Page 22

Emily

I rush back to the pack house and slam my door when I get to my room.

He is driving me insane.

The way he pressed himself against me, the way his hardness felt against my core.

The hunger in his eyes as he gazed at me like he was starving for me.

And more shocking than him wanting me… I wanted him too.

There was no fear. I wanted more. I wanted him to fuck me against that wall in the training center and I didn’t care in the slightest who walked in.

Until I did.

I strip off my clothes and walk into the shower before the water has even fully heated. My nipples are stiff peaks, and my pussy is throbbing with a need I’ve never felt before. Even before Aidan turned violent, sex was never something I really enjoyed.

He always told me that sex was about the male; it was for his benefit, not mine. That I didn’t deserve to feel good. He told me that wanting to try new things made me a cheap slut. And I believed him. For too long. But I don’t want to anymore.

Because now my body is buzzing. And I think if I let him, Jackson could show me a whole other version of what sex could be. One where pleasure isn’t something to be punished for. One where I don’t feel dirty for wanting it.

My fingers draw closer to my pussy, and I press two fingers gently inside myself before dragging my wetness to my clit.

I rub slow, tentative circles—trying to figure out what feels good—while remembering Jackson pressed against me.

That woodsy, addictive scent of his. The heat of his hard, muscular body.

The fierce, wild way his eyes bore into mine.

An unfamiliar tightening grows in my lower stomach and my muscles tense. Something builds inside me as my breath turns into shallow pants .

I’ve never touched myself like this before; Aidan would have been so angry. He would have called me names and hurt me. He would’ve said… Look at you, you stupid whore. Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to feel good. You don’t deserve it.

His voice cuts through my mind like glass. And just like that, it’s as if I’ve been doused with a bucket of ice water The moment is over. Good feelings are gone. I want to scream.

What am I doing? I could have gone there with Jackson earlier.

I wanted to. Goddess, I wanted him so much.

But then, just like a moment ago, Aidan’s voice was in my head.

Such a fucking slut. You think he’ll still want you after you’ve let him fuck you?

No one would want a used-up slut like you.

The only reason I do is because you’re my mate.

What if I can’t ever get my head right? It’s as if I’m being pulled apart. Part of me wants Jackson, wants a new future, wants to forget everything from the past. But a big part of me is terrified I can’t .

I sink to the floor of the shower, letting my tears flow freely long past when the water turns cold. Aidan was always so good at getting into my head; twisting everything until I questioned my own sanity. It felt like I was losing my mind.

And now, even though he’s not here, it’s like he lives in my mind.

His words, his rage, every cruel insult carved into me like scars no one can see.

His voice lies in wait, ready to point out my flaws and tell me how I don’t deserve happiness.

Every insult and every awful thing he ever said to me has burrowed into my mind.

Waiting for the first opportunity to pounce and pull me down.

I wrap myself in a towel when I finally drag myself out of the water and sit on my bed instead of the shower floor. All those building sensations and desires completely snuffed out. My body’s still. I feel hollow. Numb.

Will I ever be able to be normal again?

Sofia and I arrive at a diner in the nearby human town.

My hands are clammy, my heart racing. It catches me off guard—this anxiety about leaving the pack grounds.

When did this place become my safe haven?

My nerves ease when Sofia points out that two warriors—Mike and Simon—have been trailing me on Jackson’s orders .

She waves them over with a grin and insists they join us for a milkshake. And once we all share a laugh about the terrible spying job they were doing, it’s actually fun. I won’t even begin to ponder the implications of warriors following me since my arrival.

Sofia knows all the warriors, including these two, and they seem to be infatuated with her. I don’t blame them. She’s kind of impossible not to love.

And I’m just... soaking it in. Sitting with people my age, no pressure, no expectations of me being responsible for how someone else feels.

No one treating me like a problem to manage.

It feels so normal it almost hurts. Sofia has welcomed me since day one, but this is different.

I’m part of a group. Like, maybe I could be a part of the pack here.

“Oh my goddess, Simon!” Sofia screeches with laughter. “You cannot bring that up!”

“Hey if the pack princess wants to skinny dip in the lake, then you need to expect that to be in literally everyone’s spank banks,” responds Simon. My face heats furiously. But Sofia just laughs louder, and I love that. I love how unapologetically real she is.

“Hey in my defense… it was stupid hot the summer after we finished school,” Sofia offers with a shrug. The whole table erupts in laughter again, and it’s so wonderfully carefree.

“What’s your excuse for that time you joined cheerleading and had to pretend you had been in gymnastics since you were three?” Mike asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, how else was I supposed to explain my natural talent?” Sofia asks in mock seriousness.

“Uh, you could have not joined a human sport like the rest of us,” Mike says before explaining pack rules to not join human sports at the risk of drawing unnecessary attention.

It makes sense. Shifters are already so much more attractive than most humans and obviously faster, stronger, and more agile.

Playing sports against them would be risky for both them and us.

“Yeah, but I toned it down until I was only a little better than them. Which was a lot harder than it looked, by the way.” Sofia shrugs her shoulders and slurps her milkshake loudly. “And totally worth it to piss off Ryan and Luca.”

Mike groans. “Luca almost combusted when you walked into the pack house in that little cheer uniform.”

“I thought I was literally going to drop dead in training for the next few weeks,” Simon agrees, dropping his head to the table. “I’m tired again just remembering it.”

“How long have you guys been warriors?” I ask .

“Well, we’re both twenty-two, so joined patrol officially four years ago, but we did part-time training before that too.”

“This one,” Mike says while nodding to Sofia, “can still kick all of our asses, though.” There’s a reverence to how they speak about Sofia. I still can’t believe she wants me as her friend.

On the drive back to the pack, my sides ache from laughing and I feel a lightness that I can’t remember ever experiencing before. It's free and easy.

“You’re kind of a rock star,” I tease. “Those guys were fangirling all over you.”

“Yeah, being an alpha female is weird,” she laughs and rolls her eyes. “Like I can take any of them down. It’s hard to imagine that my mate could be any of the warriors, unless, um...” she trails off.

“What is it?” I ask, confused by Sofia’s out of character shift to uncertainty. She’s chewing on her lip, and her eyes are laser focused on the road for a few moments before she responds.

“Can I tell you something?” She asks before darting her eyes in my direction. “But you can’t tell anyone?”

“Of course,” I agree instantly, sitting up straighter. I would love nothing more than to be able to support Sofia for a change. To be there for her with something that’s obviously a big deal.

“So, okay…well, I’ve never told anyone in the pack this before. I’m bisexual.”

“Okay, and…?”

“Okay?” she echoes, confused.

“Yeah, okay. I’m not sure what I’m meant to say so I’m sorry if this is the wrong response, but you didn’t tell me anything that changes how I feel towards you.

So, you like males and females? Not a big deal.

Who you like doesn’t make you any less my favorite shifter in the world.

Honestly, I kinda wished I liked girls myself, but unfortunately not. ” I say with a wistful sigh.

“Seriously?” Sofia asks with a laugh, but she also swipes her eyes and I’m pretty sure she was ready for a very different response.

My heart hurts for her that she could believe that her sexuality would have anyone seeing her any differently.

“Okay, I think I might have been building up this whole coming-out thing!”

“And you haven’t told anyone? Not even your brother?”

“No one in the pack,” she says as she blows out a breath. “I’ve dated guys and girls before, but mostly humans and never seriously. I guess I wanted to wait for my mate before any real feelings developed. And I’ve always kept my dating life totally secret because Ryan and Luca would have flipped.”

“So, what happens if your mate is female?”

“I guess I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes.

But the thing I’m most afraid of is that I don’t think my mate is in Lunar Eclipse.

And that means I might have to leave at some point.

” Her knuckles whiten as she grips the steering wheel and stares out towards the road.

I reach out and place my hand on her knee while she drives.

I hate how she has to worry about this, but I love getting to be there for her for a change.

“How long until you turn twenty-one?” I ask.

“A little over a month, September twentieth.”

“Okay, well, that’s a minimum of five weeks before you can identify your mate and know either way; no point worrying about something that might never happen. And I don’t know your brother, but from what you’ve told me, you guys are super close, right?”

“Yeah, we always were, but we’ve gotten especially close over the past few years after Mom left us and never looked back, and Dad, well, he’s still around, but he might as well not be.

” Her voice is flat when she mentions her parents and I make a mental note to check in more about them in the future.

But right now, they aren’t what she is worried about.

“I’m sorry about your parents,” I whisper. “Do you think Ryan would let you go somewhere bad?”

“I don’t know. He’s more obsessed with the mate bond than anyone I’ve ever met,” she groans and then goes quiet for a beat. “Thanks for listening. It probably seems like such a minor issue compared to your experiences.”

“No, not at all! It’s not small. It’s real. And I get it—you love your home. It’s not easy to leave a place where you finally feel like you belong.”

“I just can't see myself as a luna, you know? It's fine helping Ryan out until he finds his mate but it just doesn't feel like me. And the thought of doing it for another pack is so far from the future I want.”

“Makes sense. Even if I do think you would be amazing at anything you do. Plus Lunar Eclipse does seem pretty great, I can see why you wouldn't want to leave.”

“Soooo, does that mean you're considering staying?” Sofia asks, her voice laced with optimism, and I can’t help but smile at the feeling of being wanted.

“Um, I don’t know. I really like it here, but I’m afraid to settle down any more than I already have in case I need to run again. And I hate the thought of leaving you already, so it’s scary to think of getting closer to you… or Jackson.”

“Wait,” she says, noticeably perking up. “Did something happen between you two?”

“Um, yeah. A couple of things might have happened,” I say while staring upward at the car’s roof. I inhale deeply, trying to calm the nerves that erupt when I recall this morning’s events. “We might have been a little naked together and maybe he might have kissed my neck a bit,” I blurt out.

“ WHAT ?” Sofia shrieks while slamming on the brakes so hard that we’re thrown forward. “Way to bury the lead girl! Jeez.” We both dissolve into a fit of giggles until I remember that I’m going to have to face him again tomorrow.

“Um, yeah, so I’m going to need you to come to training with me tomorrow and run interference.” Sofia agrees instantly, and I suspect she is enjoying this way too much. But I won’t question her; I’ll take the backup whatever way I can get it.