Page 31

Emily

My room, once cozy, is now too small. The sound of my breathing is magnified, echoing in my ears.

I can’t shake the nervous energy coursing through my body.

The scent of anxiety hangs in the air, mingling with the aroma of lemon and green tea from the mug I’m clutching.

Each passing second is like an eternity, intensifying the prickling sensation on my skin.

I can’t help but wonder what awaits me on my call with Maya today.

I didn’t have time to panic yesterday because Sofia sprung it on me with so little time.

But today? Today I’m a mess. My skin crawls like something is trying to escape from underneath.

I haven’t seen Jackson yet today either and the realization that my mood is already so tied up with seeing him hits me like a lead balloon.

Such a pathetic little bitch. So fucking needy.

That inner voice has my mind spiraling and all of those techniques we discussed yesterday are a distant memory.

“Hello Emily, good to see you again,” Maya says as our call connects, interrupting my descent into self-loathing.

“I’m not sure where to start today. I’m really nervous,” I confide, my voice shaky and small. Although getting those words out has the nervous energy easing a little.

“That’s okay. It's hard to know where to start, especially as this is all so new for you. Yesterday, we looked at an overview of the relationship with Aidan. How about today we look at the aspects of your current life most impacted by your past relationship in the here and now?”

“Like how I act when his voice pops into my head?” I ask quietly.

“Yes, exactly. That’s a great place to start.”

“Um, okay,” I stutter as heat blooms in my cheeks. It happened only moments ago, but honestly, that wasn’t the worst time for Aidan’s voice to echo in my mind. I’m not used to talking about sex, but I guess this is the one person I can talk to without worrying .

With Jackson, I worry he will think I’m broken and then it feels a little unfair to tell Sofia if I haven’t told him. But Maya is impartial. And she doesn’t seem to judge.

“This is kind of embarrassing, but can I talk about sex stuff?”

“Absolutely,” Maya says without hesitation. “You can talk about anything here.”

I almost laugh at how untrue that is. But that’s not fair to Maya. It’s not her fault that she’s human and has no idea that wolf shifters exist.

“Okay, well, sex with Aidan wasn’t very, um, enjoyable.”

Maya’s expression softens, her almond eyes focusing on me without judgment. “Did he force you, Emily?”

“No, not like that. He never held me down or anything like that. It was just that I knew I couldn’t say no because then he would hurt me.” I take a breath as a memory comes to the forefront of my mind.

“What fucking good are you to me if you can’t even spread your legs when I want you?

You should be thanking me for still wanting your used-up, loose cunt when I could have any girl in the pack.

” Spittle flew from Aidan’s lips as he screamed in my face.

One of his large hands around my neck—choking me—while he repeatedly slammed me back into the wall.

The impact of each blow reverberated through my skull, causing sharp bursts of pain and blurring my vision.

“Fucking pathetic,” he snarled before dropping me in a heap and storming out of the room.

I didn’t say no the next time.

I shake my head as the memory fades to black, but the feeling of complete fear remains. My hands tremble and my mouth goes dry. I glance around, like Aidan could jump out at me at any moment.

“Emily,” Maya says gently, “he didn’t need to hold you down to force you. Coercive control can be just as damaging—sometimes more so. It’s where one person uses tactics like manipulation, threats, isolation, or abuse to dominate and control another person. It’s still abuse.”

I hold my breath, trying to believe her words. And some of the fear ebbs away.

“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say no if you didn’t have the freedom to do so. Consent only counts if it’s enthusiastic and freely given.” Maya’s voice is gentle yet firm and leaves no room for argument.

My breath comes out in a shaky exhale.

“It wasn’t just when he wanted something that I didn’t that it was a problem. Or that still is, I guess. He wanted sex to be the same way, him on top, over quickly, no enjoyment for me. He was always clear that I wasn’t meant to like it and if I tried to, that made me a whore. And I believed him.”

I glance at Maya’s shocked expression before she quickly schools her features. Her face changed so rapidly that I don’t think a human would have even noticed. But I see it.

“So now, with Jackson… he is the opposite. He wants to make me happy and my pleasure seems to be paramount to him. He pays attention. And it’s so good. But then I hear Aidan’s voice again, telling me I’m disgusting. That I’m used up. And that Jackson will figure it out soon.”

Tears flow freely while I talk about my fears. The ones Aidan ingrained in me and living in Blood Moon reinforced.

Maya listens, she never judges and never blames me for my physical displays of feelings or what Aidan would have called emotional outbursts.

He always hated my tears. And then she does something completely unexpected.

She tells me I’m right to feel this way.

I gape at her, confused and unsure how to proceed.

Does she think Jackson will see how much better he could do than me, too?

“What I mean, Emily, is that you have been in a horrible, traumatic, and dangerous situation. Your brain is trying to keep you safe by reminding you of the potential for others to treat you awfully.”

“You don’t think I’m being stupid?”

“No, I most certainly do not. I think you’re wrong , but I don’t think you’re stupid.

I wish there was a magic way of knowing if you could trust a person, but there isn’t.

And you are not stupid for being cautious of new relationships.

The only way to know that Jackson isn’t like Aidan is to pay attention. ”

“To what?” I got it so wrong with Aidan.

It feels like something is cracking open in my chest—something tender and raw.

In the beginning, I assumed his strength and dominance would keep me safe, not be turned against me.

All of my attention to detail was aimed at keeping him happy, but it was never good enough.

“There’s no one answer,” Maya admits. “But you can look for signs. You don’t have to answer now, but ask yourself: How does he treat people who are weaker than him?

How does he act when he’s angry? Does he apologize when he hurts someone—even by accident?

What do others say about him? How does he react when you say no or assert a boundary? ”

As Maya asks these questions, I analyze my answers for both Aidan and Jackson, and it further highlights their differences. Even when Jackson feared I could be a threat to the pack, he was never cruel. Abrupt and standoffish, sure. But never unkind.

And he’s never forced anything. Even when I’ve pushed him. Even when I’ve panicked mid-kiss. Even when I’ve sobbed and pulled away. He’s just remained steady and secure.

“Your smile suggests those answers might align in a positive light?”

“Yeah, I think they might,” I reply with a smile.

The rest of the session moves gently. Maya helps me recognize when my thoughts are distorted by trauma and shows me how to question those spirals. She doesn’t rush me. Or tell me to let it go. Instead, she gives me paths—choices. The power to decide what comes next.

Maya would make an amazing Luna if she was a shifter. But maybe that’s why humans have therapists. They don’t have packs to hold them through the hard things.