Page 24 of Fan Favorite
E die Pepper was standing in a semicircle of possible wives, still daydreaming about that key ceremony kiss and digging a wad of swimsuit out of her buttocks, when she had the peculiar sensation of being watched.
She froze, her hand still lodged in her butt crack, and slowly looked over her shoulder.
Lo and behold, there was Ted, down on one knee in the sand, adjusting the lens of a camera pointed directly at her ass.
“Ted,” she hissed. “Knock it off!”
Edie flapped her hand to shoo Ted away until she accidentally spanked Aspen, the NBA cheerleader from San Antonio, hard on her bare and impressively firm derriere.
“Don’t break a nail, sis,” Aspen said, her eyes slit.
“Sorry! I just didn’t want him filming my ass.”
Aspen laughed. “What makes you think he’s filming your ass?”
Edie took a good look at Aspen’s butt. It looked like it had been drawn by some pervert at Pixar, with impossibly round cheeks offset by a gleaming white thong that ran between her legs and up her backside to her shoulders, where the spandex then split into two white bands that ran down the front of her body like suspenders.
Side boob, under boob, all the boob really, except for where the fabric skimmed over impossibly tiny nipples.
The swimsuit continued in taut strips over her flat stomach before joining again in a tiny V at Aspen’s crotch.
Where was her pussy? Where was her pussy?
was all Edie could think. Seriously, where the fuck was it?
A swimsuit like that would literally slice Edie’s labia in two, leaving her spilled out the sides like the two folds of skin hanging off Jack Nicholson’s neck in Something’s Gotta Give .
Edie scanned the rest of the girls and was dumbfounded by the utopian display of demure vaginas.
“Girl, what are you wearing?” Aspen asked, peering at her.
“I was just about to ask you the same thing,” Edie said, attempting a bitchy sneer. “I’ve got dental floss bigger than that contraption.”
“Shocking. Since everything about you is”—Aspen measured with her hands— “bigger.” She mugged for the camera before holding one hand to the sky and inspecting her manicure in the sunlight. Her long, petal-pink nails were filed into sharp points.
“Actually, my real swimsuit was mysteriously sliced and diced this morning,” Edie said. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, now would you, Edward Scissorhands?”
Aspen raised one perfectly arched brow. “What’s Edward Scissorhands? Like a band?”
Edie clutched her throat in horror.
Max, the long-distance runner from Kansas City, leaned forward to join the conversation.
“No shit?” she asked, her lavender hair glinting in the sun-light.
“Shit,” Edie said ruefully.
So far Edie hadn’t spent much time with any of the girls.
They mostly treated her like a pariah and avoided her, leaving Edie wandering the Key mansion while they went on dates, bored out of her mind and wondering what the fuck she was doing there.
Her roommate, Parker, the artist/heiress from Palo Alto, spent the time between dates scrawling lipstick portraits of Bennett—and his girlfriends—across torn pages of the LA Times .
Obviously, Edie supported any woman making a political statement, but when her own face appeared on their bedroom wall drawn over the headline EARTH TO HIT CRITICAL GLOBAL WARMING THRESHOLD BY EARLY 2030S , it made it somewhat difficult to fantasize about getting married and having Bennett’s babies.
But from what Edie could tell, Max seemed like one of the normal ones.
Today she was the only other girl in a one-piece, though Max’s was a sleek Ivy Park x Adidas with the hips cut practically to her armpits.
Her body was sick . The other girls were thin.
Some were enhanced . But Max looked strong, like you could bounce quarters off her thighs.
“You don’t happen to know anyone who might have a vendetta against me?
” Edie asked Max, making eyes toward Aspen.
“Who might want to make me look stupid?”
“What? Me?” Aspen seemed genuinely surprised. “You think I cut up your swimsuit?”
“Or maybe your BFF Zo?” Edie offered.
“Why would we do that?” Aspen asked with confusion.
“Maybe because you’re mad I’m here? Because you’re worried I’ll steal Bennett away from you?”
Aspen studied Edie’s face before leaning in for a conspiratorial whisper. “Babe, chill out. That shit’s for the cameras. Nobody touched your swimsuit. But keep an eye on Bennett, okay? You seem like a nice person. I’ve got a couple weeks on you and, trust , the guy’s a mess.”
But before Edie could process this information, a field producer bounded across the beach with the enthusiasm of a golden retriever set loose upon the sand.
“Okay, okay, smiles up, big, big, let’s go!
I want to see teeth! I want to see smizing!
I want to see enthusiasm!” He paused and put a hand to his ear, listening to his headset. “Here comes Adam!”
Everyone turned to watch Adam Fox and his entourage make their way down the beach.
A woman dusted his face with powder while another handed him a set of cue cards he briefly glanced at before shoving them back at her.
He settled on his mark in front of the girls.
As the cameras got into place, Edie hoisted her boobs back into what was left of her swimsuit’s cups.
There was no time to obsess over what she was wearing or Aspen’s hot take, only time to embrace the moment.
Edie Pepper was finally on her very first Key date!
“Rolling,” the director yelled.
“Speeding,” the sound guy responded.
And then Adam Fox softened his face and began. “It’s week five, and connections are forming…” he recited to the camera.
Watching Adam Fox make the kind of speech Edie had seen him make a zillion times before was wild.
On TV, his energy was all neutered father figure, earnestly doling out advice and making sweeping declarations about the power of love.
But in real life he was a pompous egomaniac who easily flew off the handle.
Knowing this was sort of sad, similar to the feeling Edie got when a Michael Jackson song came on the radio and her first instinct was to dance.
“—and it’s getting harder and harder for Bennett to say goodbye to these amazing women, but he has to stay strong if he’s going to find out who holds the key to his heart.
” Adam Fox paused. “Time. Time to make and strengthen connections is so precious, which is why it’s more important than ever for the women to emerge victorious from today’s date and win that exclusive one-on-one time with Bennett at a private concert featuring… Meghan Trainor !”
As if on cue, the girls squealed like a gaggle of tweens about to meet their favorite TikToker, jumping up and down and practically knocking themselves over with their bouncing bosoms. Edie was so shocked by their sudden outburst it took her a minute to catch up.
“Yay!” she yelled finally, jumping a few beats too late, clutching her ragged swimsuit to her chest. “Yay?” she said again, looking around at the semicircle of girls who’d already composed themselves.
Zo rolled her eyes so hard she almost fell over.
From across the circle, Bailey gave Edie a sympathetic smile.
“Cut!” the director yelled.
“That was really great, Adam, really great,” the field producer said to Adam Fox’s departing back as he slogged back through the sand toward the clubhouse. “Reset for Bennett!” the producer yelled, and the girls were hustled into a new formation facing down a long length of beach. “Cue Bennett!”
And then, just like a dream, down the beach, Bennett Charles emerged.
He was hard to take in fully, between the cameraman running backward down the beach in front of him, the PA grasping the cameraman’s T-shirt, guiding him across the sand, and the drone swinging around overhead.
But from what Edie could tell, Bennett was jogging across the sand with a surfboard tucked under one arm.
His wetsuit was unzipped to the waist, with the top dangling sexily behind him, and his pecs and abs were glimmering in the sun, like a real-life Dylan McKay.
“Hanging out on beaches all over the world is one of my favorite things to do,” Bennett began after he’d reviewed his cue cards, been sprayed down with oil, and settled in front of the girls.
“So today, I thought we’d have some fun in the sun with a friendly game of beach volleyball.
And today’s MVP, well, she’s not only going to get a Key to My Heart, but also a very special surprise from me.
” And then, with a twinkle in his eye, Bennett Charles shook out his sun-kissed curls.
Droplets of saltwater flew through the air, and when one hit Edie’s bare chest, she knew instantly— lovestruck —that nothing would stop her from winning this game.