Page 67 of Forgive Me, Father

“Stop kissing me, you fucking bastard.”

He laughed as he licked the blood from his lip.“This I can deal with.”He pushed me tighter against the wall and kissed me furiously again.

I hated him for lying, for breaking my trust.But more than that, I hated how much I still loved him.How much I still wanted him.

I swore I wouldn’t believe another word he said.I didn’t want to give in to his needs or mine.I didn’t want to surrender.

But wanting him was a war in itself, and somewhere along the way, our fight turned into something else entirely.

We clawed each other’s pants off and it wasn’t long before he pushed himself inside of me.

It felt as if I was on drugs.Alfonso was my cocaine and every single time he entered me, it calmed the storm inside of me.Reality felt so far away, and I hated that I was so weak.

TWENTY-THREE

THE WHITE RABBIT

I finally explainedto Camilla who Sarah was.

“You’re fucking kidding me?”she said, eyes wide with disbelief.

“Nope.I’m a mess, if you haven’t figured that out by now.”

She shook her head.“Yeah, I think you should stop talking before I hear something I really can’t unhear.”

“What?I’m trying to explain,” I said, exasperated.

“What, that you have a mistress who allows you to cut and tie her up during sex and who knows what else, just to have a fucking normal relationship with me?That is what you want to tell your wife?”

I sighed.“It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

She let out a dry laugh.“Oh?Which part, darling?”

I stared at her, feeling the weight behind her sarcasm.I understood, she was hurt because I lied.How the fuck was I going to tell her that my sexual preference was leaning to a more sadistic side.That I needed to calm whatever demons were inside of me, so I didn’t end up playing my sick, sadistic games with her in bed.

The words sounded wrong even as I heard them in my own head.

She huffed in frustration, hurled herself off the bed, and stormed out.A moment later, I heard the click of a door locking down the hall.

This was a mess, one I hadn’t meant to create, but one Simi had lit the match for.I just wanted it to be over.

The dominant side of me took over.I threw the covers off and got out of bed, striding to the room she’d locked herself in.The door was shut tight.

“Open up before I break this door down,” I said, voice firm and low.

“I’m okay.It’s all good,” came her muffled reply, too light, too fake.

“Stop fucking saying that.Open this fucking door.”

“Go to sleep, Alfonso.”

I let out a dry laugh and dragged a hand through my hair, the frustration simmering just beneath the surface.Whatever, darling.

Without hesitation, I slammed my shoulder into the door, it gave way with a loud crack.

She cursed from the bed, turning away from me.“Please, can you just let me be?”

“No,” I said firmly, crossing the room in two strides.I climbed onto the bed, positioning myself above her, refusing to let her shut me out.