Page 74 of Forgive Me, Father

“I’m sorry,” Alfonso whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead as my eyes fluttered closed.

Every nerve in me ignited, my body a blazing, restless fire.But a heavy fatigue rolled over me like a wave, and the last thing I sensed was Alfonso carrying me toward the bathroom.

* * *

The next morning, the holes in my skin were sealed with butterfly stitches.

I still had no idea what had made those wounds, something far sharper than his nails.

He sat at the edge of the bed.His back was facing me.I touched his back, and he looked over his shoulder at me.

“I’m going to fix this today.”

I frowned.“I don’t understand.”

“I told you that I need this.I can’t do this to you.”

“Oh, but you can do this to Sarah or whoever the fuck she is?”Tears blurred my sight.

“She needs the pain.It’s why our arrangement works so beautifully.”

“Alfonso, please, don’t do this.”

“You hardly handled it last night.Don’t ask me to do that again.I’ll be myself tonight.It will be as if nothing happened.”

“That is where you are wrong.It won’t be as if nothing happened.You are not built a certain way, neither am I.”I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.I couldn’t let him see me break.Sobs tore from me.

He had already made up his mind that I wasn’t strong enough to handle all of him.

I didn’t know how long I stayed in the bathroom, but I drifted away.When I woke up, my body still ached.

It was time to inspect my wounds.

Bruises mottled my legs, darkening the skin around the stitches.The butterfly closures held firm.

But all of it felt meaningless.I still had no clue how to begin processing what had happened.I had so many questions, but I doubted my husband would ever answer them.

I knew he needed this darkness inside him.I wanted to be enough.For him, For us, but how do you fight a man who refuses to believe you ever will be?

All I could remember was the overwhelming fatigue that weighed me down.

I took a shower.

Tears blurred my vision as they welled up again.He was probably already lost in some dark place, feeding the insatiable hunger of his darkness.

Tonight, he was going to learn just how wrong he was.Nothing between us would ever be the same again, not with him trapped in that world.

A flood of unknowns crashed through my mind, things I’d never fully understood, things I tried to imagine, but couldn’t make sense of.

Him with her.Him enjoying her; her enjoying him.It was what he said.Their relationship just worked.They both needed it.

I didn’t know if I could stay with him, knowing he was getting something he needed from someone else.

After the shower, I slipped into a pair of island pants to hide my legs, the fabric soft against my skin, but it did little to lift my spirits.I wasn’t in the mood for anything today.It felt like a heavy cloud was hanging over me, especially knowing where he was.

My stomach growled, reminding me I needed to eat, so I left the room.When I stepped into the kitchen, I froze.Bas was seated at the table, but it was Nico who made my heart drop.He always seemed to be by Alfonso’s side, wherever he went.

Nico gave a small nod toward the lounge.I didn’t want to look, but I did anyway.