Page 36

Chapter

Twenty-Three

ARA

Dammit. I shouldn’t have crept out again today.

Two days in a row is madness, especially after running into Tate yesterday.

I push against my window, but it still doesn't budge.

Someone locked it, or it got stuck when it slammed shut earlier.

I shift my weight, trying to press my body close to the wall.

This is the perfect ending to a shitty day.

Tate avoided me all day like I had the plague.

Disappointment and hurt course through me, remembering how he backtracked as soon as he saw me sitting in our place in the library.

Our place…gods, I’m pathetic. He doesn’t know I saw…

well, felt him, but his magic signature gave him away.

The guard will come around the corner any second now. I hold my breath, fitting as much of my body into the nook of the window as I can. I’ll have to sit it out until he’s gone again.

My face is pressed against the windowpane, but there is no movement inside. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or put out about it. It would depend on who was moving, I guess.

Calix has been in a mood today, too, and even Mariel seemed subdued and monosyllabic, both acting like I should know what was going on when I asked about it.

I listen to the guard’s footsteps, bracing for shouts of alarm and hurried steps, but nothing comes.

I just had to see Sloan before we head out. I can’t leave her worrying about me, especially since there is the chance that I won’t come back.

Now I just have to get back inside without being caught.

The drizzle of rain and the wind make the situation even more uncomfortable.

I go through all my options, but really, I can only think of two: knock on this window and hope it’s Calix who wakes up and not someone else or climb to Joel's window.

Joel has his room to himself. Joel, it is.

He will be furious, of that I am sure, but he won't rat me out. I can weather a bit of screaming if it means getting into the warmth.

He is up on the third floor, so instead of going back down, I climb up to the roof. I lie down, making myself as flat as I can so I’m less visible. My front gets soaked by the wet roof, and I grimace.

I lean over the edge and search for the window that has to be Joel’s.

I walk over the roof until I am right above it, only to realize there is no rain pipe close to it. I lean over again. I can get down at the next window over. There is no light, so whoever’s room that is hopefully sleeps. With the windowsill as a foothold, I should be able to jump to his.

As soon as my plan is formed and the guard wanders out of sight, I set it into motion.

I hold my breath as I drop in front of the first window. I wear my uniform, and while the gray is great for hiding in the dark, I’m not naive enough to think my silhouette isn’t a clear outline against the moonlit sky. No one stirs, and I pause only long enough to find my balance; then I jump.

In one fluid motion, I sail through the air, my feet touching Joel's windowsill.

My right foot slips since the wet stone is slippery.

I curse and thrust out my arms for balance, knocking into the window with a crash.

My fingers grasp the frame, and I barely manage to steady myself before the window flies open, knocking my balance out of whack again.

Strong fingers grip my wrists before I slip over the edge, and I’m hauled inside by an at-first stunned and then furious-looking Joel.

“You gotta be kidding me!” He looks mad enough to spit fire.

“Sorry to bother you.” I send him a sunny smile.

“What is wrong with you?” He still holds my arms but seems torn between pulling me into him and pushing me away in anger.

“Oh, I'm fine. No worries.”

“Fine? Fine! I really should…” His volume rises with every word.

“Speak quietly, or we’ll have an audience in a minute.” I watch while he struggles to compose himself and only now realize that he’s shirtless. Damn. Maybe I’m not fine after all if I missed that detail until now.

I used to drool over that sight when we were kids, and he’s totally drool-worthy, but the zing of heat I’m used to feeling around him doesn’t come.

Yep, broken.

He squeezes his eyes shut, visibly fighting with his temper, releasing my arms in the process. I inch slowly toward the door, then stop when his eyes fly open, pinning me with a glare.

“I should send you home, this minute.” His voice is a hiss through clenched teeth. “Are you out of your mind? Why aren’t you in your bed like you’re supposed to be?”

“I thought we were through that already. The whole I send you home, I mean.”

“That was before you climbed through my window in the middle of the night. Why?”

“Why did I come through your window? Mine was stuck this time.” I wince at my slipup.

“This time?” He’s shouting again but lowers his voice immediately. “Are you telling me this isn't the first time you disregarded curfew to bump through the night?”

“I had things to do.” I shrug.

“Like what?”

I smile at him. “Sending letters to appease my brothers, of course.”

“You do realize how fucked up that is, right? Risking yourself to tell them you are safe and fine.”

I pat his chest reassuringly, knowing quite well it will infuriate him and test me at the same time. Having my fingers on his warm skin should do something to me. But there is nothing. I scrunch up my brow in confusion. This is weird. I’ve had a crush on Joel since… like forever.

I shake my head and hurry to the door. Joel follows, but I quickly slip out into the corridor before he can stop me.

“Good night,” I whisper, leaving him standing in the open doorway.

I turn and walk straight into a broad chest. Strong arms steady me.

The smell of pine, leather, and night air as well as the warmth of his gift tell me exactly who it is before I lift my eyes.

My whole body lights up like a bonfire. Well, shit.

Why do I always have to run into him, of all people?

My gaze travels up and finds honey-colored eyes trained on Joel, looking ready for murder.

Tate blinks, and the emotion vanishes. His face relaxes. Then his eyes meet mine. No, I was wrong. His eyes aren’t calm at all. A thrill zips through my chest and drips down, creating a dull pulsing heat that has me shifting.

I have the strangest urge to rush out an explanation for being in Joel’s room at night, to make him understand.

Which is ridiculous. Nothing is going on between Joel and me, and I don’t owe Tate anything.

I don't turn around, but I know Joel is still standing bare-chested in his doorway. I know exactly what this looks like. I’m disheveled and slightly out of breath, and Joel is only half-dressed.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Follow me, Summer.” Tate’s voice is clipped and emotionless, and he doesn’t even wait for an answer before he turns around and strides away.

I’m not sure what to make of that.

I reassure Joel that I’m fine and send him a strained smile before I follow Tate down the corridor.

Tate

Seeing her step out of Cassius’s room in the middle of the night, her cheeks flushed and her hair mussed, my first instinct is to fucking kill him.

The reaction is so primal and raw, it shocks me.

I am still rooted to the floor as she walks right into me.

The smell of rain, night air, and simply Ara hits me at the same time her body does.

It is pure reflex that I catch her before she stumbles back. My hands meet cool, damp fabric before they snatch her waist, reminding me just how small it is under all those loose clothes.

My eyes lock with Ara’s, and I step back, releasing her.

“Follow me, Summer.” I turn around and stride down the hall, before I do something stupid like planting my fist into the face of one of my squadron leaders.

I hear a murmured reassurance addressing Cassius, and then her soft footsteps follow me. My bedroom is on the same level and would have been closer, but instead, I usher her into the common room a few minutes later.

She speaks as soon as I close the door behind us.

“It's not—”

“What I think?” I finish Ara's sentence, cocking one eyebrow. “I don’t want to hear it.”

She opens her mouth but shuts it without saying a word when I glare at her.

“The way you behave is thoughtless, reckless, and simply disrespectful regarding your flight, your squadron, your division.” Hurt flashes over her face, but I ignore it and the twinge for hurting her.

“I get it. You don’t care about rules or how your actions impact others, but let me make one thing very clear here.

When we leave tomorrow, we’ll patrol a region that is anything but hospitable.

Our survival depends on us having each other’s backs.

You can risk your own life all you want, but if you risk anyone else’s, that’s it. That is my breaking point.”

She nods, and I do everything to ignore the sheen in her eyes. Maybe I was a little harsh, but I’m so angry with her, so angry with myself for making it so easy for her. Perhaps she wouldn’t have done half the shit if there had been consequences from the start.

Would I have treated her differently without the attraction between us? I hope not, but I’m not sure either.

“Get some sleep. The next few days will be hard on you,” I tell her, my voice gentler now.

She nods and turns to the door, but stops again, turning back to me. She licks her lips, and my eyes follow the movement. Fuck. Even after catching her coming out of Cassius’s room in the middle of the night, I still want her. And I hate myself for it.

She swallows.

“I visited Sloan tonight.” Her voice wobbles slightly. “I needed to say goodbye in case…well, in case I don’t see her again.” Fuck. Her fighting her feelings while talking about the possibility of her death does me in. My chest constricts.

“My window got stuck, and well…Joel let me back in.” So she didn’t plan to end up in Cassius’s bed tonight? My eyebrows rise.

She clears her throat.