comes to reading my Bible, but I pray every single day.

Every single time before I step onto that ice, I thank God for where I am.

I ask him to bless me and the game. I ask for His Hand of protection and that He will be glorified whether we win or lose, whether I mess up or shine. ”

She looks at me with a small smile on her face as she places her hands either side of my face.

“Luke, I know you love Him. I’ve seen it when we were younger, and I’ve seen it while we’re here.” Her eyes soften as they flick across my face. “That’s one of the reasons why I love you.”

Hearing that comforts me and I press my forehead against hers, breathing her in.

“What I’m trying to say is that God is present in every part of my life, but I haven’t asked Him, or invited Him, into our marriage yet and I want to do that.

I need to do that. Otherwise I don’t see how we’re going to make a success out of this, Sanders.

I can’t be a husband without Him leading me. ”

She nods, tears forming in her eyes. She drops her gaze and I give her a minute.

“I feel the same, Luke.” She sniffs, reaching back toward the bedside table to grab a tissue.

She wipes her tears and clears her throat.

“This is the right thing to do. We’ve been running around in circles, trying to do things on our own.

That’s not how this goes, we both know that.

I don’t know why we didn’t just do this from the very beginning. ”

Somehow we allowed it to slip away from us.

“Can I pray for us?” I ask. She nods with a small smile.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I take her hands in my own. I stay quiet, still, letting the noise in my mind settle. I focus on that quiet place, the sacred space in my heart where I go to meet with my King. Moments pass and then I sense it.

The presence of God, thick and undeniable, settling over us like a holy covering.

His enormity fills the room.

His authority demands reverence.

His glory humble me to my core.

My chest tightens as the emotion rises, and before I know it, I’ve slipped from the bed onto the floor, onto my knees.

I can’t stay seated beside her. Not for this.

Somehow, I know I need to go first. Not to shield her from God, but to take my place.

To take responsibility. To stand as the one who is called to lead, to repent, to intercede.

We’re not just two people side by side anymore.

We are one flesh now. And in this moment, that truth matters more than ever.

I kneel not just for myself, but for both of us.

I kneel for our marriage and for the covenant we made.

For all the ways we’ve gotten it wrong and all the ways we’re still learning.

I kneel because I need Him to see me first, to hold me accountable.

Because if we’re going to do this right, it has to start here… with surrender.

“Most High, Almighty Lord of Hosts, Majesty and Savior,” I start, unable to keep the emotion from my voice.

“ Father , we come before you tonight not as two but as one. We know Father, we know, we moved without your blessing, and for that we ask for Your forgiveness and mercy. We know that You were with us when we said our vows. Because You are always there, You are always with us.”

I take a deep breath, my heart beating steadily inside my chest as the words are lifted from me.

“So now, we want to do what we should’ve done that night we came together.

Father, we want to give our relationship, our marriage, to You.

We place it at Your feet and ask that You will bless us, that You will guide us in everything we do.

Father, we ask that You will show us how to be a godly husband and a godly wife, and a couple who works together for the goodness of Your Kingdom.

We ask You to cover us, Father. Not only in Your love, but in Your mercy and Your light.

In the Mighty Name of Jesus we pray. Amen”

“Amen,” Hannah’s voice echoes with a strong voice.

Coming back into our bedroom, I realize my cheeks are wet. When I open my eyes, Hannah looks at me with wide eyes. Gone are the fear, the guilt.

What’s left is love, hope…and her.

Just us. With God at the center. The way it was designed to be.