Page 38 of Fierce-Jax (Fierce Matchmaking #18)

DOUBT MYSELF

“ J ax,” Gianna said. “You’re back. I missed you!”

Gianna came running to him a few hours later.

Dillion had left after they apologized to each other and explained that she would not do anything right now and wait to see Alec’s mother’s next move.

He processed what she said but didn’t reply. She asked him to come and spend the night at her house but had to return to get Gianna since she hadn’t even told her daughter she was leaving.

“I missed you too,” he said. No reason to comment on returning. He hadn’t asked Dillion what reason she gave for Jax being gone on Saturday morning and maybe a four-year-old didn’t need one given.

“Mommy said you’re having dinner with us. Are you cooking?”

“I can,” he said.

He’d always been of the firm belief that you shared duties like that. Something he did when he was with Dillion.

It wasn’t even planned or assigned; they both jumped up and helped out or did it.

“I want peppers.”

“Peppers?” he asked.

“It’s her new obsession,” Dillion said. “She loves red and orange peppers.”

“That’s all you want?” he asked.

“Yep, peppers,” Gianna said, nodding her head.

“How about we do a steak stir fry with your peppers over rice? Maybe carrots with it?”

Jax didn’t think he’d ever cooked a stir-fry before but could figure it out.

“I want steak too,” Gianna said. “And peppers. Lots and lots of peppers.”

He laughed. “Do you even have lots and lots of peppers?”

“I do when my daughter is on a kick with them,” she said, winking. “And I’ve got a steak in there we can slice thin.”

“This is a first for me. Are you going to walk me through it or let me fail and embarrass myself in front of your daughter?”

Dillion moved over, wrapped her arm around his waist, and pulled him in for a kiss. They rarely showed this much affection in front of Gianna. Only light hugs.

“We can do it together, but I doubt you could fail in her eyes.”

What a sweet thing to say.

“I don’t think you’ll ever fail in hers,” he said.

She snorted. “You weren’t a teenage girl. Every thirteen-year-old girl fights with their mother.”

“Roni didn’t do that too much,” he said.

“That you saw or she told you,” she said, laughing. “My father saw little also.”

“I want a kiss,” Gianna said.

Jax leaned down to see Gianna with her arms stretched up to be lifted.

He didn’t want this to be awkward, but he hadn’t done that yet.

He lifted her and kissed her on the cheek.

“There you go,” he said.

“Right here,” Gianna said, touching her lips.

He had a panic moment. Not everyone thought that was acceptable, least of all when it wasn’t their kid.

He did everything in his life to avoid ever being in an awkward position where someone could blame or judge him.

He had too many eyes on him in his job and in the community.

“Why don’t you give a kiss to Jax,” Dillion said. “He might be shy.”

Gianna moved closer and put her tiny lips on his and he smiled. “Avery kisses her daddy every day when he drops her off,” Gianna said, putting her head on his shoulder.

He was helpless with these two and knew he’d do anything to never lose them.

Dillion ran her hand over her daughter’s head. “That’s nice of Avery’s father to do that.”

“I don’t have a daddy, but I’ve got Grandpa and I’ve got Jax,” Gianna said happily. “My daddy is in heaven.”

“He is,” Dillion said softly.

And because Gianna said it so matter-of-factly, it let him know that Dillion was making the right decision when it concerned her daughter.

“Why don’t I start dinner?” he asked.

It had been an emotional day for him and he could tell one for Dillion too.

“Gianna,” she said, “why don’t you go get one of your puzzles and you can put it together at the table? Dinner won’t take long. Jax and I will make it together.”

“Cuz it’ll be faster?” Gianna asked. “I’m hangry.”

He laughed. “Yes, it will be faster,” he said. “Did I create a monster giving her that word?”

“You did. She says that all the time so now I have no idea how hungry she really is. It’s just her word.”

“Dillion,” he said and pulled her close. “She is such a happy child. I had no right to say what I had. Everything you’re doing, it’s for her, and it’s right. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Including me.”

“Thank you for that,” she said, blinking her eyes. “I doubt myself all the time. It’s nice to hear that I’m not messing my kid up too much.”

“Never. Know I’m here, always.”

“How come you’re not cooking?” Gianna asked when she ran back into the room with her puzzle box.

“Well now, Ms. Bossy. I guess I better get to it.”

Hours later Gianna was in bed and Jax was sitting in the living room.

He’d brought clothes over to stay the night but didn’t normally do it if they had to go to work the next day.

Though they left at the same time, he knew her mother would be here and it’d be awkward.

“It was a good night,” she said. “I didn’t know how it’d be.”

“You thought it’d be awkward?” he asked.

“Didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t sure. I hoped not. But I also know that whatever happens, we can make it work. We just have to be there for the other and know that we are supported.”

“I know you support me,” she said. “And I’ll be there for you. Even when you’ve got a rash.”

“Very funny,” he said.

“Why don’t we lock the house up and go to bed? We can watch TV in there and relax. I know it’s early, but I’m emotionally drained and not even afraid to admit it.”

“I’m glad you feel you can say that to me,” he said.

“I’m not one for keeping secrets. I do know what it feels like to be on the other side of it. This was so personal and hard. Embarrassing too. My career could have been ruined by being tied to him. They could have been looking into me also and the hospital never did. Not once.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” he said.

“They didn’t say a word to me,” she said. “They asked if I knew what was going on and I think my shocked reaction and denial that he could have done that was enough for them to believe me. I believe I was watched carefully while I was there, but then it lessened.”

“You’ve never told anyone that, have you?” he asked.

“No,” she said quietly. “I did my job. I gave no reason for anyone to think otherwise. I was pitied over my circumstances with a young child.”

“Pity would have been worse for you,” he said, pulling her close.

“It was,” she said.

They shut the lights off in the house, set the security system, and climbed the stairs to her room.

She checked in on Gianna while he was getting ready for bed, then joined him there after shutting and locking the door.

“Come here,” he said. “Let me just hold you.”

“No,” she said. “Or you can after, but I need to feel as one with you. It’s stupid, but I want to feel as if the past few days didn’t happen even though I know they did.”

“It’s not stupid,” he said, throwing the covers back.

She climbed in and pulled her tank top off and then pushed off her underwear with it. “I’m on the pill,” she said. “I started taking it two months ago.”

“I’ve only had unprotected sex with two women,” he said. “A long time ago and they were on birth control. I only wanted you to know that I’m clean. No worries there.”

“I wasn’t worried in the least. Jax, you are one of the most responsible people I know.”

“You’re making me sound boring,” he said, flipping her on her back. His hand went between her legs, found her damp, and thrust two fingers in.

She jerked up as if she hadn’t been expecting that from him.

He didn’t want to be the nice guy right now.

The one that was always responsible and did the right thing.

That was romantic and soft and tender.

He wanted to give her something they didn’t normally get to experience.

A little bit of excitement.

A thrill.

He hooked his arm under one of her knees and lifted it up, spreading her wide, then found her opening and slammed in just as fast as he had with her fingers.

She jerked up again, let out a moan, and arched back.

“Again,” she said. “Just like that.”

His hips moved hard into her. The feelings of them skin to skin so deep let him know he might not last as long as he hoped.

But he wanted her to have what she needed.

It wasn’t gentleness.

He didn’t need or want that either.

They needed a fast hurried release.

He was thrusting into her and pulling out all the way, then returning.

Each time she let out another moan, and each time it was louder than the last.

He crushed his mouth to hers, held her pinned down on the bed, and fucked her rather than made love.

Her nails were digging into his ass cheeks, the scratch stinging some but making him continue to pound into her.

He was balanced on one arm so his weight wasn’t crushing her, but he didn’t think she’d mind when her other leg came up and wrapped around his hip.

She was lifting and retreating with him now, rapid deep thrusts as he kept her knee up to her chest.

“I’m going to come,” she said. “Don’t stop what you’re doing for anything.”

It came out almost as a growl. “I can’t even if I want to.”

His voice was foreign to him, almost in pain.

Trying to hold off until she came wasn’t as easy as he hoped.

But she was right that she was close and in the next thrust was arching into him as if her body was contorting into a position most could never achieve.

She was pulsing and throbbing and squeezing him as he came with her.

He finally moved his arm from behind her knee and she laughed and slowly put her leg down. “Oh my God, my leg fell asleep. It doesn’t want to straighten.”

He helped ease it down for her while she moaned and continued to laugh, but then it turned to tears.

“Shit,” he said, jumping back. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she said. “Just hold me. Don’t let me go. Please. Promise me you won’t.”

He held her tight and let her cry until she fell asleep.

“I won’t,” he whispered, but he was positive she didn’t hear it.