Page 47 of Fan Favorite
W ait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” Lauren said as she sped down Lake Shore Drive.
She flicked her eyes to the rearview mirror, just in case a Key production van had emerged hot on their tail.
“You’re telling me you went on this stupid show to fall in love with Charlie Bennett, but instead you banged the showrunner ? ”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you, Lauren.” Edie clutched the door handle. “And, worst of all, I think I might really be falling for him.”
“Seriously, I cannot with you right now.” Lauren flung the Prius down the ramp for Irving Park and the car began speeding west. “Who don’t you love, Edie? You love everyone. Here’s a thought: Stop loving people.”
“Lauren!” Edie exclaimed, alarmed by both the Prius’s last-second dodge around a group of commuters and the brazen assessment of her love life. “You can’t be judgy right now. We are in crisis. You can judge me all you want later, but right now, you need to be supportive.”
“I am being supportive. I came as soon as you called, didn’t I? Laureeeeeeeeeennnn, saaaaaaaavvvvve me ,” she mimicked. “And here I am, saving you. I should be at work.”
“And I love you for it, but you don’t have to kill us in the process!” They swerved around a double-parked Amazon truck. “Seriously, Lo, slow down! They’re not literally after us.” Edie looked out the back window. “At least, I don’t think they are.”
The Prius staggered to a halt and Lauren faced Edie.
“You know I love you. I support you always. You know that. But you have to admit this is crazy. Even for you.”
“Which part?”
“All. Of. It.”
Edie looked out the window and pouted. A new Pilates studio had moved in next to her favorite coffee shop.
Maybe now she could finally get into a sustainable exercise routine.
She could do Pilates every day before work.
Bailey was always talking about how great Pilates was, even tempting Edie with claims that you spent a lot of the class lying down.
Anyway, Edie could do Pilates, and then stop at the coffee shop for a chai latte because she was the new and improved Hollywood version of Edie who wouldn’t touch a white chocolate mocha with a ten-foot pole, and then hop on the train to work, where she’d attend meetings about web content for health insurance companies with an optimistic attitude and then return to her desk, happy to churn out blog posts about oral health for millennials.
And she’d become more active on LinkedIn.
Attend women’s networking events. Focus on her career until everyone could see just how successful she was and that she didn’t need a husband or children.
And she’d get some cool hobbies. Maybe something hipster-y, like tinsmithing.
Volunteer at a nursing home. Take up sailing and throw around words like starboard and land, ho!
and meet all sorts of cool new friends who’d celebrate her as a single woman because life at sea waits for no man.
But then thinking about overhauling her life this way felt so upsetting that the adrenaline from her big Key escape drained from her body. Sure, Edie could reinvent herself. Again. Except all that searching and trying and scrambling didn’t feel true anymore. It felt exhausting. And ridiculous.
“Do you really love him?” Lauren asked. “’Cause he sounds like sort of a dick.”
“He’s just from Connecticut.” Edie started to cry thinking about Peter.
“But once you get to know him”—she sniffled—“he’s, like, super sensitive and funny and smart and great at sex.
And it’s the worst, because maybe I love him in an actual, real way, and he left me anyway, and I’m sorry—I know I’ve made a mess of everything and you shouldn’t have to take care of me. I’m a full adult person.”
“Fuck.” Lauren exhaled, finally accepting the gravity of the situation. She steered the Prius into a Walgreens parking lot and threw it into park. “It’s gonna be okay,” she said, softer now. She wiped a tear off Edie’s cheek. “We’ve been through worse. Remember when I was dumped by Evil Janine?”
“You were so devastated you went back to eating meat just to spite her.” Edie hiccupped.
“We went to Bavette’s for filets and I forgot my wallet and you had to pay, like, four hundred dollars for that meal and I don’t think I ever paid you back.
” Edie cried even harder. “I’m really sorry about that.
I’ll Venmo you as soon as we get home.” Edie threw her hands in the air, exasperated by the universe’s vendetta against her. “But I don’t even have my phone —”
“It’s cool—”
“That was shitty of me. I’m going to be better, Lauren, I promise. But that night, when you threw up because you hadn’t eaten meat in two years, I held your hair back. I did that.”
“Of course you did.”
Edie wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
“When I realized he was gone, I thought, I should just go on the lock-in anyway, you know? Like, rub his nose in it, make him jealous, make him see how desirable I am, how much Bennett wants me. But I just couldn’t.
In some weird way I understood that the only person that would hurt is me. ”
“Yes, bitch!” Lauren applauded. “That’s growth! That’s maturity!”
“And maybe it would’ve hurt Charlie, too, you know?” Edie shrugged. “I mean, I’m not delusional—I don’t think ‘Bennett Charles’ has all his hopes and dreams wrapped up in me. But using him to make Peter jealous? I’m not a monster.”
“What’s the deal with Charlie anyway? What’s he like?”
“He’s sweet. And hot.” Edie thought about it. “But this new version of him needs a lot of attention. He’s got this frantic vibe that he tries to hide, but you can always feel it, like, right there.”
“So, he’s exactly the same.”
Lauren smirked, and they cracked up.
“I guess so.” Edie shook her head. “Honestly, it’s always made me feel very loving toward him. I just want to be like, ‘Chill out, it’s cool. I got you.’”
“You’ve always had a lot of empathy for idiots,” Lauren agreed.
“Being on reality TV is sociopathic.” Edie looked at her best friend seriously. “I’m not kidding. It’s literally insane.”
“I know.”
“Not to mention producing it.”
“Awful.”
“But why would he leave like that, Lauren?” Edie dug around in the glove compartment for a Kleenex.
She found an old Taco Bell napkin and let out a strangled cry.
The universe was relentless. She blew her nose.
“That’s what doesn’t make sense. Why would he tell me he’s falling in love with me and then just disappear? ”
“I mean, I don’t know him, Edie. What do you think?”
Edie chewed her lip. “Maybe he didn’t know what to do about the show-slash-his-career?” she offered finally. “Maybe he was scared?”
“Fear’s a very real motivator,” Lauren agreed. “It’s how you ended up on this stupid show in the first place.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you got dumped by Brian and you got scared you’d be alone forever, so you grabbed onto the first thing you saw, and now here we are.”
Edie’s eyes got big. It’s not that this assessment didn’t ring true, but the ease with which Lauren declared it was a shock. “If you knew all that,” Edie said, crossing her arms over her chest, defensive, “why didn’t you tell me not to go?”
“Oh my god. I did. I texted you the number to my therapist’s office.”
“So you think I’m stupid for going? And that this is all my fault?”
“Of course I don’t think that.”
“You don’t?”
“Edie, I think it’s inspiring the way you go after what you want. But, you know, you take big swings. And sometimes they’re big misses. And that’s okay, too. But I think you need to understand that this time, it’s bigger than you. You’re all over the internet—”
But Edie was in her own world.
“The thing is, I don’t understand how dating is the one thing you’re supposed to do over and over again and keep expecting different results.
It’s terrible. You get your heart broken, or you sleep with someone, and they disappear before you even open your eyes, and you’re expected to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. How am I supposed to keep doing this?”
Lauren shrugged. “Maybe you’re not.”
“What does that mean?”
“I dunno. I’m just saying—I see you struggling for answers to something that seems sort of unanswerable.
I think sometimes people get lucky and they find what they’re looking for.
Sometimes people get married and spend their lives miserable.
Some people find a lot of fulfillment in their careers, or through helping others, or gardening or cooking or art, and so maybe a partner isn’t the most important thing to them.
There are all sorts of ways to be a person, and none of them is less valid than another.
I think what you, Edie Pepper, are supposed to do is figure out how to be happy.
How to love yourself. And maybe take the pressure off, pull the release valve on this one thing for a minute. ”
Edie sighed. Everything was terrible. Except Lauren. Lauren was never terrible.
“So, am I just supposed to not want things?” she asked in a small voice. She looked down at her hands, embarrassed. “And then I’ll be happy?”
“Edie, my love, you can want everything . You just can’t hate yourself because you don’t have it yet.” Lauren tugged on Edie’s ponytail affectionately. “You’re gonna be okay. Lemme just run in and get some supplies. And then we’ll go home and turn on Bravo.”
“Only my truest soulmate would know what I need right now is Doritos and Erika Jayne.” Edie put her palm over her heart. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Lauren got out of the car. But then she paused and leaned back through the open door. “But no more reality shows, okay? Like, this is it.”
“This is it,” Edie agreed, nodding vigorously. “This is it.”
TAKE 5 PRODUCTIONS
THE KEY
EPISODE 9 TEASER [DRAFT FOR EP APPROVAL]
TAPE #592
____________________
00:00:00 OPENING SEQUENCE
ADAM FOX: Tonight on The Key …
BENNETT CHARLES HOLDS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS AND SOBS.
ADAM FOX: Finding the key to your heart is never easy.
BENNETT PUSHES THE CAMERA AWAY AND LEAVES THE ROOM.
BENNETT:… I can’t, I can’t…
THE CAMERA JOSTLES, TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH A FLEEING BENNETT.
ADAM FOX CHASES BENNETT DOWN A CITY STREET.
ADAM FOX: Bennett! Bennett, wait up!
LONGSHOT OF BENNETT AND ADAM IN AN ALLEY. BENNETT IS HUNCHED OVER; THE PAIN IS TOO GREAT.
ADAM FOX: Can you tell me what’s going on, man?
BENNETT: She left, dude, she left. I don’t know why, but she left.
BENNETT MOANS, MOMENTARILY BLOWING OUT THE MIC.
ADAM FOX: Edie?
BENNETT: She didn’t even leave a note. She didn’t say anything, she just left. I don’t know what I did. What did I do?
ADAM FOX: If Edie Pepper holds the key to your heart, then you have to do whatever it takes to get her back.
A LONG PAUSE.
BENNETT STRAIGHTENS UP.
FADE TO BLACK
1:00:00 ADAM FOX: All that and more, tonight on The Key .