Page 39

Emily

The soft morning light spills through the crack in my curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. I stretch slowly, still cocooned in the afterglow of last night. My body aches in the best way, and I feel... peaceful.

Until I realize Jackson’s not here.

My heart plummets, a sickening feeling of emptiness spreading through me. He knows today is my twenty-first birthday and the day we find out if we're mates. So why isn’t he here? Especially after last night. He said he loved me. That he wouldn’t leave me.

So why isn’t he here? Was it all a lie? Does he even care?

I rub a hand against the ache in my chest. Taking deep breaths I try to refocus my mind rather than falling down the rabbit hole of Aidan’s voice in my head.

I bring my focus back to the present—what I can see, what I can feel.

The soft sheets. The light on the wall. But it’s not working.

Anxiety gnaws at me and my skin feels too tight.

I stay in bed for another hour, waiting, hoping. But I need to accept the obvious; he isn’t coming.

Maybe something happened with John yesterday. I’m being selfish and self-centered. I need to stop this. It’s just another day, even if it feels like everything could change. Something more important must have come up.

Anything is more important than a worthless bitch like you. I told you no one else would want you except me.

I let out a sigh and begin getting ready for my day. It’s getting late, so I can try to catch Sofia after warrior training. The warriors are just finishing up as I approach the training hall, sweat-slick and chatting as they file out the doors. No Sofia. No Jackson.

“Hey Mike, have you seen Sofia?” I ask, trying to sound casual.

“Not today, but then it was Luca leading training this morning,” he says with a grin and a wink.

I nod, forcing a smile that feels paper thin.

On a different day, I might have laughed and joked with him.

But right now, her lack of attendance only highlights that Jackson wasn’t at training either. So where is he?

Probably moved on to someone who isn’t such a whore.

I walk towards his cabin while questions and fears race around in my head.

Aidan’s voice is growing louder and more insistent.

I knock at the door and wait anxiously for Jackson to answer as dread settles into my stomach.

I’m about to walk away when the door opens, revealing a disheveled Jackson who has clearly just woken up.

“Emily, hey, I’m so sorry I didn’t come back. Ryan made me join them and, uh, I’ve had a lot on my mind.” He rubs his eyes and then runs his hands through his already messy hair.

That’s when I know. The scent is the same. Still comforting, still familiar—but it’s not any different from how it was yesterday. He isn’t my mate.

A solitary tear rolls down my cheek as I turn to walk away before my sorrow swallows me whole. I take a step back. “Okay.”

“Emily, wait!” He calls after me while grabbing my hand.

“It’s okay, Jackson. I get it.”

“Get what? What are you talking about?”

“We’re not mates.”

Jackson’s eyes bulge and his mouth drops. “Today is your birthday,” he rasps, slapping his hand over his face. “I’m so sorry, babe. My head is a mess, and I forgot. Can we go inside to talk?”

I don’t need to hear this. I don’t need to listen as he explains going from telling me he loved me last night to not wanting me at all today now that we aren’t mates and he has seen how much of a slut I am.

The things we did last night. How I acted.

It felt empowering at the time but in the cold light of day, it’s shame that I'm filled with.

Shaking my head as I try to hold back the tears that are welling up. “We aren’t mates. I need to be alone, Jackson.”

“Emily, no —listen to me. This isn’t about us not being mates. I love you and I’m so sorry that I fucked up this morning. I can’t explain it right now, but I promise it's not that I don’t care.”

I freeze. “You still love me?” I ask, my voice cracking as the tears flow freely.

He sweeps his arm under my legs and picks me up. He carries me inside as I sob into his shoulder, letting myself feel safe for just a second, even though I know it can’t last.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

He sets me gently on the counter and moves around the kitchen, clattering dishes, making coffee. But he’s jumpy. Stiff. His fresh, earthy scent is becoming increasingly bitter. He’s hiding something. Something he's not saying.

My tears ease as I wait. Apprehension suffocates me as I try to guess what it might be if his feelings for me haven’t changed. He hands me my cup—just how I like it. Then adds caramel and vanilla syrup to his own. I watch him as he steps between my legs and meets my eyes.

“Emily… this has nothing to do with us, okay? We will figure things out. There’s some stuff going on that I can’t talk about right now, and I need you to trust me on this.”

“Okay… I believe you. But, Jackson, I have a problem.”

“What is it?”

“You aren’t my mate, which means Aidan could be.”

His expression hardens. My hands tremble and shake so much; I have to put my coffee down. “If he is my mate, he will be able to find me through the mate bond. He could already be on his way.” Jackson steps back and paces back and forth. His mind whirring as he processes my words.

“I have to leave,” I continue. “Will you… will you come with me?”

Jackson’s handsome face is a mask of anguish, his strong features twisted in pain. “I can’t. I can’t leave the pack. There’s so much going on and I have a duty here. But it’ll be okay. You don’t have to leave. I’ll keep you safe.”

Jackson is a good man. Maybe too good. He has always been clear that the pack comes first. I can’t fault him for his loyalty. And yet, my heart sinks with the realization that even though he loves me, it’s not enough.

I’m not enough.

But I can’t blame him for that. Wolves are pack animals. Leaving the pack is a huge decision. Part of me wishes I hadn’t gotten closer to him, but the other part wouldn’t change it for the world.

“I don’t want you or anyone else to get caught between Aidan and me. I couldn’t cope if you got hurt trying to protect me. But I’m still too close to Blood Moon. The only way I can guarantee he won’t find me is if I’m far enough that he can’t track me.”

“No, this doesn’t make sense. You can’t leave on your own. How is that safer than staying here? Ryan will let you join the pack officially. You don’t need to leave.”

“I do. I can't stay here. Maybe I would be safer here than alone, but the pack won’t be if Aidan finds me here. I won’t put anyone else in danger. Surely you can understand that? ”

I need him to stop making this harder. My wolf howls in pain at the thought of never seeing him again, mourning the bond we were so sure we would have. But at least he will be safe without me here. I don’t have a choice, and I wish he could see that.

“Please don’t go,” he pleads. “Let’s just take a minute to think this through.”

“There’s no time. He might already be on the way.”

He lets out a huff of bitter laughter. “How is it that I have been living for this pack for the past seven years and now that I’m finally ready to be happy, I need to be here more than ever?”

I don’t understand what he means by that. There’s something he’s not telling me. He said as much. But I don’t have time to figure that out. The mate bond can be traced if you know who to look for. If it is Aidan, he would have been able to track me from the moment I woke this morning.

He might not be my mate, he definitely shouldn’t be. If Jackson has shown me anything, it’s that I deserve better. But I can’t take the risk. I need to get as far away as possible.

“If you’re ready to be happy, then why not come with me? We could be happy together.”

“I can’t ,” he growls, slamming his fist on the kitchen counter so hard it cracks. I flinch, unsure of my safety around him for the first time since we got together. “The pack comes first.”

His words slice through me. The finality of his tone leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I was so sure that Jackson saw the real me and cared about me. But I would never have turned him away like this. I would have gone anywhere with him if it ensured his safety.

I don’t need to make a fool of myself. I thought there was more to it with us. That I was more important to him. But I was obviously wrong. So wrong.

I slide off the counter, heart cracking open as fresh tears form in my eyes. “I need to say goodbye to Sofia.” My heart shatters more with each word. All the hope and promise of a better future with the man I’ve fallen in love with slips further away.

“Em—”

“I’ll find you before I leave,” I say without looking back.

I sprint from the cabin. The ache in my chest is unbearable, and I can’t stay another second longer. I can’t hear him explain putting the pack first, even though I know it makes sense. It’s the same thing I’m trying to do. I’m not worth the drama or the potential danger of Aidan coming here.

All I want is to go back to last night. To that point, after he told me he loved me and before he left. I let out a long, shaky exhale, trying to hold in my tears. I walk away in a daze, unable to think straight.

“Hey, birthday girl!” Sofia’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

“Heard you were looking for... hey, what’s wrong?

What happened last night? Ryan said you were safe, but wouldn’t tell me anything else.

” The concern in her voice is another reminder of how much I wish staying was an option.

Sofia’s become such a genuine friend, and I’ll miss her so much.