Page 126 of Forbidden Billionaires, Vol. 9

His family? I was his family. Why did he always say stuff like that?

Could he not hear himself speak? I wiped my cheek as a tear slowly fell.

This conversation was as awful for me as it was for him.

Earlier this summer I promised myself I was done with him.

But here I was, trying to cater to his insanity.

Letting him belittle me. “I didn’t say anything rude to her.

I just asked her to put you on the phone. That was it.”

“Well it must have been your tone. You’ve always had a problem with your tone.”

Did I? I wiped more tears off my cheeks. That was the first time I’d ever heard about it. But it probably was true around him and his family . Talking to Nancy was like talking to a Barbie doll with her head cut off. Perfect on the outside but clearly no brain because of the no head thing.

Kristen, Reggie, and J.J. were staring at me.

I couldn’t do this in front of them. I didn’t want them to see me like this.

My father made me feel weak and small. That wasn’t the person I was here.

I had worked hard all summer to make sure of it.

And if I stood up here another second in the stifling heat, I was going to pass out.

I dropped my putter and made my way back down to the crowded boardwalk.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” I wasn’t. Maybe my tone had been rude, but had he ever heard his wife speak to me? She was the epitome of rudeness, at least where I was concerned.

“You should be.”

I rolled my eyes. Such an asshole. I tried to lift my shoulders. He was not going to break me in this conversation. I refused to let him. “I’m calling about tuition. There’s been a problem with the payment to the University of New Castle?”

“The University of New Castle? You go to SMU.”

Someone bumped into me on the boardwalk and I almost dropped my phone. “I used to. But I told you I was transferring. I forwarded you the email a few weeks ago.”

“I never check my personal email. I’m a busy man, Mila.”

Too busy for his own daughter? “Can you please send the payment tonight? There’s an online portal…”

“I already did.”

What? I really was awful on the phone. I had no idea what he was talking about. “But you said you didn’t send tuition to the University of New Castle.”

“Because I already sent it to SMU.”

“Dad.” I felt like a wave had just crashed down on top of me.

“What are you talking about? I asked you not to send it.” I pushed through more people until I was on the sand.

Usually stepping onto the beach was relaxing but the sand was too hot tonight.

The beach was too crowded. Everything felt wrong.

“I don’t remember all that,” he said. “You mentioned you were on vacation somewhere this summer or something. Mila, I really need to go.”

“I’m not on vacation. I moved here for the summer because I hate California. I hate it there. I can’t go back.”

“Tuition’s already been paid.”

“Then un-pay it.”

“That’s not how it works. You’ll be fine. Chin up, Mila.”

Tears were currently dripping down my chin. “Chin up? Are you serious? Did you not hear a word of what I said the last time I called?”

“I was busy. I was in the middle of a game with my daughter.”

“ I’m your daughter. Me. Just because you left my mom doesn’t mean I’m not your blood!”

“We all make mistakes. Marrying your mother was mine.”

There was a double meaning to that. If marrying my mother was a mistake, that meant having me was too. My tears started falling faster. I couldn’t be strong when I talked to him. He had this way of making me feel weaker than ever.

“Maybe leaving SMU would have been yours,” he said. “So…you’re welcome.”

“I’m miserable in California, Dad. I told you all this before. I don’t have a single friend. I…”

“Make friends then. If you’re having trouble doing that then maybe you need to take a good look at yourself.”

What the hell did that mean? “My friends are here. My life is here.”

“Lives aren’t built around summers. They’re built around hard work and dedication.”

Dedication? Who was he to say life was built on dedication? He certainly wasn’t dedicated to my mom when he cheated on her. Or me when he left. “There has to be something we can do. If I call admissions…”

“I’m not going through that hassle just because you like the east coast more than the west coast. You need to grow up.”

He wasn’t listening to me. “I was depressed, Dad. I felt like a ghost. I couldn’t eat or sleep. My grades started to slip because I couldn’t focus. I’ve never been so miserable in my life.” Listen to me. Hear what I’m saying. Help me.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I have to go…”

“The last time I was that down was when you left in the middle of the night. Do you know how much that hurt me? How much it hurt Mom?” My voice cracked on “mom.” He had hurt both of us.

My mom dealt with it by flitting through relationships.

And me? Clearly I hadn’t learned to deal with it at all.

Or else I wouldn’t be standing on the beach sobbing all alone.

“I’m not having this conversation with you, Mila. It’s been years. Get over it.”

“How am I supposed to get over it if you won’t talk to me? You can’t erase me, Dad. You can’t undo me just because I was a mistake. For once in your life would it hurt you to care?”

“Excuse me?”

“I need you. I need you to help me figure out how to fix this mess. Please. Don’t you care about me at all?”

“Go to SMU or don’t. That choice is yours. But I have a reservation I’m going to be late for. And please do not call this number again, we’ve talked about this. Nancy is right. This needs to stop. For good this time.”

“Fuck you.” The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them.

But once they were out there, at least I could stand up a little taller.

Despite the tears streaming down my cheeks and the sobs escaping my throat, I’d finally told my dad how I felt.

I’d finally stood up to him. And seriously, he deserved it. Fuck him.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he said and hung up.

I let my hand drop to my side. That was it. My relationship with my own father boiled down to two words at the end. No “I love you.” Just a goodbye “fuck you.” I didn’t deserve that. Not from the man in my life that I was supposed to look up to. Not from anyone.

“Mila?”

I turned around to see J.J. staring at me. How much of that conversation had he heard? Did he think I was a monster from the way I spoke to my father? Would he leave me too?

But he closed the distance between us without waiting for me to say anything at all. He held me as I cried ugly tears. Snot dripping onto his shoulder ugly tears. He held me until I couldn’t cry anymore.

“It’s okay,” he finally said as he rubbed his hand up and down my back. “We’ll figure it out.”

I cringed, knowing he’d pretty much heard the entire conversation. “It’s not okay.” I rubbed the evidence of tears and snot off my face with the back of my hand. “He sent my tuition to SMU. It’s too late. I have to go back.”

“Then come to New York with me. Screw California. You can start a restaurant without a degree.” Those words maybe would have been enough for someone else.

He believed in me. He wanted me to live in New York with him.

But all I heard was that he didn’t want to do long distance.

And it was easy to fixate on that because I’d lived a life without love.

And for once in my life I needed the words.

If he wanted me to move to NYC with him, I needed to know exactly how he felt about me.

I pulled back at him and just stared into his ocean blue eyes.

Say it, J.J. Of all people, he knew what I needed.

He knew me. And yet…he didn’t say anything at all.

“You could come to Cali,” I said. Him dropping everything and moving with me?

If he couldn’t say the words out loud, he could show me that he loved me. It felt like the only way.

“I have a great job lined up, Mila. I can’t just drop everything and go to California with you. My life is here.”

Without me. I tried not to start bawling again.

I hugged him again, trying to hide my face from him.

What it came down to was that he wasn’t willing to change his plans for me.

So why should I be willing to change my plans for him?

I needed to find the strength to put myself first. For once in my life I needed to realize that I was important.

I mattered. Because I was the only person capable of believing in myself.

“And I can’t go to New York,” I said into his neck. “I have to finish school.”

He didn’t say anything back. He didn’t have to.

J.J. could do long distance if it wasn’t quite that far away.

Weekend train rides back and forth between Delaware and New York was as far as he was willing to go.

But I was about to head back to the west coast for a whole year. With no money to visit him.

It didn’t matter that he held me a little tighter as we stood there.

It didn’t matter that this was the best summer of my life.

All that mattered was that he’d warned me right from the start.

He didn’t do long distance. And I was supposed to be putting myself first this summer.

I just didn’t realize how much it was going to hurt.