Page 13 of From Ice to Home (The Heart of a Ranger #1)
HANNAH
T his week has been the longest and most gut-wrenching week of my entire life.
I’ve spent my days with the kids at Camp Grace, enduring all kinds of pranks while trying to keep up with an endless stream of physical activities.
I didn’t realize how out of shape I’d gotten until I was halfway through the obstacle course, trailing behind my team of nine-year-olds.
Now, clutching my knees and gasping for air, I try to catch my breath after finishing our Saturday afternoon activity. Parents will be picking up their kids in a few minutes, and then—thankfully—I can rest. At least until tomorrow.
“You look rough, sis.” Micah’s voice cuts through my wheezing as he approaches with a bottle of water in hand, his grin far too smug for my liking. “You do know there are three weeks left, right?”
I straighten up enough to grab the bottle from him and gulp down several mouthfuls, the cool liquid barely soothing the fire in my legs and lungs. Swiping my hand across my brow, I glare at him, but he’s just standing there, looking entirely too amused.
“You try running after a bunch of kids who think sabotaging their team leader is a sport.”
Micah chuckles and leans against a nearby tree, arms crossed over his chest. “Nah, I’ll leave that to the overachiever who decided she needed to come back home for this. Tell me again, why are you here?”
“Oh bite me,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Relax, I’m not Essie. Your reasons are your reasons, just know that our little sister is on to you.”
Essie and a few of her friends are standing not too far away, eyeing me with suspicion.
Most of the groups are just finishing up with their physical activity for the day.
The theme for today is ‘forgiveness’, which means the younger kids were put through a very unforgiving obstacle course, while the older ones got a lesson from the Bible.
Although something tells me my little sister won’t be so forgiving once she finds out the nature of my secret.
She’s been on my case this entire week, catching up with me whenever she can, coming to my room after dinner and constantly prodding and asking more questions that I can ever handle.
“She’s relentless,” I say, sighing as I take another sip of water.
“Yeah, and she’s also smarter than she looks.
” Micah’s grin widens. His dark eyes sparkle with humor, showcasing the similarities between him and Essie even more.
Some people have mistaken them for twins before, especially when she decides to dress up, which automatically makes her look older than fourteen.
“Of course she is,” I mutter.
The campsite is buzzing with campers taking their thirty minute cool down with sweet tea and snacks before their parents will arrive. The older kids will share dinner in the mess hall before moving to their cabins and starting the evening bible study and worship sessions.
I loved being here every summer. My dad has always found a way to make the themes work in such a way that it spoke to my heart and my spirit. This week however, I’ve felt nothing but conviction from the Holy Spirit no matter what the theme was for the day.
My phone buzzes in my pocket once again. Digging it out, I glance at the screen to find another message from Lucas.
Sanders, please just call me back. I know this is big, but it’s something we can handle.
I sigh, trying to swallow the knot in my throat, but the expression on my face must give me away because Micah’s eyebrow quirks up as he looks at me.
“What’s going on, Han?” he asks, his voice full of concern.
“It’s nothing,” I say quickly, shoving my phone back into my pocket. The way he’s looking at me tells me he’s not buying it.
“Sure, nothing,” he echoes, his tone mocking but his eyes narrowing slightly. He looks over his shoulder again to where Essie is leaving with her friends. “You’re not exactly subtle, you know. We all know something major is going on, so at some point you’re going to have to ‘fess up.”
I hesitate, debating whether or not to deflect or to just be honest for once.
I’ve always encouraged my siblings to share, since we’re such a close family and it’s not every day you find friends built into your life.
But for me it’s always been a bit different for some reason.
I don’t know if it’s because I kind of feel responsible for them.
There were a lot of times where I didn’t feel like I was a kid, or their big sister. I felt more like another parent.
But looking at him now, I can see the genuine concern my little brother has for me. I’m not his mom—I’m his sister. And I want to be someone he can depend on and trust.
Finally, I shrug. “It’s Lucas.”
Micah’s expression stays neutral, though I notice his fingers gripping his water bottle a bit tighter.
My entire family has always gotten along very well with Lucas, but they obviously felt a certain way about him after we broke up—especially my brothers.
I didn’t tell them the reasons for why things didn’t work out…
they just saw the broken mess I was after it was over.
To them it may have looked like my boyfriend left me to play in the NHL, while I went to Durham with a broken heart.
Back then I never felt the need to elaborate or clear things up—in my mind it was over and done with and I had to move on.
Looking back now, I’m aware that most of that was denial and me running away from my feelings.
“Lucas?” he asks, his voice tight. “I didn’t know you guys were talking again?”
His words leave a hollow feeling of guilt inside my gut.
I’m not talking to Lucas. I just married him and then fled the scene.
I shrug, the events of how we ran into each other, caught up into the early hours of the morning and ended up at The Church of Elvis flashing through my mind.
“We’re just figuring a few things out,” I say, the omission just as big as an outright lie, hating myself as the words spill from my mouth. “We haven’t really spoken since high school, so it’s all new and different. It wasn’t exactly planned.”
Micah’s gaze narrows as he takes a sip of his water, carefully choosing his next words.
“Look, I know it’s none of my business what’s going on between you two, but you’re still my sister.
” He looks towards where Essie and her friends are still hanging out before looking back at me.
“I care about you and what happens to you. You were a wreck after Lucas left. Why would you put yourself through that again? ”
His words add more guilt to the pile. Sighing, I meet Micah’s gaze.
“He didn’t leave me, Micah. I’m the one who ended things back then,” I say, feeling a bit lighter having told him that. “It felt like the right thing to do. He needed to follow his dreams.”
Micah’s eyes widen slightly. “Wow, okay. That changes a few things. Although it still doesn’t explain why you’re talking to him now? I mean, he’s still a pro-hockey player. That part hasn’t changed—and yet you have a strange look on your face. You’re back together with him?”
I look away from Micah, unable to look him in the eye and lie again. “It’s complicated.”
That’s the best and the most honest answer I can give him right now.
“Right.” His lips twitch like he wants to say more, but instead, he lets the silence hang between us.
I should’ve known he’d see straight through my attempts at keeping a secret.
Micah’s ability to keep his private life private also gives him the necessary insight to read other people. It’s like his super power.
“What about you?” I ask, the need to deflect suddenly strong. “How are things with the girl-next-door?”
Micah straightens from where he’s leaning against the tree, his dark gaze narrowing. “No idea what you’re talking about.”
He knows I know he’s lying. He told me and Niel about the new girl who moved in next door, and it’s been painfully obvious all week.
I’ve never seen my little brother act this way around a girl—and that’s saying something, considering he’s on the varsity football team and surrounded by admirers most of the time.
“Come on, Micah,” I nudge, taking another sip of water. “I see the way you’ve been looking at her. And you two looked pretty cozy at the bonfire the other night.”
“Obvious? Me?” he fires back, with a hint of challenge in his voice. “Tell me more about how you’re rekindling old flames with a famous hockey star? The one who lives all the way in New York, while you’re where? Here?”
I open my mouth to retort but stop short. He’s got a point, and we both know it. We both fall silent, realizing that in this situation at least, we’re both a bit too similar when it comes to our privacy. We’re just not ready to share the unspoken truth just yet.
His words are like flaming arrows. I’ve tried my best not to think about the fact that I didn’t just marry Lucas, my ex-boyfriend from high school, but Lucas Walker the pro-athlete with a public spotlight and a career that seems larger than life.
It’s like trying to separate two halves of the same person, and failing miserably.
Finally, Micah finishes his own bottle of water and brushes imaginary dust off his shorts. He glances my way, the hardness that was in his eyes a minute ago, melting away. Instead, I find my little brother with a rare softness playing on his features.
“For what it’s worth,” he says quietly, “sometimes, you don’t have to have it all figured out before you tell people what’s going on. Just saying.”
His words linger in the air, and for a moment, I wonder if they’re meant for me or for himself.
After a moment, he turns and starts to walk off to the graduate campsite.
Looking at him, it feels strange to see him this grown up.
Next year he’ll be moving to Durham, also attending Duke.
He’s no longer the little guy who snuck bugs into my room.