Page 36 of Fierce-Jax (Fierce Matchmaking #18)

PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE

“ W hat’s going on?” Roni asked him on Sunday.

“Nothing more than me messing up my relationship,” Jax said.

Roni and Trent looked back and forth at each other. “I doubt you could do it,” she said. “Not my brother who listens to everyone’s side and then thinks of the positive.”

“Not this time,” he said. “I held in what I wanted to say and how I wanted to act as long as I could.”

No reason to admit that he was still lighter on Dillion than what was locked inside of him clawing its way out.

He’d come over to visit. Eli was at Jeff’s this weekend so he could have an adult conversation and not worry about guarding himself.

He shouldn’t be talking to them about this, but he had to talk to someone.

He hadn’t realized how hurt he could be hearing what Dillion had to say.

They hadn’t talked to each other since he left on Friday night and he knew that was a mistake on his part.

“You only do those things when someone you love is in trouble,” she said. “What happened to Dillion? Can you tell us?”

He snorted. “I’m not sure if she is in trouble. She’ll figure it out just fine like she always does. What about how I feel about what I found out?”

“Is she cheating on you?” Roni asked. “Because I just don’t believe that.”

“No,” he said firmly. “She’s been quiet for days and when I asked her what was going on, she said it was nothing with us or our relationship or how she feels about me.”

“That’s good to know,” Trent said. “So it can’t be that bad.”

“I realized that after I left on Friday night,” he said. “I was pissed at what she was saying and for once in my life failed to look at the bigger picture or what she might be going through. I made it all about me.”

“Love can and will do that,” Roni said. “Trent will be the first to say it’s happened to us. Both of us. We did it to the other. Can you tell us what is going on? You know you can trust us.”

“I can,” he said. “I’m going to just summarize it.”

“That’s fine,” Roni said. “We just want to understand. Maybe we’ll be mad at her too for you.”

Jax forced out a laugh. “I don’t want you to do that. I’m an asshole and I know it. If anything, you’ll be pissed at me.”

“I don’t know I’ve ever been pissed at you in my life,” Roni said. “Annoyed, sure, but not pissed.”

He told them what happened on Friday. He kept out the part about Alec being investigated for selling drugs.

There was no reason to spread that speculation years later.

Maybe the guy would have been found innocent.

Jax didn’t stay around long enough to find out from Dillion if she believed Alec had done it.

Based on what they talked about, he was positive that Dillion knew Alec was guilty but didn’t want to admit it.

What would it matter at this point?

“I was a dick,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said what I had.”

“I would have,” Trent said. “You have a right to be hurt and that is what you were. Anyone who knows you understands that honesty and openness are your middle names. You care about people and you want to help them. But you don’t help those that can’t be honest either.”

“She’s going to claim she didn’t lie about anything,” Jax said. “And I can’t argue that. She didn’t.”

“She hid the truth for embarrassing reasons,” Roni said. “From a woman—a single mother—a person who would worry this could reflect poorly or negatively on me and my ability to provide for my child or even be a stigma for my child, I might have done the same thing.”

“And this is why I came to you both. Trent sees my side of it and you see Dillion’s.”

He had to admit his sister’s lack of support surprised him.

“I understand why you’re upset,” Roni said.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m just saying I can see why Dillion tried to put this behind her.

In her mind, it should have stayed hidden.

You’ve been dating a few months, you don’t know for a fact that she might not have told you more about her relationship with Alec in time. Have you asked?”

“I haven’t,” he said. “I’ve wanted to give her time and space. I assumed she was in love with the guy and it was hard to talk about.”

How do you say that you worry you might not measure up to the man she had a child with?

Or even voice those fears when there wasn’t anything he could do to change it.

It went back to what he’d always said. Change it, which he couldn’t do.

So he accepted those feelings as his own rather than bitch about it.

It was hard, but not in the way he’d thought after what he’d found out.

“Your mistake was to assume that,” Trent said. “Not to say I wouldn’t have done the same thing.”

“I know I messed up. And I haven’t talked to her since I left on Friday. I have no idea where things stand or what she is telling Gianna. I think of how upset Gianna is going to be if Dillion and I end things.”

“Whoa,” Roni said, putting her hand up. “Back up. Dillion started out saying that there was nothing wrong with your relationship. That she felt the same way as she had been. Don’t put words or thoughts in her mouth or head that aren’t there.”

His sister was right. “I figured you’d hand my ass to me on a platter coming here.”

“You wanted your sister to,” Trent said. “As part of your punishment for what you said.”

His brother-in-law was smirking. “I’m not so hard to read. Why didn’t Dillion know or understand how upset I’d be over this news?”

“I’m sure she knew you’d be upset,” Roni said.

“Or at least stunned. But she still told you. She could have told you it’s none of your business and gone about figuring it out on her own, but she didn’t.

She told you what was going on. That means she needs support or help and you took it personally. Do you know what the next step is?”

“No,” he said, feeling more dejected. “I didn’t give her a chance to say anything else.”

“I’m sure she’s just as emotional as you,” Roni said. “As a mother, you put your child first at all times. I’m positive that is what she’s been doing. She’s independent and strong-willed. She might try to work it out in her head on her own but knew it was time to bring you in on it.”

“Only because I asked what was going on,” he argued. “I knew something wasn’t right for days. I could see it.”

“But you gave her time to process things. If she still didn’t want to tell you, she wouldn’t have,” Roni said. “She would have said it was personal and she was taking care of it.”

“I thought of that too. She didn’t fight me all that hard to tell me what was going on.”

It was nothing more than a token of reluctance.

Putting off the inevitable.

“Give her credit for that,” Trent said. “It’s not an easy position for her to be in.”

“I know. I probably should make the first step. I need to apologize. I’m so used to being the one on the receiving end of being hurt and shocked that things aren’t working out. That I fell first or deeper.”

“You were shocked over this, but it has nothing to do with your relationship. You can’t hold something against her she needed time to process for the past few days.

Or that she wasn’t sure how to tell you either.

Everyone has fears and secrets,” Roni said.

“If you think Trent knows everything that happened between Jeff and me, that is wrong. Not that I’m keeping it from him, but I don’t think about it until something comes up. ”

“There is no way she wasn’t thinking about this,” he said. “She told me that someone shot and killed him. I told her I looked it up.”

“What was her reaction to that?” Trent said.

“Nothing really. Just that she said there wasn’t much to read, right?”

“Which means it didn’t bother her you did that,” Roni said.

“Because she knew there wasn’t anything to find,” he said.

“What are you so mad about?” Roni asked. “That she isn’t as perfect as you thought? Or that you’re not?”

“Ouch,” he said, his hand going to his heart. “You play dirty.”

“She does,” Trent said, smirking. “But she’s right on with that question. You of all people should know no relationship, let alone a person, is perfect. Something always happens. Did you think you’d never fight or have a disagreement?”

“No,” he said. “We had a conversation not that long ago about Gianna throwing a temper tantrum. I said she was confusing me. I said she was the boss when Gianna wanted me to go against her mother. She frowned and later we talked. On one hand, she said it bothered her when she was the boss and her mother didn’t listen to her, but on the other hand, said it was tiring and she wished someone could make decisions. ”

Trent laughed. “What mothers want is someone else to make a decision and have it be the same one they would have made so they aren’t the bad guy. It doesn’t work that way.”

Roni’s lips pursed. “Yep. He’s right. And we’ve had that conversation too.”

“So what is your advice?”

“You know what you need to do,” Roni said. “You know how you feel. You tell her that. Tell her what you told us, that you were hurt and stunned and needed to think. Be honest that you told us and asked for advice if you want. It just proves how much you value honesty.”

“And aren’t afraid to ask for help. What your sister is trying to say is sometimes women need to know that.”

He saw Trent narrowing his eyes at his sister. “Yeah. I’ll do those things. If she’ll talk to me.”

“She will,” Roni said. “Because she messed up too and she’s smart enough to know that.”