Page 37 of Fierce-Jax (Fierce Matchmaking #18)

GET IT OVER WITH

“ Y ou need to apologize to Jax,” her mother said on Sunday afternoon.

Dillion had finally worked up the courage to let her parents know what was going on.

It wasn’t that she was keeping it from them. They knew everything else.

Most of it.

She remembered her mother’s surprise months ago when she said that Alec’s parents didn’t even know she existed.

Her parents didn’t know Alec’s parents weren’t aware she and Gianna existed. They probably just assumed since Alec shut his parents out of his life they chose not to come to the funeral.

Not that Dillion had any way to reach them and didn’t bother to try.

She honored Alec’s wishes there.

“I will,” she said. “But he didn’t have to get so upset with me.”

Her father was sitting in his chair and looked over. “If he didn’t get upset with you I’d think you controlled it all and that’s not good either. At least I know he can put his foot down.”

Her head twitched while she resisted the urge to stick her tongue out like Gianna did at times.

Childish, sure, but she hated when she was wrong and mirrors were being shoved in her face.

“I always knew he could,” she said.

She didn’t expect it’d be like that.

“You hurt him,” her mother said. “You know what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who has secrets. You should have learned from that.”

She ground her teeth. “I wasn’t purposely not telling him about my relationship with Alec. It hadn’t come up. He’s never asked. I told him right away how Alec died. He even admitted he looked him up online.”

“You still could have talked some more about it,” her father said. “Let him know you weren’t crying over the guy. At least not in terms of love. He probably felt he was giving you time to come to terms with being in love with someone else. You don’t know because you never brought it up.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not getting into this with you both again.

I had a complicated relationship with Alec.

I loved him as Gianna’s father. We didn’t plan the pregnancy, but we were making the best of it.

Maybe I felt some guilt that he was doing what he was because he wanted to prove to me he could support us. ”

“Don’t even go there,” her mother snarled. “You’ve never been one to throw your weight or money or background in anyone’s face. Ever. You’d never lord it over anyone either and I refuse to believe you did with Alec.”

“Of course not,” she said loudly. “We even fought over it when I told him who you were, Dad. I don’t know I would have ever told him if I didn’t get pregnant.”

“Because you hadn’t planned on a life with him,” her mother said, crossing her arms.

“No,” she said. “If he hadn’t died, we wouldn’t have stayed together. You know it and I know it. Again, it’s all old news.”

Her feelings had been drifting for months the closer she’d gotten to Alec. She was complacent about staying together, as they got along and had chemistry, but he lacked the core traits she wanted in a long-term partner.

“That’s right,” her father said. “Old news that you should have shared some of. Now you did and you’ve got to fix it.”

“I guess that means you like Jax,” she said, lifting her chin.

Her father hadn’t come out and said he liked Jax, just had said nothing bad about him.

That was the same in her eyes, but she wanted him to admit it.

“Yes,” her father said. “I do. He’s a good man with a head on his shoulders.

He works hard, he puts you first and my granddaughter loves him.

That’s all a parent could want. You don’t need a man to take care of you financially, you can do it yourself, and he’s not put off by that either.

Few men out there can handle it. As you know. ”

“Mommy,” Gianna said, running into the room. She was watching a movie in the front of the house. “I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” her mother said. “I swear you’ve got another limb that you fill with food.”

“That’s silly, Grandma,” Gianna said. “I only have two arms and two legs.”

“That’s right,” her mother said. “What do you want to eat?”

“Can I have some popcorn?”

“I’ll make it now. Why don’t you go back and watch your movie and I’ll bring it up when it’s done?”

Her mother grabbed a microwave bag and started cooking.

“What are you going to do about this thing with Alec’s mother?” her father asked.

“I’ve got thirty days to reply to her before she threatens to get an attorney involved. I’m not reaching out to her directly at all,” she said. “All I have to go on is what Alec told me about them. Those aren’t the type of people I want in my daughter’s life.”

“No,” her father said. “I’ll get the best attorney I know to fight this. Money is no object.”

“I appreciate your help, Dad. But I’ll take care of it. I’ve done some research on my rights. They are going to try to force my hand if they want, but I’ll be prepared.”

“Being prepared is finding out all the dirt on them you can right now,” her father said.

“That’s your way,” she said. “Not mine. Mom, don’t let Dad do it.”

Her mother put her hands in the air. “I’m not getting in the middle of this. But I’m with your father on it.”

So much for getting that support. “Let me take care of it,” she said. “I’ll come to you for help if I need it. You know that. I have in the past.”

“When you’ve felt as if you had no choice,” her father snapped.

Dillion threw her arms around in a frustrated dance. Her father could still bring it out of her. She knew her daughter got this from her too.

“I’m here now telling you everything, aren’t I? I’ve learned from it. I rely greatly on you both and have for years. If I was too stubborn to ask for help I would have hired a nanny instead and you know it. I would have held this all in until it got to a point I might have to go to court.”

“She has a point, Dylan,” her mother said.

“Now you’ll agree with her, Leigh,” her father said, tossing his hands in the air too.

The microwave beeped, her mother pulled the popcorn out, put it in a bowl, and brought it to her daughter.

“Dad,” she said. “I was wrong to not tell Jax. I know that. Or at least tell him some of it.”

“And wrong not to tell us everything too. You made us believe that Alec’s parents knew about you and Gianna and didn’t want to get to know you. That doesn’t seem to be the case. They didn’t even know he died.”

“Alec was a lot of things,” she said. “But I don’t think he lied about what his childhood was like. I just don’t. He didn’t want that kind of abuse in Gianna’s life, and even if he did, I would have fought it.”

“You only have his word to go on and Alec’s word was meaningless.”

“There is no reason to remind me of that,” she said.

“Your phone is going off,” her mother said, bringing her purse into the living room where they were sitting. “I heard it beeping.”

If it was the on-call service her phone would ring.

When she looked at the text she saw it was from Jax asking if they could talk.

“Is it Jax?” her father asked.

“Yes,” she said. “He wants to talk.”

“Go see him,” her mother said. “While Gianna is watching a movie and is entertained. Get it over with. You’ll both feel better.”

Her parents were right. She couldn’t put this off any longer and replied that she’d be at his house within thirty minutes.

“I shouldn’t be dreading this, but it needs to be done.”

“Apologizing is never easy,” her mother said.

“No,” she said. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Just tell Gianna I had to run some errands.”

“She won’t ask,” her mother said.

Probably not because her daughter was as comfortable with her grandparents as she was with her mother.

She had a lot to be thankful for in life.

One of those things was her relationship with Jax and she would not throw it away.

“Hey,” he said when he opened the front door. “You didn’t need to knock.”

“I wasn’t sure,” she said.

“We have to talk,” he said. “I don’t like this silence between us. I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

“Can I go first?” she asked.

He nodded.

She walked into his house and sat on the couch hoping he’d sit next to her, but he didn’t.

He went to a chair instead to face her.

If that move hurt her, she would have to endure it.

“Go on,” he said.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’m going to explain why I did what I had and it might appear as excuses, but it’s all I’ve got.

At the end of the day, it was a poor decision on my part to keep it all in.

I’ve had time to tell you some of my and Alec’s relationship and took the easy way out and pretended he never existed. ”

“That’s harsh,” he said, frowning.

“To feel that way about Alec?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to say that about me.”

“That’s the difference. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.

My relationship with Alec wasn’t based on love or even romance.

Toward the end, it was more about how we were going to get through short periods of time.

It was something we had during a time in our life when we shared our careers.

I understood him and what he was going through and he did the same with me in terms of work.

Not anything else. It was a companionship of sorts.

An exclusive one if you must. Then I found out I was pregnant and I tried to put more effort into it. ”

“That’s all he meant to you?” he asked. “I only want to understand. I’ve spent months wondering if I’d have to battle some ghosts in your life, but you never let me believe that.”

“Because it’s not there. No ghosts like that,” she said. “Only sadness over the tragic life of someone who was once a friend and a lover, but not someone I was in love with. Then I had anger over his secrets and lies that I hoped stayed hidden and now they aren’t.”

“Nothing stays hidden forever,” he said. “I’ve never believed that.”

“I’m learning,” she said. “Jax, I love you. What I feel for you is everything I’ve always wanted and worried I’d never get.

It’s the life I want for my daughter and myself.

My excuse for not talking about Alec was that I thought you’d think poorly of me for not questioning things or being with someone like him.

Then for years, I’ve worried that I’d never be able to trust someone else in my life. ”

He shook his head. “I could never think that of you. I told you about my dating history. So many people strung me along, or made me believe things that weren’t true.

I’ve learned to look for it now and I didn’t see it with you.

To find out about Alec brought back some of those insecurities.

It’s not the same, and wrong on my part. So I’m as sorry as you.”

“What are you sorry about?” she asked.

“My reaction to it. I shouldn’t have taken my insecurity about myself out on you.

I was stunned you hadn’t told me and didn’t let myself hear you out.

I thought you were going to be one of those women who didn’t need me and it was another blow to prepare myself for.

I didn’t stop to think how much you could have been hurting too. ”

She got up and moved to sit on his lap. “Never that,” she said. “I’m not afraid to ask for help. I just got done being lectured by my parents over that and pointed out I rely on them all the time.”

“You told them everything and my reaction?” he asked.

He’d put his arms around her and held her tight in a hug.

“I did. My father defended you. My mother too. They made it very clear I was in the wrong keeping things from you and them.”

“It was your decision to make,” he said stiffly.

“A wrong one.”

“I talked to Roni and Trent today. They won’t say anything. I needed someone to talk to. I was feeling guilty over my reaction and I expected Roni to give me shit over it.”

Dillion wasn’t bothered he’d told his sister and brother-in-law. She trusted them. “Did she?”

“Some,” he said. “But not all. She made me see things from a mother’s point of view that I needed to see. That everything you’ve done in the past five years is for Gianna. Roni was the same way. Trent made me see I wasn’t alone in my reaction. He would have felt the same way.”

“I don’t think your reaction was horrible. In my last relationship, Alec didn’t have many reactions to anything. He let me do what I wanted and when I wanted. At times, he seemed almost detached. Everything with Gianna was the same when she was born.”

“That’s why you said you liked to be the boss, but sometimes you wanted someone else to do it?

” She nodded her head. “Trent told me that Roni is like that. But that she wants someone else to be the bad guy. To make the same decision as her but for her not to be the one to blame if it’s wrong. I didn’t think of it that way.”

“That is how I feel a lot,” she said. “I just want someone else to take those decisions out of my hands, but then I want them done a certain way too. I can’t have it both ways.”

“No one can,” he said.

“I know we are going to have disagreements in the future. I don’t like that you left. I want to be very clear there. It’s not how I operate and not healthy that you walk away. I never took you as that type of person and hope it’s not your normal reaction to a fight.”

That was Alec. He just moved on like things didn’t exist until she gave up. She never could get things off her chest because her ex was afraid to fight or stand up for himself.

“And I’m sorry about that,” he said. “It’s not like me. I worried I’d say more to piss you off and turn the fight into something bigger. Or as Roni said, I was more ticked off that you weren’t as perfect as I thought or our relationship wasn’t.”

She laughed. “I never thought our relationship was perfect. Nor you. You couldn’t even ask me out without a big nudge.”

He hugged her tighter and kissed her on the forehead. “You’re never going to let me live it down, are you?”

“Probably not,” she said. “Are we okay now? I know I hurt you. I’m sorry for that.”

“You did hurt me, but that is on me,” he said. “I didn’t have to react that way, and by doing it, I hurt you too.”

“You did, but I think we needed this. If you hadn’t been hurt, I might wonder if you didn’t care enough,” she said. “It goes both ways. I didn’t expect your reaction. I expected you to be supportive and then I’d tell you I had it covered, but would listen to your suggestions.”

“Didn’t work out that way, did it?”

“Not at all. But it worked out better. We both got mad at the other and at least on my end, I can say that not talking to you for a few days has felt like shit. I mean worse than shit. I can’t even come up with an appropriate description.”

“I felt the same,” he said. “I thought I ruined what we had with my judgment of you.”

“I told you I loved you and nothing changed for me when we talked, but I think you forgot it. I’d never hold it against you how you reacted to unexpected news. No one knows how they will react until it happens to them. But don’t leave next time if it happens.”

“Now we know,” he said. “And I won’t. I promise.”

“Now we do,” she said and laid her head on his shoulder trusting that he’d always be here for her.

The trust she’d struggled to give someone was restored.