Page 8 of Fan Favorite
Still, Peter had to get Carole on board.
So he took Bennett to New York for an emergency meeting.
He told Bennett to just “be himself,” and Bennett delivered, arriving at the RX lobby in realistically scuffed boots, jeans, and a simple white button-down that he’d left unbuttoned practically to his navel, peacocking his waxed and tanned chest in a ridiculous Crocodile Dundee sort of way.
Conversely, Peter had dialed up the prep: Hugo Boss houndstooth blazer, light blue Gucci button-down, Ted Baker khaki slacks, brown Prada loafers, and his Tom Ford glasses.
The further they’d traveled into the buttoned-up corporate offices, the more cartoonish Bennett seemed, and the more confident Peter felt.
Here he was, delivering a crystal-clear idea.
After only a fifty-three-minute wait, they were ushered into Carole’s office.
She rose from behind her desk, tall, thin, her beaky face framed by a sleek blond bob, and at the sight of her, Peter instantly broke out in a sweat.
Carole was impossible to manipulate. (Also, she kept the thermostat at a balmy seventy-six degrees to accommodate a rotating selection of tight designer dresses.) She crossed the plush rug in her four-inch heels and took Bennett’s hand.
Peter watched her clock the lotus tattoo on Bennett’s forearm, and the bracelets in string and bead on his left wrist. Bennett bestowed upon her a roll of Tibetan prayer flags and thanked her for “trusting him with this journey.” After Carole had seen enough and ushered Bennett out of her office, she’d brushed the prayer flags into the trash and dug her red talons into Peter’s forearm.
“If this season doesn’t give me a clean love story and motherfucking goosebumps every Tuesday night at eight p.m.,” she’d said, “I’m going to stab you to death with my Louboutin.”
Jesus, his esophagus was on fire.
The phone rang. “Hi, Peter, I have Carole for you, please hold,” Carole’s assistant said.
“Peter!” Carole trilled. “How’s the wife?”
“Carole! Always a pleasure. I haven’t spoken to her recently. Since we’re divorced.” Peter attempted a lighthearted chuckle but choked on it and started coughing.
“Oh, Peter, please, I know that. I saw Julie last week at the September issue party. She looked fabulous. So where are we?”
Peter grimaced. “Well, as I wrote in the report I sent to Stacey yesterday, overall, we’re very pleased with how the girls are responding to Bennett. We’ve adapted the schedule to ensure extra one-on-one time to continue building strong enthusiasm.”
“I suppose we’re incurring extra costs as the timeline continues to shift.”
“I’ll have Cameron send over the detailed projections. We’ve attempted to offset cost with a longer production scheduled in LA and truncating the travel schedule.”
“I’m told Wyatt’s been all over the podcast circuit.”
“Yes, but he’s mostly stuck to the script—life is about discovery, learning from mistakes, et cetera. Everything’s on track for Wyatt’s story to be dead by Bennett’s premiere in November.”
“Good. I’ve put Tegan on PR. I want to see Bennett everywhere.
The sooner the women of America forget about Wyatt Cash the better.
And if the plan is to be in LA longer, she should be able to book Bennett on Ellen at the very least. Ask for a segment with babies.
Push the ‘Bennett wants to be a dad’ stuff. ”
“We can do that.”
“Any frontrunners?”
“It’s a little early to tell, but there’s a girl named Bailey who’s very California fresh, All-American—you’ll like her. We’ve got a possible villain in a former ballet dancer, and, overall, we’re making sure the drama is all in the name of love, as they say.”
“We’re two weeks in and that’s all you’ve got?”
“Well, as you know, we lost a handful of girls because of the filming delay and Wyatt’s casting change, but we feel positive about the commitment from those who stayed on.”
“But where’s the story, Peter? Why am I watching?”
Peter didn’t know what to say. He’d been playing it safe on purpose .
No stunts, no manufactured drama, just a lot of candlelight and close shots of Bennett kissing the girls slowly.
Isn’t that what they’d discussed? Sticking to the format.
“We’ve been focused on going back to our roots and concentrating on romance.
Those storylines take a minute to tease out.
It takes time to figure out who Bennett has real connections with,” Peter said.
When Carole didn’t say anything, he added, “We’re planning a pool party. Get everyone out in their bikinis.”
“This sounds exceedingly boring,” Carole said.
“I don’t care who Bennett has ‘real connections’ with.
I said ‘love story,’ Peter, not ‘boring shit I don’t want to watch.
’ The emphasis is on story . Every time I think you understand me, I realize you’re off in your own little world, skipping around the offices that I pay for, doing God knows what, when what I need you to do is produce .
That’s what production is, Peter. I need you to produce a fucking storyline. ”
Jesus fucking Christ. Peter had been a producer for eleven years and The Key ’s showrunner for the past four; he knew how to create a storyline.
He’d been a screenwriter, for chrissakes!
Peter felt a familiar wave of regret wash over him, an uncomfortable uncertainty about every decision he’d made since he was twenty-two and broke and writing spec scripts for The Sopranos .
He’d hustled around town during every pilot season, trying to get hired onto a show, hopefully a show that got picked up to series so he could finally have health insurance and a reprieve from his parents’ glare.
But time and again he failed until eventually his options turned out to be (1) become a waiter with all the other washed-up Hollywood rejects, (2) go back to law school and become a lawyer like his father, or (3) make the most out of the PA job he’d landed through a college buddy on The Anna Nicole Show and, seriously, anything, literally anything , was better than working on that piece of shit, so when he got the chance to jump to The Amazing Race as a story editor and then Survivor and then The Key , it seemed like his career had finally taken off and he never looked back.
Until moments like this when his own life seemed unfamiliar and disappointing, and he wondered how he’d become the mastermind behind a fairy tale he didn’t even believe in.
And now, it looked like Carole Steele was going to fire him. Between the Wyatt Cash scandal and possibly being axed from Bennett’s redemption season, he’d be lucky to get a job producing the local news in Omaha, because no one in LA would touch him.
He had to do it. He didn’t want to do it—he knew it was a very bad terrible idea—but he couldn’t end up in fucking Omaha .
“Well, I do have a storyline to run by you,” he said. “We’ve found Bennett’s high school girlfriend, and apparently she wants him back. I have to warn you—she’s not a beauty queen. She’s more like a woman you’d see at a bowling alley in Minnesota. But she’s very enthusiastic.”
Silence.
Peter propped his head in his hand and squeezed his eyes shut. He pulled at his hair for a point of distraction.
“Are you really this stupid, Peter?” Carole said finally.
“Why didn’t you lead with this? This is perfect .
This is exactly what the show needs—a real person falling in love.
This is what I want, Bennett engaged to his high school sweetheart.
It’s the saccharine, homegrown fantasy of every woman’s dreams. Make it happen. ”
And with that, Carole Steele hung up.
Fuck. Peter dropped the phone and collapsed face first onto his desk.
How in the ever-loving fuck had he just pinned his entire future in television on some premature cat lady he’d never even met?
How could he be so fucking stupid? Peter banged his forehead against the particle board.
He’d just sold the impossible to Carole Steele.
It was an impossible love story. There was no way a guy like Bennett Charles was going to get engaged to a girl like Edie Pepper.
Especially with all these supermodels around.
Is this what would finally defeat him? Some copyeditor from Chicago?
Peter refused. Just flat-out refused. He sat up and poured another handful of Tums into his palm. Peter chewed and considered. Maybe she could be… spruced up?
Fuck.
BENNETT CHARLES PLAYS “TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY”
Added by TheEllenShow
1.9 million views / cc
[ELLEN]
Alright, after the biggest tabloid scandal of the summer, The Key is making its comeback with our next guest. Please welcome activist, entrepreneur, adventurer, and all-around hunk, Bennett Charles!
[MUSIC: “ALL AROUND THE WORLD” BY LISA STANFIELD]
Been around the world and I-I-I-I can’t find my baby
I don’t know when and I don’t know why, Why he’s gone away
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Hi, Bennett Charles.
[BENNETT CHARLES]
I’m on Ellen ! What a trip! Can you believe this?
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Now, tell me, how are you still single? You don’t look like you’d have too much trouble getting dates.
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Aw, that’s so nice! But it’s harder than you might expect—
[ELLEN]
—because of the muscles?
[AUDIENCE]
(laughing)
[ELLEN]
Now, Bennett, I know we just met, but can I ask you something personal?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Of course! Nothing’s off limits. I’m an open book.
[ELLEN]
It might be hard to talk about, but visibility and representation are important… are you a heterosexual?
[BENNETT]
(clapping, laughing)
Ellen! Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and you know I support all the beauty in the world!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding)
[BENNETT]
And I am totally ready to fall in love and find my Mrs.
[ELLEN]
When did you find out you were going to be The Key ’s next suitor?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
It was totally unexpected! But you know what I always say, “live the adventure, share the love.”
[AUDIENCE]
(cheering)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
It was all super-fast and I can’t wait to take America on my journey. I’m so stoked to meet my future wife.
[ELLEN]
What are you looking for in a wife?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
I’m really just looking for someone who’s beautiful inside and out. Kind. Has an adventurous spirit. Wants to give back and make this world a better place.
[ELLEN]
I’m already taken.
[AUDIENCE]
(laughing)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
(clapping, laughing)
You’re the best.
[ELLEN]
Now, are you sure you’re ready to settle down? You seem like a guy who’s always on the move.
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Definitely. I’ve been all around the world and had so many amazing adventures. And what I’ve come to learn—and this is true in every culture in every city in every nation—is the only thing that really matters is the relationships you create and the people you love.
[AUDIENCE]
(collective aww)
[ELLEN]
And I heard that you want to be a dad?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Absolutely.
[ELLEN]
So you thought the best way to do that was on TV?
[AUDIENCE]
(laughing)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
(laughing)
You’re too much!
[ELLEN]
Do you think we should find out if Bennett’s ready to be a dad?
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Let’s play “Taking Candy from a Baby!”
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Ok, Bennett, we’ve got three games to test your parenting skills. Bring out the babies!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Alright, you’ve got thirty seconds to diaper all three of these baby dolls. Do you think you can do it?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Do you think I can do it?
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Ready, set, go!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Oh my god, how does this work? He’s peeing! He’s peeing on me!
[ELLEN]
That’s why you have to put the diaper on him!
[BENNETT CHARLES]
I’m just going to turn him over!
[ELLEN]
Go to the next one! Hurry!
[BENNETT CHARLES]
You’ve got to be kidding me! She’s got the runs!
[ELLEN]
(laughing)
What did they feed this baby?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
It’s okay little baby.
[ELLEN]
Hurry! Go to the next one!
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Oh god, it’s doing one and two! How did you make them do this?
[ELLEN]
(laughing)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
How do I make it stop? Help!
[ELLEN]
I can’t help you! I only have dogs!
[AUDIENCE]
(laughing)
[ELLEN]
On to the next game! Can you parallel park this minivan while your baby is crying without hitting any of these soccer players, and deliver the team snacks in thirty seconds or less?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
(laughing)
Honestly, I don’t think I can.
[AUDIENCE]
(laughing)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
I don’t really drive much? I like to use my feet or take public transportation. Better for the environment.
[ELLEN]
Now you know your first question for all your dates: “Can you drive? I need someone who drives.”
[AUDIENCE]
(laughing)
[ELLEN]
On to the next game! Ok, Bennett, we’ve got Joey the Toddler here and he’s got some candy. We’re gonna need you to retrieve at least one piece of candy from him—can you do it?
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Joey’s my boy! I got this!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Hey, kiddo, what’s up? I’m Uncle Benny. Can I share your candy?
[TODDLER]
(sobbing)
[ELLEN]
Too creepy! Too creepy! You’re scaring him! Try something else!
[BENNETT CHARLES]
It’s cool, it’s cool, man. Let’s be chill.
[TODDLER]
(whimper)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Lookee here, I’ve got something cool. It’s the Key to My Heart! Let’s trade!
[ELLEN]
Is the baby gonna do it? Is he gonna do it? … He did it!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
I’m gonna need that back later, man, but it’s cool, you can chew on it for now.
[ELLEN]
What a comeback for Bennett Charles! Watch out, ladies, he’s a sweet talker!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Bennett, I wish you the best of luck. We’re all rooting for you to find your True Love.
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Aw, thanks, Ellen.
[ELLEN]
The Key airs Tuesdays at 8pm on RX this November. We’ll be back right after this.