Page 95 of Forgive Me, Father

THIRTY-ONE

THE LITTLE RUNAWAY

"The bath was perfect,just what I needed.I had my sweet, loving husband back, not the one who hid away in his dungeon.I still had to find a way to love that part of him too, to truly want to be with all of him.

His darkness drew out a part of me, a part that longed to satisfy whatever lingered within him.It called to something buried deep inside me, a darkness of my own that I didn’t yet understand.

I lay in his arms as he kept washing me.

“Did you use to do this with Sarah, taking care of her afterward?”I had to ask, even though I knew I probably wouldn’t like the answer.

His hand paused in mid-air, and he inhaled deeply.

“I won’t be mad.I promise.”

“You say that now.”His voice wavered with uncertainty.

“So, you took care of her afterward?”His non-answer was answer enough.

“It’s got nothing to do with feelings or the sex.It’s putting both of our demons back in their boxes, so we can carry on with our everyday lives.”

“Do you still speak to each other?”

“She tries.”A sigh left him.“She is not taking this easy.”

“Meaning?”

“I used to pay her every time, Camilla.That’s how she’s been able to live so lavishly.But I’m not doing any of that anymore.”

“So, she’s not happy with this arrangement?”

“To be honest, I don’t care.You’re my priority now, my responsibility.Not her.”He kissed the top of my head and continued washing me.

Silence lingered.

I really didn’t like this Sarah.It felt as if she needed him more than he needed her.

“Was there anything tonight you do not want me to use again?”he asked.

I wished I could tell him the pinwheel, but I knew it was crucial to what he needed.

He used it tonight, and we weren’t in his dungeon as long as we had been the last time.The cutter was the other one.I could still feel the cuts and the burn lingered sharply.

The biting was also extreme, but to be honest, I also loved the idea of wearing his marks.

I shook my head.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” he breathed.

After the bath, he made sure to tend to all my cuts, disinfecting them carefully.Some of the cuts needed adhesive stitches, others he just covered with plasters.The bite marks on my thigh were larger, and they hurt the most.

Yet, I couldn’t help but smile whenever my eyes drifted to one of the marks.

We went to bed, and he watched a movie with me on Netflix.I fell asleep in his arms, but when I woke up the next morning, his spot was empty.