Page 25
“Is this okay?” he asks, and I nod against his chest. It feels more than okay to be close to him but I appreciate him asking.
“What happened to her? Sarah?”
“I don’t know. She was long gone before the dust settled. A couple of the wolves who attacked died in the attack; others escaped and eluded capture. We never discovered why she did it or what she wanted.”
“And you blame yourself,” I whisper.
“Of course I do; if I hadn’t fallen for her plan, then none of it would have happened. Katie and my mom would still be here.” He speaks calmly, as if resigned to his culpability.
And seeing this good man blame himself, I’m struck by how different he is to Aidan.
Jackson carries the weight of his guilt rather than blaming the female who manipulated him.
He is different from every guy in Blood Moon.
And before I can second-guess it, I cup his face in both hands and stare into his warm brown eyes.
“Someone you thought was meant for you betrayed you. She did something so unthinkable that you couldn’t have possibly seen it coming. It wasn’t your fault.”
His arm lowers to my waist as he pulls me closer to him gently.
And I go willingly, cuddling into him. My wolf purrs, as distressed as she is about his pain, being close to him feels right to both of us.
I wish I could turn my words towards myself and believe them.
He places his warm hands on my thighs, moving up to my hips before pulling me even closer to him.
“Is that what happened to you?” he asks, a steely determination in his gaze. “Were you betrayed?”
“I don’t know how to describe what it was.”
I didn’t plan to tell him about Aidan, but his vulnerability with me encourages me to be honest, too. Perhaps he will understand more than most .
“I grew up in Blood Moon. I was a couple of months off eighteen when the Alpha of all people started showing me interest. He was older, handsome, strong. It was so flattering that he was interested in me . Especially as no male had ever shown an interest in me before.”
“How is that possible?”
I let out a humorless laugh. In retrospect, it seems everything was a manipulation. Aidan orchestrated all of my interactions long before he made his move.
“In hindsight, I think Aidan had made it clear that I was off limits. And, well, he wasn’t bad at first. He took me on dates and complimented me all the time.
The few friends I had weren’t happy about us getting together.
But he convinced me they were just jealous and encouraged me to distance myself.
I thought as long as I had him, it would be fine. ”
The burn of humiliation at what an idiot I had been never eases. How I had ignored all the warnings and red flags because it had been so gratifying to be wanted. How I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to run before he had the chance to sink his claws into me and never look back.
“He asked me to move in the day I turned eighteen and I was thrilled, even though some issues were starting to show up. My mom tried to stop me at first, but again, he convinced me she was holding me back, so I stopped talking to my parents too. And Mom never tried to reach out after I moved in. I didn’t find out until recently that it was because Aidan used his alpha command to force her to stay away. ”
“Fuck,” he sighs as it hits him how alone I was.
“He told everyone that I would be his Luna once I turned twenty-one, and privately, that meant he needed to train me. The training involved controlling everything I did, from my whereabouts to what I wore and ate. By the time I realized I wasn’t happy, I was already so isolated,” I explain.
Jackson tenses and I worry I’m too close to him.
I go to move, but he holds me in place with his firm hand on my hip.
“Please stay. It’s the only thing keeping my wolf calm,” he rasps, gazing at me with a mixture of tenderness and intensity that is both comforting and tempting.
Even though he is holding me to him, somehow I know he wouldn’t stop me if I wanted to leave.
I relax as my body sags, laying my head on his chest.
“He started making comments about how bad I was at keeping the house clean or making meals, how I would be a terrible Luna, and over time it seemed everything that went wrong was somehow my fault. And when it went wrong, he would punish me. ”
Jack inhales sharply, and he drops his head into my hair. I know he’s inhaling my scent, and it seems to help him, but maybe this is too much. “I don’t have to talk about it.”
“Please continue. If you want to tell me, then I want to know,” he whispers into my hair.
“The punishments kept getting worse, more painful, more humiliating. But it was a slippery slope, and I was so used to being blamed that I believed him when he said I made him do it, that I forced him to act that way. I tried so hard to make sure everything was perfect, but he always found something wrong that he could chastise me for and the expectations were always changing.”
My eyelids clamp shut and an icy dread seeps into my bones as the memory threatens to engulf me. Jackson squeezes me close, somehow knowing I need to be grounded in the present.
Aidan’s constant shifting of goalposts played havoc with my sense of stability and self-worth.
It was like the ground beneath my feet was constantly shifting, leaving me unsteady and off-balance.
In a near constant state of anxiety where the stress constantly gnawed at my stomach, twisting it into knots, causing a perpetual feeling of dread.
“I knew I needed to get out the first time he beat me badly—when he broke my ribs and dislocated my shoulder—but I had no idea how. I had no friends, and I barely spoke to my family. I tried to break up with him, but he wouldn’t allow it.
” I say with a shudder as my throat tightens with the memories.
“He… He starved me and beat me over and over again. It was bad. Really bad. I was so scared that he was going to kill me. And he always threatened that he would start punishing me in public if I ever tried to leave again.”
I draw in a rattling breath, steadying myself before continuing. The ever-present shame constricting my chest, like a tight knot I can’t unravel.
“So, I stayed. I learned how to keep him happy and that if I did everything he asked, the punishments weren’t so often. But it wasn’t enough. He had never forced me sexually before, but even that was going to change. And when he started talking about our future pups…”
Jackson rubs circles on my back, keeping me grounded and encouraging me to keep talking.
“And something just snapped in me. I knew that I only had one chance, so I took it. I would kill myself before I ever let him take me back.”
When I finish my story, my eyes are warm with unshed tears and my fists clench tightly. I can’t bring myself to look at Jackson. I’m too afraid of what his reaction will be. He didn’t interrupt my monologue, and I have no idea what he’s thinking.
I know what Aidan would be thinking: Pathetic, weak bitch.
Why did I say all that? I definitely said too much.
The silence stretches to an uncomfortable level and fear creeps up my spine.
He probably doesn’t want to train me anymore.
What’s the point of trying to help me when I’ve spent so long not helping myself?
I slowly sit back to extricate myself from his hold when Jackson’s arms slide to my waist. Next, he raises one hand to my jaw and tilts my face upwards to force eye contact.
“I would kill him before I let him take you back. I would kill anyone who would try to hurt you like that. You did what you had to do to survive, but you’re not alone anymore, I promise.”
He isn’t looking at me softly anymore. The way he looks at me—it’s not pity.
It’s fire. Respect. Protection. Something else I can’t name yet.
Like he somehow understands. And before I know it, I’ve moved even closer, straddling his lap.
My hands are on his face again, his fingers digging gently into my hips.
Everything about him is solid and steady.
I swallow the lump in my throat and heat travels to my core.
We sit there staring at each other as the tension builds.
My breath quickens, and a flush spreads over me.
He tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear before bringing his hand to my jaw.
His thumb brushes over my bottom lip. But as he leans in closer, I panic.
I shoot back to a standing position and wrap my arms around myself. His gaze softens again. “How about I walk you back to your room?” His voice is gentle and completely unexpected.
“You’re going to walk me back? You’re not mad?” I whisper.
Stupid fucking cock tease. Can’t even spread your legs right. Aidan’s voice in my head has me trembling, remembering how completely useless I am. He never forced me physically, but he made sure I knew that there would be consequences for saying no.
“Mad?” His brow furrows. “Of course I’m not mad. You don’t owe me anything, especially not that. Not if you don’t want it.”
Jackson’s voice is soft and calm. So different.
Like now, he finally understands that I can’t help how messed up I am or how my mood flips.
I stare at him, taking him in. His sandy brown hair is a mess.
His brown eyes hold so many things, his fiery determination as much as his kindness and understanding.
His muscular form doesn’t evoke fear in me, but something completely different.
“And what if I do want it?” I ask, unable to stop myself. Because the wetness building in my underwear, the way my nipples have hardened, and the shallow quality of my breathing makes it clear. I want him in a way I thought I wouldn’t ever want anyone again.
“Fuck, Emily,” he groans. “Don't say things like that. I would never want to pressure you, it’s your choice, and you don't have to go there ever if you don't want to. But I need you to know that you consume my every fucking waking moment. Actually you're in all my dreams too. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. And it’s not just about sex and how sweet you smell when you’re dripping wet for me. I want more. I want everything. But only when you’re ready to give it. ”
I stare into his eyes, blinking rapidly. Did he really say that to me? What if I could be with someone else? Someone who wouldn’t hurt me or force me. Someone who wants to make me feel good, feel safe, and find pleasure.
Someone like Jackson. No, not someone like him. Only him.
“Maybe I am ready. Maybe I want everything too.”
“‘Maybe’ won’t cut it. You need to be sure,” he says while standing up and stepping close to my body. “And when you’re ready for me, I’ll be ready to show you exactly how a real male treats his female.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 9
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- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25 (Reading here)
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
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- Page 30
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