Page 65 of Forbidden Billionaires, Vol. 9

"What's wrong?" Emily asked as she opened the door.

"Why do you always assume something is wrong when I visit you?"

She stepped aside to let me in. "Because whenever you show up unannounced, something is always wrong."

I sat down on her couch and tucked my feet beside me.

"Seriously, Keira, you're freaking me out. What's wrong?"

"Really, nothing. I just finished my last two articles for the How to Play with a Player series."

"What steps were those again?"

Emily seemed to love hearing about my risqué articles.

"Step four was 'Turn up the Heat'. You know, being super sexy and all.

" And giving Rory head and pretending I was practicing for my date.

Emily didn't need to know that though. Fortunately she already confessed that she never read my articles, so hopefully she just wanted to hear about it and wouldn't read it.

It was actually really fun to remember all the crazy stuff I did to get Rory's attention.

"And step five was 'Make Him Jealous'. It was just about going on a fake date. So I'm officially done now."

"Well, that's great. Now you can just put that behind you and hope that Rory never sees it."

My stomach churned. "Yeah, I know. The last one will come out in Sunday's paper and then hopefully the whole thing will just blow over.

But..." I looked down at my hands in my lap.

"It's just...when I was writing, I felt.

.." I sighed and put my face in my hands.

"I've never felt this way before," I said into my hands.

"Keira, I can't even understand what you're saying."

"Even when I'm not with him, just thinking about him makes me...ugh, what am I going to do?"

"I seriously can't understand anything you're saying right now."

I lifted up my head. "I think I'm in love with him."

"Wait, what?"

"No, I know I'm in love with him. Because I thought I loved David. And it killed me when he dumped me. And I couldn't stop crying when he got engaged to the next girl he dated. But I never felt this way about him. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Emily smiled.

"I'm completely addicted to him. Why are you smiling at me? Stop smiling like that. You look like you just murdered someone, you psychopath."

"Whoa! Calm down for one second. I'm smiling because I'm happy for you."

"You can't be happy for me! I wrote a whole series of articles about how I tricked him into sleeping with me. I'm a monster."

Emily laughed. "You're not a monster. Just think of all the things that he's probably done to get women into bed with him."

"I don't want to think about that. Besides, that's different.

He didn't do any of that with me. When he finds out about my articles, he's going to hate me.

His last girlfriend completely fucked him up when she cheated on him.

That's why he acts like a slut and is afraid of commitment.

He's going to think what I did was a huge betrayal. "

"You don't know that."

"Wouldn't you?"

Emily paused for a second. "What made you write the articles in the first place? I've been reading along and all these things you've done...it's not like you."

Crap, Jim. "I just got some advice about how to make Rory want me again. And the article just kind of accidentally happened. I pitched a pretty different idea to my editor and she wanted it to be sexier."

"Who the heck gave you the advice to be more risqué instead of being yourself? That's terrible advice."

"Just another friend."

"Well don't listen to them anymore. They're the worst."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was pretty funny that she was making fun of her own husband. I sighed. "What do you think I should do?"

"Maybe you should just tell him about it. Laugh it off early. It's not a big deal."

"But we only just started dating, or whatever it is we're doing. We haven't even had that conversation yet."

"I think you should probably tell him. Especially if it's bothering you this much. When you hold things back you always act really weird."

I laughed. "Yeah, just when I hold things back."

She smiled and stood up. "I actually have to finish getting ready to go. I'm meeting Jim at that new Thai place downtown for dinner. And I'm already running late. Do I look okay?"

I hadn't even noticed how dressed up she was. More guilt was added to the pit already forming in my stomach. "You look amazing, Emily. What's the special occasion?"

Emily bit her lip. "Well...we actually are celebrating tonight."

"Right, I got that. But what are you celebrating?" Their anniversary wasn't for another couple months.

Emily smiled. "No one but Jim knows yet, and I'm not supposed to tell anyone else for a while, but I can't even stand it. I'm pregnant!"

"What?! Oh my God, Emily!" I stood up and hugged her.

Pregnant? How could she be pregnant? I thought about Rory's housewarming party and the other day when I had come over and we had wine with lunch.

No. She only had water at the party. And she had poured herself a glass of wine the other day, but she had never drank any of it.

It had just sat there on the table. How could I have not noticed that?

I suddenly felt like a terrible friend. I was always so concerned with my own problems that I didn't even realize all the signs pointing to my best friend being pregnant.

"I'm so happy for you guys. You and Jim are going to be the most amazing parents. "

Emily laughed. "I'm so excited. I can't even stop smiling. That's probably part of the reason why I looked like a murderous psychopath earlier. Or maybe I just have an evil monster baby that's taking over my mind."

"You don't. Stop it. You look amazing." I let go of her embrace. "You don't even look pregnant at all."

"I'd hope not, I'm barely a few weeks along."

"Geez, I can't even believe it. I'm so happy for you. Why didn't you tell me you were going to start trying?"

"I just...you were busy with everything with finding a new roommate. And then all the issues with Rory..." her voice trailed off.

She felt sorry for me. Here she was, married and pregnant with her first child.

She already had everything I had ever wanted.

And I just kept losing roommate after roommate as everyone around me got engaged and married.

But never me. I had thought all my closest friends getting married was hard.

Watching them all have babies suddenly seemed a lot harder.

I was falling further and further behind.

And after I tell Rory about the articles I had written about him, I'd be back to square one again.

The thought of losing him actually made my heart hurt.

And not only would I lose the guy I was in love with, he'd probably move out and I'd need to find another roommate on top of my heartbreak.

I wanted to be happy for Emily. I so badly wanted to be happy.

But I was jealous. I was jealous of my best friend for being pregnant.

What is wrong with me? I shook the thought away.

Stop being so dramatic. Be happy for her.

"I'm so happy for you," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

"Thanks, Keira." She hugged me again. "But I seriously have to finish getting ready. Jim hates when I'm late. And this is probably the last time I'm going to look this good for a while." Emily laughed and pulled away.

"Okay, okay. I'm going. Congratulations, Emily."

***

It was hard to separate my feelings for Rory from the fact that I was falling behind all my friends.

I suddenly felt old and desperate. Do I just think I'm in love with him because I so badly want to be in love?

I shook my head. I didn't think so. I really hadn't felt this way with anyone else before.

But what did I really even know about him?

I stood up and started pacing back and forth in my room. I had to tell him about the articles. Thinking about how I felt was just going to make it harder when he said he no longer wanted anything do with me. How I felt. Oh my God!

I ran to my computer and opened up my email thread with Judy.

I scrolled through the emails until I came across the one she had deemed boring and unsexy.

And there it was. Everything that I had wanted to say to Rory but couldn't. It was more now.

Because I wasn't just falling for him anymore.

I had already fallen...toppled down the stairs head first for this boy.

And this explained all of that. The piece that got rejected.

I quickly printed it out, slipped it in an envelope, and wrote Rory on the front of it.

No matter how much closer we got, I was still awkward around him.

He still made me nervous every time I saw him.

I wasn't sure if those butterflies would ever go away.

I sighed and sat down on my bed. Somehow letting him know what I wanted to write made the whole situation seem better.

Even if the original words were full of confessions about falling for him.

I'd feel so much better after he knew the truth.

And if he didn't care, really didn't care, and forgave me right away.

..he really could be the one. He was funny, and smart, and sexy. God was he sexy.

I heard the front door open and close. This is it.

I didn't want it to wait until morning. I wanted to do it right now.

And then do him. Oh please God don't let this morning be the last time he looks at me like that.

I glanced in the mirror. You can do this.

Everyone did stupid shit. Writing about him was a mistake.

And I was done. The segment was done. People don't usually do shit this stupid.

I gripped the envelope in my hand and left my room. Rory wasn't in the kitchen. I turned the corner and screamed. There were two people making out on my couch.

"Oh, Keira, shit." Connor stood up.

"Oh my God, it's just you. Connor, you almost gave me a heart attack." I took a deep breath to calm down. But then I realized that I shouldn't have to. He shouldn't just keep showing up like this. "What are you doing here?"

Connor laughed. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't realize that you'd be home." He scratched the back of his neck. "You remember Julie."

I had been too scared to even realize that my friend from college was the one he was making out with.

"Oh, geez, Julie. Hi, it's been forever."

"Hi, Keira. I'm sorry, Connor said no one would be here. We may have had a little bit too much to drink. And..."

"And decided to bang on my couch?"

"Rory's couch," Connor said. He looked embarrassed. "And we were only kissing."

"I'm really sorry to break this up, but I'm going to need that key back Connor. All you've been using it for is scaring me to death."

"I really am sorry, Keira. I wouldn't have come if I thought you were going to be here."

"Why do you keep saying that? Of course I was going to be here.

It's my apartment, not yours." I was so full of emotions tonight.

I just felt like exploding. I was jealous of Emily, yet so happy for her.

And I was worried about what Rory was going to say to me when we talked.

And my heart hurt already. Because most of all I was full of love.

And I was terrified of losing that feeling.

Everything was just too much for me to handle. I couldn't deal with Connor right now.

He just stared at me.

"Seriously, why did you think I wouldn't be here?"

"I don't know..."

"Connor." Something was wrong. He looked so guilty. What was he hiding from me? "Connor, tell me!"

"Rory said he was going on a date tonight." Connor's voice was soft. "I just figured he meant with you."

I looked down at the envelope in my hands.

Of course. His plans were with another girl.

The next girl. The one he'd tell Jackson about first. I had tried to play with a player and failed miserably.

Instead of making him change his ways, I had fallen in love with him.

And he was probably sleeping with someone else right now.

"Keep the key, Connor," I said. I walked over to the front door and opened it. "I'm not going to be needing it anymore."

"Keira?"

I walked out of the apartment.

"Keira, wait!"

I slammed the door behind me.